Jingle All The Way 2!
by: -RoG-

What in deh!? I have an ideah!
It came to me in deh dreahm...

God: "Arnold. You are not living your life
the way I intended. You must bring joy
to the fans of your movies once again!
Forget about governing California... I'm going
to sink that state with a big earthquake in a
few years anyway! You must make a new movie!
You must make... JINGLE ALL THE WAY PART 2!"

Oh tank joo foah deh weezdom, Gahd!
I will go make deh greatestest moovie of all deh times!


Hello mistuh Hollywood prodoosuh! Ahnold hieah!
I want too make deh Jingal All Deh Vay seequal!

Waht do joo mean it's stupid ideah? Gahd told me to
do it in a dreahm! Do joo think Gahd is stupid too?


Joo know waht? I don't need youah moneys! I have more
of deh moneys than alls deh Hollywood prodoosuhs!

I weel make deh moovie myself and den laugh as it
runs ovah all deh otha moovies like my Hummah
could run ovah youah stupid little howse!


Hello Liz! Liz honey! It's yoah Ahnuld!

Rita Wilson: "Arnold? Arnold, for the 500th time, my name is Rita... Rita Wilson. Liz was just the name of my character in that 'Jingle All The Way' movie, ok? And stop calling me honey! How many times do I have to tell you we're not really married? It was just a movie!"

So what's foah dinnah, honey?

Rita Wilson: "What!?"

Nevahmind all of dat and all of dees tings. Liz honey!
I have some great nooz foah joo! I am goeeng to
make deh new moovie! Jingal All Dee Vay part 2!

Rita Wilson: "You've gotta be kidding me."

Yeah! I am goeeng to be deh Hollywood prodoosuh!
So will joo be in deh moovie with me? Eaaugaeagheagh!

Rita Wilson: "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

How abouts I give joo lots of deh moneys!
I will give joo deh hundrad meelion dollars!

Rita Wilson: "A...hundred...million...dollars?"


Rita Wilson: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

So joo are in, yes?

Rita Wilson: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."



I loves my wifes! But waht about my son?
I need him in deh new moovies too!
Last time I saved him as deh Teeurbo Man!
Who knows waht I save him as dis times?
I must go see him now in his bed! No sleepy times!

Why did dat man and dat woman try to stop
me from coming in to see my son? Who weure dey?
I bet dey wanted to keel him! Look at him, so innocent
and sound asleep in his littul bed. I love my son!
I bet he will be so happy to see me agains!

My son! I come to joo with a mission! A mission to
save dee whole wide woehld from bad moovies!

Jake Lloyd: "What are you doing in my room?
Why are you here? Where are my mom and dad?"

Dose weure not yoah parents, Jamie!
Dey weure impostahs!

Don't joo worry Jamie, I keeled dose impostahs!

Jake Lloyd: "My name is Jake! And those were my real parents! Why did you kill them!? They were good people!"

Do good people make joo go to bed dis early?
No son of mine goes to deh bed befoah meednite!



Reader Comments

taco loving zombie
Dec 19th, 2009, 10:27 PM
i always loved this article
Amicable Herculean
Dec 20th, 2009, 02:54 AM
Jingle All the way is playing right now on one of the local channels
Forum Virgin
Dec 20th, 2009, 05:58 AM
The worst part is that now he, being the Governator, could use taxes to fund this project. That thought alone scares the heck out of me.
filthiest soap dish
Dec 20th, 2009, 06:14 AM
This has always been one of my favorite articles.
Forum Chaos Lord
Dec 20th, 2009, 01:24 PM
Nothing like an old Christmas Classic.
Hypnotic Swirling Colors
Dec 20th, 2009, 04:28 PM
My uncle was in Jingle All The Way.
That damn kid
Dec 20th, 2009, 04:53 PM
I think this was one of the first things i read on I-mockery :D

soooo funny.
With More Yes Than Ever
Dec 20th, 2009, 06:23 PM
Great article, as always
Sit, Booboo, sit.
Dec 20th, 2009, 08:45 PM
Geev ah man ah jingle, he vil jingle foar ah dey...

Teech ah man ta jingle, he vil JINGLE ALL DEE VEY!!!
Dec 21st, 2009, 08:00 PM
Hope Rog knows how to swim.
Forum Virgin
Dec 24th, 2009, 05:58 PM
Did you edit this recently? I could swear the shop clerks used to say Schindler's List rather than Star Wars Christmas Special.

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