If you browse just about
any site that has advertisements running on it to pay the hosting
bills (just like this one), chances are you've seen one of those
"free" iPod banners. They started out simple enough didn't they? "Click
here for a free iPod!" is all they said at first. Then they
started trying to engage web surfers with game-like ads such as "Hit
a homerun and win a free iPod!", and you would actually have to
click on the ad just as the ball nears your baseball bat. Of course,
skill isn't a prerequisite for winning these pseudo-games by any
means. Fact is, if you can't win the games on the banner ads, you
don't belong on the internet. You belong in a coffin.
Now I can understand
advertisers wanting intrigue the viewers in order to make them click
these advertisements, but I think they're really starting to go too
far. Simple sports ads were fine, but now the people behind all of
these iPod ads seem to have truly fallen off the deep end. I mean look
at this shit:
No, I didn't make that
ad. That's an actual advertisement that appeared on this site
recently. Can somebody explain to me just what in the hell they were
thinking when they made that one? I can see the office meeting now...
Boss: "We need to get people to click
on our free iPod ads more! You have any good ideas to bring us new
Web Designer: "Why yes I do! Ok, now stay with me on
this one boss..."
Boss: "I'm listening..."
Web Designer: "Ok so there's this teddy bear. But he's
not just any teddy bear. He's an evil teddy bear!"
Boss: "Why is he evil?"
Web Designer: "Uh, he uh... he was messing around in
some toxic waste! Yeah! He's even got a glowing red biohazard symbol
on his chest to prove it! And you know he's mutated because he's got a
fork tongue like a snake!"
Boss: "But what does that have to do with getting a free
Web Designer: "Oh you're gonna love this. Even though
he's an evil teddy, he still loves listening to his iTunes! So he just
sits there rocking out to some hip music and it's your job to take the
iPod away from him!"
Boss: "And just how in the hell are you supposed to do
Web Designer: "Why... with a hammer of course!"
And the sad thing is,
that's one of the more SANE ones that I've seen recently! Hell,
there's probably a few of them at the top of this very article that
you're reading right now!
With that being said, we
were fortunate enough to steal Doc's time machine DeLorean for a few
hours so we could go see what the future of free iPod ads holds. Sure,
we could've spent our time in the future doing much more productive
things, but hey... not all of us are brilliant scientists like Doc now
are we. Ok folks, prepare to be astounded as we give you an exclusive
glimpse at the twisted future of free iPod banner ads!
Please note, while you
can interact with any of the following flash banner ads in
to see more madness, they will not actually take you to a free iPod
So yeah, if you were expecting a free iPod out of this... you thought
Also, due to the limitations of flash we can only show 3-4 banners per
page without it getting too laggy.