With each passing year, I can only wonder what's keeping my body functional after all the candies I taste test come Halloween every year. Was my stomach secretly swapped out one night by Dr. Frankenstein while I was asleep? That's pretty much the only explanation I can come up with as to why I'm still around. Regardless, I'm really looking forward to Halloween 2015, mainly because it'll give me a reason to expend some of the energy that's causing my hands to shake uncontrollably due to all the candy I just ingested. Oh, you mean I didn't tell you? Well, I walked into my living room a little while ago and found somebody waiting there for me. I'm guessing you know who...
Is it a blessing? Is it a curse? Is it a little of both? Sam from Trick 'r Treat has returned once again and selected me as "the chosen one" to taste test alllllll of his candy. He also informed me there's a new Trick 'r Treat graphic novel that was just released, which is nice, but I can't ignore the huge pile of sugar he just dumped onto my floor. I mean, come on... did you see what he brought me last year? That was enough sugar to make anyone's body shake with the power of a thousand suns. And yet here he is again, seemingly trying to kill me with kindness. He's insistent, but it's well-intentioned insistence. At least, I hope it is.
But there's no arguing with Sam, he doesn't speak... he just upholds Halloween traditions as if they were the law of the land. And it's your fault. Many of you have told me that I-Mockery's "Two Months of Halloween" celebration has become part of your annual Halloween traditions. Well, Sam must have caught word of it, so now I too have become a part of Halloween. A tradition that must continue on for all eternity. Well, there's no sense in trying to fight it, I know what must done; for better or worse, I have to put every one of those candies in my gullet. For me. For you. For Sam.
Over the past two months, Sam has collected candies from the 2015 Halloween season and now it's time for me to put them to the test. On the following pages, you will learn all about the best and worst candies of the season as I conduct a thorough taste test of each and every one of 'em. In return, I only ask that you *please share this article* on your social networks of choice... and send me any recommendations you happen to have for quality stomach pumps.
As always, if you haven't read my past Halloween candy coverage from 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014 make sure you do, because many of the candies from those years are still in production. Alright, let's get started with this giant pile of sugary madness before Sam gets angry!
Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn
Kicking things off, these were a nice surprise. Not because Brach's released yet another flavor of candy corn, but because they're incredibly good. As soon as you open the bag, you're hit by a strong, but pleasant apple cinnamon scent. The kind of scent you'd love wafting from a seasonal fall candle. They're only two colors, as opposed to the classic tri-colored candy corns, but the flavor of these really works nicely. While it's described as apple pie, I'm not tasting much apple. Instead, I'm really tasting what seems like cinnamon and graham crackers! And believe me, I'm not complaining at all. They're delicious! If you're not a fan of regular candy corn, consider giving these ones a try as a tasty alternative.
out of 5 floating eyeballs
Nestle Crunch Great Pumpkin Chocolate Medallion
Here's a nice little entry from Nestle. To help promote the Peanuts movie, they've released these chocolate Nestle Crunch medallions which pay tribute to It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! What's nice is they split the chocolate down the middle so you can share one half with a friend, or just be a glutton and save the other half for later; whichever choice you think the Great Pumpkin would appreciate more. The chocolate itself depicts the pumpkin patch from the classic animated special along with Charlie Brown and Linus having fun under the moonlight. Looks like Linus talked Charlie into waiting with him this year. Makes sense... Charlie got a rock in the past when he went trick-or-treating, so he really doesn't have a whole lot to lose by hanging out with Linus instead.
out of 5 Uncle Festers
Russell Stover Great Pumpkin
Speaking of the Great Pumpkin, Russell Stover has released their own one this year, though it has no ties to the Peanuts franchise. Instead, this is just a big chocolate and caramel pumpkin that's two times larger than their standard ones. Fine by me, because they're always delicious as can be, and I'm digging the packaging on it. Only drawback is there's no actual design on the chocolate itself, which is something I've wished Russell Stover would change ever since I started reviewing their Halloween candies. Looks like I'm gonna have to continue wishing for that to happen. Still really tasty though.
out of 5 Phantasm Sentinel Spheres
Reese's Peanut Butter Ghosts
I feel like these may have been released in previous years, but this is the first time I'm getting my hands on 'em. These snack size Reese's Ghosts come in a package with fantastic Halloween illustrations on 'em, featuring spooky trees, vampire bats, and the "SCARY!" ghosts. The ghosts themselves are covered in white chocolate instead of the standard milk chocolate, and the centers are filled with peanut butter just like the regular Reese's cups. Thing is, these seem to be thicker than your average peanut butter cup, and as a result, there's a LOT more peanut butter in the center. So much, in fact, that I honestly can barely even taste the white chocolate. Not that this is a bad thing. My favorite part about the regular cups is the peanut butter, and these ones are super tasty. It's definitely worth picking up a bag and stuffing your face with as much ectoplasmic peanut butter as you can.
out of 5 Pennywise clowns
Mike And Ike Zours Zombies
I've never been a huge fan of regular Mike & Ike candies, but one look at this packaging, and I *knew* I had to give these a fair shot. Just look at that artwork. Their own candies turned into zombies that crave fruits instead of brains all while leaking green slime out of their stomachs? Awesome. Plus, they went the extra mile and gave each sour candy a cheesy Halloween name: Leery Lemon, Ghoulish Green Apple, Weird Watermelon, R.I.P. Raspberry, and Creepy Cherry. Gotta love it. I'm happy to report that these actually turned out to be pretty solid for sour candies. They're not so sour that you can't really enjoy them (which is basically how I feel about Toxic Waste candy), and the flavors are all represented nicely. I'm sure it will come as a shock to nobody, but the blue R.I.P. Raspberry flavor is easily my favorite of the bunch.
out of 5 pumpkin candles
Rainbow Cotton Candy
There's just something charming about a haunted house silhouette illustration and a cobweb border containing the words "Rainbow Cotton Candy" that I find incredibly endearing. Wish I could say the same about the flavor of the actual cotton candy. I love good cotton candy, but this stuff really has too much of a chemical flavor to it. Cotton candy seems like such a simple thing to produce, but there are always companies who somehow manage to find a way to screw it up. You can go ahead and add this brand to that list.
out of 5 full moons
Dubble Bubble Ghoulish Gum Balls
I gotta give Dubble Bubble credit; they really stepped it up this year. These Ghoulish Gum Balls are seriously awesome. First off, despite it being a long thing package, the design is really nice. Haunted house, vampire bats, and spooky fonts abound. You may also think they're just gum balls painting in different colors, but they're more than that. Sure, they have the standard Horror Eyes, which are regular gum balls made to look like bloodshot eyes, but the others are quite unique.
You have Slime Balls, which are filled with lime slime; you have Count Blacula balls, which are filled with cherry blood; and you have Pumpkin Seedlings, which are filled with orange candy seeds! There's not a ton of lime flavoring in the Slime Balls, but they have a nice crunchy outer shell and still taste great. The Count Blacula balls taste good too, but could still use more cherry blood liquid in them. The Pumpkin Seedlings are easily my favorite of the bunch. Filled with tiny orange sprinkles, these are an absolute delight to devour. Such a simple idea and the sprinkles work perfectly as substitute pumpkin seeds. Definitely one of my favorite releases of the entire 2015 Halloween season! Find them and devour!
out of 5 pumpkin carving tools
Brach's Mini Candy Corn
If you like their classic candy corn, these new ones are no different, only smaller. Definitely nice that Brach's made these though, as if you're a fan of baking Halloween cookies and other treats every year, these miniscule candies will certainly fit nicely on them. Also nice is how they come in a resealable bag so they'll stay nice 'n fresh. Now if only I can convince the folks at Brach's to make me a bag of some Mini Mellowcreme Pumpkins!!! Come on Brach's... DO IT!
out of 5 Gremlins
Black Forest Little Monsters Fruit Snacks
I've featured Black Forest treats in the past, as I've always been a big fan of their treats, so I was glad to find this new box of Little Monsters this year. The design is great - Dracula and the Wolfman standing under the moonlight, creepy tree branches, tombstones providing nutritional information, and the logo itself being a part of one big bat. They come in 24 individual pouches and feature orange footprints, cherry werewolf heads, lime caskets, grape wolves, and strawberry vampire heads. They probably could've mixed it up with a few additional monsters instead of just vampires and werewolves, but they still taste as good as ever, with cherry and grape being my favorites of the bunch. Keep it up, Black Forest!
out of 5 maggots
Oh but there's more!
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PAGE 2 OF THE CANDIES!
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