myself to be a very lucky guy. I was a child of the 80s, which means I got
to play with ALL of the BEST toy series ever created. The Transformers, Gi-Joe,
Robo Force, Voltron, Go-Bots, and of course...
One of my
favorite toy lines of all time, He-Man had some awesome figures, vehicles,
and playsets. Not to mention that the accompanying cartoons were awesome.
I still remember holding a broomstick high in the air at the beginning of
the show and yelling, "I Have The Power!!"
As cool as
He-Man toys were, looking back on it, I really have to wonder what they
were thinking when they made some of them. Today I would like to cover 2
of the most bizarre characters they came up with:
MAN and STINKOR
these characters came out in 1985; the second series of He-Man figures
which included the infamous "Battle Armor He-Man" and
"Battle Armor Skeletor" figures. MOSS MAN and STINKOR really
stood out though, there was just something... different about them. So let
us begin with the almighty MOSS MAN.
Here we have MOSS MAN.
The box describes him as a "Heroic Spy and Master of Camouflage".
They go on to say, "MOSS MAN With his 'fur' of forest green, he fools & frustrates the wicked foe!".
First of all, MOSS MAN was really fuzzy, and I you could actually stick
velcro onto him. After a few battles though, his "fuzz" started
to get really crappy. A genius marketing ploy by Mattel: "We'll
create a figure that gradually disintegrates so that they'll have to buy
it over and over again!". And what about that "master of
camouflage" they were talking about...
Clearly Mattel wanted to
elaborate just how much of a "Master" MOSS MAN was when it came
to camouflage. Just look at the artwork here from the back of the box.
Doesn't he just blend in with the BLUE and PINK leaves
perfectly??? And you can tell that his enemy "Tri-Klops" is
completely baffled, right? WRONG. He's looking directly at him, and my
guess is that MOSS MAN is about to get the beating of his life. He doesn't
even seem to be aware that Tri-Klops is coming for him. He's just looking
at his shiny battle-club in awe. He reminds me of a fucking caveman for
Ah yes, how could I forget.
They include illustrations so that you can see all of the amazing things
that MOSS MAN can do! This is what it says under the illustration, "Twist his waist
and work his powerful arms!". I can twist his waist? GASP! I could be
playing with Snake Mountain and all of its awesome features, but no, I get
to twist MOSS MAN'S waist for fun to make him "swing his battle
club!" instead. Does the fun ever end!? No it doesn't! Prepare yourself for MOSS MAN'S most awesome feature!
That's right! MOSS MAN came
with a "fresh pine scent"! That's right, he smell just like
those pine tree air-fresheners that you hang in your car.
Scented Action figures! Have you ever heard of such a great concept!?
Now, not only could you do battle with MOSS MAN, but you could enjoy that
winter fresh feeling at the same time! What more could a kid ask for?
ridiculous as MOSS MAN'S "features" may seem, I have to say he
is my favorite He-Man character of all time. But what about this guy...
Here we have STINKOR!
That's right. This guy was the other "scented" figure in the 2nd
generation of He-Man figures. Unlike MOSS MAN, STINKOR used his smell as a
deadly weapon! He was described as the "Evil Master Of Odors" on
the box. And he smells so bad that even he can't stand his own smell! So
what did they do to help out this skunk-man hybrid? They gave him special
armor that covered his nose and apparently filtered out his own stench. So
he could bring his enemies to their knees just with his horrific bodily
odors! But it gets better, check this out!
STINKOR apparently had the
power to aim his odors. And they were so strong that you could actually
see them! Just look at the illustration! "STINKOR uses his powerful
scent to repel or destroy!" Did you hear that? His scent can DESTROY.
He must be quite a stinky bastard.
Again, with STINKOR they
included illustrations showing what the figure could do. "Twist his waist
and make him swing his battle shield!" Apparently they thought that
this "waist twisting" thing would be a real hit with the kids.
Cuz they talked about it on almost all of their figures. And he didn't
even come with a cool weapon. Sure, he stunk to high heaven, but I still
liked getting a cool sword or something with a figure. he just came with a
shield. Sorry, but a shield and no weapon just doesn't cut it.
See? Even STINKOR knew that
there was no reason for a shield when he got in a fight, it'd just get in
the way. And he seems to be holding his own just fine... He-Man has
dropped his sword and can't even breathe!
have we learned from STINKOR?
We've all heard that old saying "the pen in mightier than the
sword", but perhaps STINKOR is telling us that, "there is
nothing more mighty than smelly like a steaming bowl of shit." These
are truly words to live by.
covering more of the strange toys from the 80s in the near future.
In the meantime, try buying MOSS MAN and STINKOR on eBay.
I strongly suggest buying them in their original UNOPENED PACKAGE. Cuz if
it's a loose figure, it's almost guaranteed that their scent will be long
Happy Sniffing, you smelly bastards.
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