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Law Stripz: EXPOSED!
by: -RoG- and Pjalne

RoG: Recently, Pjalne and myself started visiting an informative little web site known as lawforkids.org. One section in particular, the "Law Stripz" Cartoons, really caught our attention. It's probably because they changed the 's' on the end of 'strips' to a 'z', and we're suckers for ultra cool lingo like that.

Pjalne: Sure are. This is also a brilliant way to hook kids on the concept. When they see something that ends in a 'z' instead of your regular vanilla 's', they all go 'Whooah, this is off the wall, G!' and get into all the cool lessons they're about to be taught. These guys know what they're doing.

RoG: G? What is this 'G' you speak of? I'm still getting used to things ending with 'Z' and now you're telling me they're ending words with 'G' too? This is madness I say. MADNESS!

Pjalne: Gotta get down with it yo. Don't get no cred when yo talking like gramps G.

RoG: I'm just gonna continue suckling on my Werther's Original candy and pretend that I understand what you're talking about.

Pjalne: You do that, worked for Vanilla Ice. So, I guess we should ease the readers into the mind-blowing powers of Law Stripz. Care to summarize in five words or less?

RoG: Strips (er stripZ) for would-be hooligans.

Pjalne: Gettin' the hang of it bro. So, we'll be diving into this then?

RoG: Sure why not, Q. Let's take a gander at some of the strips and try to analyze just what they're trying to tell us.

DON'T DRIVE COOL CARS! :O

Pjalne: What I like about the narrative style in these stripz is that they don't feel the need to cram exposition in when they can convey their message via images. Here we see how a complext story can be understood by only three lines of dialogue.

RoG: Complext. Is that more of that hip street talk?

Pjalne: Erm... Yeees... Dawg G... Foo.

RoG: Anyway, I don't think they need to cram extra text into these strips. They're perfectly easy to understand. Take this strip for example... it's clearly trying to teach kids an important lesson. And what lesson is that? The lesson is that if you go for a ride in a 'cool car', you will be arrested even if you're a passenger. So make sure you only go for a ride in non-cool cars, like a Pinto.

Pjalne: Exactly. The message comes across clear as a bell. Thanks to this strip, I don't think we'll be seeing a lot of kids driving around in Ferraris.

RoG: I bet famous rap artists are going to have to start changing their lyrics about owning fancy cars as a result of these comics. If they don't, their album sales are destined to flop.

RoG: "Drivin' down tha' road in mah rusty ol' shitmobile with the fly chrome rims. Awwwwwww yyyyeah!"

Pjalne: They'll drop fo' sho' if they don't get wid it. America will not take this corruption of young minds lying down.

KIDS WHO GET PICKED ON EVENTUALLY GET RAPED.

RoG: Hrm, I'm not sure if I quite get the message of this one. Can you explain?

Pjalne: Isn't it obvious? He's sick of being bullied around, so he uses the power of his mind to make a gun materialize in his backpack.

RoG: And for using his imagination he gets sent to prison?

Pjalne: Mutant control is important.

RoG: One thing I don't understand is why the artist never puts in that 6th panel into the comic? It's always left blank white. Do they just not want to show what happens next? I think the message to the kids would be taken much more seriously if they saw a comic depiction of a guy getting anally raped in a prison cell or stuck with a shiv.

Pjalne: That blank panel is obviously there to keep the stories open-ended. This is where the parents can discuss the story with their kids so they themselves can tell them about the anal rape. It's better kids hear it from their parents than learn it on the street, you know.

RoG: I disagree. It's a much harder lesson to learn when your parents are the ones raping you. I'd prefer it to be a complete stranger.

Pjalne: Well, I guess this is where the two of us just are different. I think sexuality is a very personal thing, and I think you should get to know and feel comfortable with your partners before engaging in something so intimate.

NO, EVE 6 DOES NOT RULE.

Pjalne: Now, I'm confused, RoG. I'm a stranger to your culture being from Not America and all, can you really get your driver's license revoked by tagging 'EVIL' on a wall? Or is Arizona part of some sort of bizarro inside-out hyperworld?

RoG: Ah see, this is where I can see an outsider would get confused. Tagging the words 'EVIL' on the wall is perfectly legal. However, this little vagrant was actually writing "EVE 6 RULES!" on a wall. Frankly, he's lucky they didn't give him the chair.

SNOT BAG! SNOT BAG!

Pjalne: I should probably translate a couple of the balloons in this one for you, RoG. "Whasssup Mikeee" is how some young people started addressing friends by the name Michael after a wildly popular series of beer commercials revolutionized 'ebonics' in the late nineties. 'Didn't know you were down with the chronic Mikee' roughly translates to 'I was not aware that you were bed-ridden due to a chronic illness, Michael'.

RoG: Thanks for the explanation man... and here I thought this one was all about how complimenting someone's hat can lead to them offering you a bag of snot - which is indeed "bad for you" as the kid already stated.

Pjalne: It sure is bad for you, but more importantly, it's also illegal. I'll have to compliment the artist here on being brave enough to show the world as it is rather than sugarcoating it. Like in the real world, here white kids grow up to be executives with sharp suits and pie charts while black kids end up looking like Tupac Shakur and in jail or dead on the streets.

RoG: Tupac with a Scott Ian-like beard no less. The funny thing is, the white guy looks like he's ready to burst out crying in that pie chart pic, while Tupac "Anthrax" Shakur there is almost smiling. Jesus, these things are just like real life!

Pjalne: Yes, while Mikeee's life can seem perfect from the outside, he obviously surrounds himself with shallow brownnoses and feels strangely unfulfilled when he goes to bed at night. Black Kid, on the other hand, may be poor jailbird, but he knows his 'crew' will always be there for him and loves him for who he is.

RoG: It's like poetry.

Pjalne: It's poetry you can learn from. It's poedutainment.

SHE RAN INTO HIS ASS. *HIS ASS!*

RoG: Wait, skipping school is illegal? If that's true, I should be doing life in prison.

Pjalne: You think YOU'd be in trouble? I'm lucky we don't have the death penalty. It's sad we won't be able to recreate the glory of the envelope-pushing flash animation of this strip in its original form. The panning camera in the part where she walks easily beats the scene at the harbor in that Fellini film, and the slow-mo collision with the cop's ass was something straight out of John Woo's head.

RoG: Oh absolutely. I don't think my bandwidth could handle those massive flash animations though. I mean just look at those details... they're really pushing the limits of what Macromedia Flash is capable of here.

Pjalne: I know, this one really put the 'ace' in 'space age'. Another fine strip where a negro gets in trouble. So far the score is Blackey 4, Whitey 1, Carlos 1.

RoG: Wait, if the blackey is getting in trouble the most, how come he has more points?

Pjalne: Golf rules, jackass.

RoG: No, Mario Kart rules.

READ IT. After all, they took the time to pose in the first frame.

Pjalne: Now, this one has a plot that makes you think. It's like that movie Donnie Darko where you have to see it twice or even three times to understand it.

RoG: I only had to see it once to realize there's a lot better movies out there, I don't know why people are so obsessed with it. Yes, it has a guy in a freaky bunny costume. Ooooo. Move along kids. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, the strip. So this one is trying to tell us that cops are on the lookout for interracial marriages?

Pjalne: Some people will tell you that the whole deal was about seatbelts, but this is just a red herring. What's really going on is that the police car is ramming the bastard family in the rear, and they put their belts on to be safer in the crazy getaway ride. And they put their eight-year-old in a booster seat just to be sure.

RoG: Why was the little kid hunched over the seat like that in the first place? She looks like she's about to vomit in that one frame.

Pjalne: She's obviously just been thrown back into the seat behind her after the pigs crashed straight into their bumper. I'm not sure if that's vomit or her tongue being forced out of her mouth by the g-forces, but either interpretation supports my theory.

RoG: I still say the cops are just targeting interracial marriages. They're pulling everybody over these days. Hell, I can't even ride in a car with Protoclown anymore without being pulled over. Of course we're always naked, but still...

Pjalne: I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought when you brought up naked Proto. Where were we?

RoG: Goddamnit, why does this always happen whenever I bring up our being naked?

THEY PULL OVER PEOPLE ON POGO-BALLS NOW TOO.

RoG: This strip has me baffled. Why was the cop accusing the kid of being a car? Was the kid impersonating a car earlier on? And even if he was, why would it be illegal to do so?

Pjalne: According to Arizona law, it IS illegal to impersonate a car, but I'm with you on this one. This kid looks nothing like a car. Another thing I'm not too sure about is what a 'helmet eye protector' is.

RoG: I think that's what those Lazer Tag helmets were. So if you want to impersonate a car, you have to wear a Lazer Tag helmet while doing it. But they're pretty hazy on the "permission slip" details in this one. Who can and can't give you permission slips?

Pjalne: Looks like you get them from cops who pull you over for not having one. They know who to pull over because the ones who haven't already got one apparently wear gray shirts, whereas people who have permission slips wear white shirts.

RoG: It sure is a good thing we're reviewing these comics... people really would be confused without our aid.

FEED THE SINK THE LIQUOR IT SO BADLY DESIRES!

Pjalne: This sure does look like a fly party, RoG. These kids know how to PARTY HARD.

RoG: You've gotta fight... for your right... to paaaaaaaaaaaaaaartay, Pjalne.

Pjalne: You do indeed. And these guys have fought a hard battle tonight, just look at the weariness in their eyes.

RoG: I like how they all just stay there at the party waiting to be busted, whereas in real life, everybody would be running out the back door as soon as the cops arrived.

Pjalne: They've obviously all been to lawforkids.org and know when to submit to the law. And the lawmen obviously know how to get down with the next generation; they were considerate enough to wear their festive jester hats to the bust to keep the mood up.

RoG: Somebody must have got the munchies and ate the bells off of them. :( But I'm sure they'll cover "the munchies" in a future episode of "Law Stripz" dude!

Pjalne: I'm positive they will, dawg. Because we all know it's against Arizona law to purchase tacos while under the influence.

RoG: Under the influence of lawforkids.org?

Pjalne: Yes, let's go with that. I wouldn't know any other form of being under the influence no sir.

RoG: Agreed.

FLOATING SHADOWY DOG-WALKER MAN! OOOOOOOOO!

RoG: Now wait, it's ok to be underage and smoking, but it's not ok to be out past curfew... is that what they're trying to say here?

Pjalne: Sure looks like it. But I'd stay off the smokes anyway, I'm not taking any chances when the dark silhouette of a levitating cop is out to strike fear into the hearts of evil-doers and have his dog shit.

RoG: So when you're arrested in the future, you go home with the cop rather than to jail? What do you do when you get to his house then?

Pjalne: The world isn't ready to know, Roger.

RoG: You're probably right, and since the entire world visits this web site, we had better just keep the truth to ourselves.

Pjalne: Someday, Roger. Someday.

He's not your PrinciPULL he's your PrinciPAL!

RoG: Ok, there's a lot of problems with this one. Just look at the guy in the chair... what the hell is wrong with his neck?

Pjalne: That's Webmaster's Disease. Too many stressful hours hunched over in front of a computer. There's a 40% risk we'll both suffer from it when we hit 35.

RoG: Well what about the fact that the guy ends up looking exactly like a young Hank Hill from "King of the Hill" at the end of the strip?

Pjalne: Damn, you're right. That would explain why Mr. Hill ended up as a poor redneck. This is an important message: stay in school or you'll end up uneducated and dumb like Hank Hill.

RoG: Hey, he's edjumcated, he sells propane!

Pjalne: He does? It's been a while. Then I guess the message is 'Stay in school or end up being cancelled after one year on a Norwegian television channel like Hank Hill.' What intrigues me more is the sign at principal Blofeld's desk. Why would it be turned the wrong way?

RoG: He likes to reassure himself of his position. Actually, I think it's one of those double-sided signs. The other side probably reads "Boob Inspector" or "Fart Machine" or something else absolutely hilarious like that.

Pjalne: You know, I bet you're right. Well, Hank 'Tommy' Hill sure got his until his hat fit, as we say in Norway. He learned his lesson, and so have we today. How has this changed YOUR life, RoG?

RoG: In ways that you'll never know. Actually, it has inspired me to do some Law Stripz of my own! Whaddaya say we create some?

Pjalne: It's half past two in the morning here and I've still got a twenty-minute walk home in freezing weather. Sure, let's go! Oh, I've only got MSPaint, by the way. This is gonna turn out beautiful.

RoG: I'm scared to see what those will look like. At least I've got Photoshop so these people can watch a true master at work, X.

RoG Comic Numero Uno

Pjalne: So, what's the artist's intent in this one?

RoG: I'm disappointed in you man... after all of these Law Stripz that we've gone through today, I would think you'd AT LEAST be able to get the meaning of this one.

Pjalne: Is the bread thing a metaphor for a vagina? Cause if it isn't, I got nothing.

RoG: Bread thing??? You mean they don't have BAGELS in your country!? Jesus...

Pjalne: I already told you what our food is like in my last piece. You think 'bagels' would go with THAT?

RoG: I'd eat pretty much anything to offset the taste of that nasty shit. I'd rather drink turpentine in all honesty.

Pjalne Comic Numero Uno

RoG: How is this one a lesson about the law? It looks more like a recollection of your own personal experiences, only you didn't die in the car race.

Pjalne: No sirre Bob I did not. I even scored Ms. Ali's autograph, only she was a Swedish soap actress who eventually turned out to be some lady who had come to sell me wrinkle cream. I thought it needed a little extra oomph, so I took some liberties in the name of entertainment.

RoG: And that wrinkle cream is what you saw spread on that bagel in the previous comic. I bet you thought it was cream cheese this whole time!

Pjalne: Oh my god, it's all connected!

RoG: And speaking of connected, check out my next strip:

RoG Comic Numero Dos

Pjalne: I liked how you tricked people into believing this one would have a coherent storyline by having two related panels, and then you kicked them in the face by the Magnola-esqe montage.

RoG: A feeble mind such as yours would think that... but if you inspect the comic a bit closer, it's obvious that all of the frames are connected.

Pjalne: Oh my god, you're right. Wham were gay, and so are French people. And beef jerky is... hmmm... jerky is... And green testicles is a metaphor for gay virgins, and I've seen that guy somewhere and he may be gay too.

RoG: Eh, close enough.

Pjalne Comic Numero Dos

RoG: I haven't seen the movie 'Ghost' in a long time, but from what I remember of it, this comic of yours is far superior.

Pjalne: Thank you. I decided to keep the best aspects of it (Vinnie Schiavelli ghost) and got rid of all the Demi Moore bits and the parts where Whoopi was doing transcendental slapstick.

RoG: But she's got an "edgy" new show that's really making the censors uh... go on coffee breaks. But yeah, Vinnie Schiavelli is a great character. Especially when he talks about how he'd kill for just one drag. He says it like "Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!"

Pjalne: I know. "Draaaaaaaaaaaag!" And he looks a hell of a lot like Gregory Hines, only white and... well, let's just say that one of them is a ghost in real life and one isn't and it isn't Vincent.

RoG Comic Numero Tres

Pjalne: Wow, that's like you took all the best bits in an action movie and threw it all together for maximum impact and an orgasm in entertainment!

RoG: Why thank you, and there's an important message behind it all too. Did you get it?

Pjalne: I almost had it :(

RoG: It's simple: Only YOU can prevent all of those horrible things. And if you don't, people will continue to punch Butterbean. Poor Butterbean. :(

Pjalne: Well, you know, sometimes things can stare you straight in the face and somehow you still don't see it.

RoG: I think that's pretty much how all of the Law Stripz work, the answer is right in front of our eyes, but they leave it up to us to interpret the messages properly.

Pjalne: And THAT's the true magic of Law Stripz. Well, it's disastrously late, and I better get started on my long travel across the tundra. Its been great working with you, Rog. Any parting words?

RoG: Same to you Pjalne, it's been a pleasure. And I have to say, I think we've both learned some valuable lessons here today. But in the spirit of the Law Stripz, let's leave it up to the readers out there to figure out what those lessons were, shall we?

Pjalne: We sure shall. Good evening to you.

RoG: To all of you aching for more educational fun, be sure to check out all of those full-length Flash Toons at lawforkids.org too. I've never heard worse voice-acting in my entire life... you'll see what I mean. And even better, they stoop so low as to brand people in wheelchairs as petty thieves. Now do you see how much fun learning can really be kids? Excellent.

the end.


*** BONUS CONTEST! ***

SORRY THIS CONTEST HAS ENDED.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE RESULTS!

Here's your chance to show us just what you've learned today! Email us your own original Law Stripz comic strips. You must use the Law Stripz artwork as part of your comics. All entries will be judged on humor. So basically the funniest entry will win. You've got until December 7th, 2003 to turn in your entries! Once the contest has ended, myself and other staff members will decide which one is the winner and that person will receive a free I-Mockery Club Pack #4 and some stickers of their choice.

As with our previous contests, all entries will be displayed here on the site for everybody to enjoy! So come up with the craziest, funniest, and most twisted Law Stripz you can think of and send them on over to us! Please keep in mind, entries must be sent in one of the following formats: .GIF, .JPG, .BMP, or .SWF

SORRY THIS CONTEST HAS ENDED.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE RESULTS!


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