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HORROR! -by Jixby Phillips

The late John Candy starts to tell a tale
"Hello, children! I am the late John Candy, and I have decided to walk among the living to tell all you people at I-mockery a GHOULISH tale of HORROR. HORROR!!"

The eerie twins mock John Candy
KIDS: Mr. Candy, this sounds retarded. If we wanted to be scared by you, we'd just watch "Wagons East".

JOHN CANDY: RETARDED? Retarded like a FOX! And thank you for the "Wagons East" insult. How very original of you.

John Candy starts to tell the tale again
Anyway, this is the story about a boy named Jixby...

Jixby, sporting a k-rad Mr. Show t-shirt
Jixby was a normal boy, like any other. He had a normal dreams, a normal job, and he had a normal Mr. Show t-shirt. But Jixby had something else... he had an appetite for HORROR! 25 dollars worth of HORROR!!!

Jixby begins his adventure
So Jixby got into his car and decided to find this HORROR.

the 5 is bigger than the 2!!!!
On the way, Jixby met a very HORRIFIC 25mph sign! 
LOOK! FIVE IS THICKER THAN THE TWO!! HORROR!!

Circuit City - merchants of HORROR!
Ah! Circuit City! The perfect place for HORROR!
Jixby had finally found what would wet his HORROR-loving whistle.

Red Robin?
Wait... there's Red Robin.

LUNCH!
Now the cow whose meat came from to make that Hamburger
is a different story for a different time. HORROR!

GASP! IT'S NOT THE SAME MONEY! HORROR!
(Please note that the money used to pay for the hamburger
is not the same money from before. HORROR!)

Jixby arrives at Circuit City! Muahahahaha!
Our Hero reaches his destination. What kind of HORROR does he have in mind? MUA HA HA HA HA HA HORROR!

Jixby hunts for the horror!
This must be the HORROR section of the DVDs! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Jixby spots the horror!
Jixby then found the HORROR! WHAT COULD IT BE??

Jixy has found the Horror! DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR!?
HA HA HA!! LOOK AT THIS! "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR!?"
IT WAS A BAD MOVIE SO WE ARE SAYING IT IS HORROR!
Pretty funny!! HA HA HA HA!!! Jixby, you are the best!!

Jixby brings his HORROR to the saleslady
Yes Jixby! Show the Saleslady Your very funny joke!!!

the saleslady scans the horror!
Okay Jixby, jokes over. Go put it back where you found.
Wait... She's not Scanning that, is she??

Jixby pays for the horror!
Okay Jixby that's great. You are so funny. We all know you are going to return it after this is all done. that is unless you lick the DVD in front of the saleswoman.

Jixby LICKS the Horror!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

It was all a bad dream!
Ha ha ha gentle viewers. Fear not, for it was only a dream.

Oh no! The receipt for Dude Where's My Car!!! HORROR!!!1
OH MY GOD! IT'S THE RECEIPT!!!

HORROR!!!


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