Features

My Favorite Movie Assholes
by: -RoG-

Ahhh movie assholes... without them, the heroes wouldn't have as much adversity to overcome. Without them, the stories wouldn't be nearly as interesting. It's with this in mind that I'm starting up a new series of articles here on I-Mockery that pays tribute to some of my favorite assholes in the history of film. Some are the kind you love to hate, others are the kind you hate to love... either way, they added something special to the films they appeared in to make them unforgettable. So let's begin with the first installment in this ongoing series of my favorite movie assholes.

Walter Peck in "Ghostbusters"

Played by William Atherton, the character of Walter Peck is the official asshole in the original Ghostbusters movie, clearly trying to make a name for himself by trying to put an end to their ghostbusting business. After all, if it wasn't for him, all of the supernatural entities that the Ghostbusters captured wouldn't have been released from the containment facility, paving the way for Gozer to bring chaos and destruction to the city of New York. Few things are as entertaining as watching Venkman admit to the mayor of New York, "Yes it's true. This man has no dick." which drives Pecker apeshit with anger. Of course, the big payoff is when we get to see Peck, or "Pecker" as Venkman calls to him, drenched in molten marshmallow after the Ghostbusters fry the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I'm guessing I'm not the only one when I say I wish it was the remains of the Stay Puft Dookie Man that landed on Pecker instead. Some of you might recognize him from other movie roles too, such as Richard Thornburg in Die Hard (another asshole). One can only hope that this guy still has assholish characters in his arsenal just waiting to be unleashed upon moviegoers.

Iceman in "Top Gun"

Who gets up in somebody's face and chomps their teeth together as a display of his prowess? Iceman does, that's who. Granted, just about everybody in Top Gun was an asshole in some shape or form... well, except for Goose, and we all know what happened to him. Of course, everybody remembers the end of the movie when Maverick saved the day and Iceman still has the nerve to say, "You can be my wingman anytime." to which Maverick responds, "Bullshit! You can be mine." After this, we see them laugh 'n all, but you know, deep down inside that little jab was just eating Iceman up and I'm willing to bet there's a director's cut out there where you see Iceman ripping out Mav's testicles in an act of jealous rage. Well either that, or he massages Mav's testicles, what with them being totally gay for one another 'n all....

Mick McAllister in "Teen Wolf"

Now this is a great example of one o' my favorite stereotypical asshole characters: the mean asshole who doesn't like somebody because they look different. Mick McAllister is a slow-moving, huge-eyebrowed, caveman-like arrogant asshole who clearly believes himself to be cooler than god. His assholishness can be found throughout the film, such as when he taunts the overweight basketball player and says, "Shoot it, Fatboy!" Then again, the actual name of that character was "Chubby" so perhaps the writer was the real asshole here. Anyway, the main target of Mick's disdain is of course Scott Howard, the teenage boy played by Michael J. Fox who just happens to be a werewolf. Mick doesn't like all the attention that Scott is getting now, because before he "wolfed out", nobody cared about him that much. When his girlfriend starts to pursue Scott as well, Mick decides to knock his ego down a few notches with this little speech: "You don't scare me, freak. Underneath all that hair, you're still a dork, Scott. I've handled your kind before. Your mama used to steal chickens out of the backyard until I blew her head off with a shotgun. Right, Scott?" That right there is 100% pure unfiltered asshole, my friends. Mick manages to be an asshole all the way to the end of the movie, never changing his ways, because he constantly fouls Scott in the championship basketball game and stands under the basket (which would be illegal to do in any real gamel) while staring Scott down as he has to make the last two foul shots. Of course, this being an 80s movie, it ends with a lesson about just being yourself instead of a show-off as Scott (in normal human form) makes the last two shots and wins the championship. Mick is just left standing there with that "not a thought going through this guy's head" look on his face, and even his girlfriend (who is an asshole in her own right) leaves him. Suck on that, Mick.

Viking Lofgren in "Bad Boys"

Ok, this is an interesting take on the typical bullying asshole character that we've seen in so many movies. The movie takes place in a juvenile correctional facility where a guy who is bestowed with one of the greatest character names in the history of film, Viking Lofgren*, is the alpha male amongst all the inmates. And it's no wonder, he looks like he's at least 10 years older than all of 'em, but perhaps that's just because he's a big guy with an amazing hair helmet. Throughout the movie, he acts like an asshole, treating everybody around him like dirt and giving the new guy, Mick, "shithouse detail" (cleaning the bathrooms). What makes this character so amusing, is for all of his intimidating stares and warning, Viking has got to be one of the biggest pussies in the history of bullying. First, he gets his face bashed in with a pillowcase filled with soda cans and loses his status as the alpha male. Then, to add insult to injury, the scrawny little kid (Horowitz) dumps an entire load of food on his head and then kicks him in the nuts as the entire cafeteria cheers him on. And last but not least, young Horowitz turns Viking's radio into a bomb which explodes in his face. For a a big, tough asshole, Viking seriously gets his ass kicked throughout the entire movie. I, for one, can never get enough of watching him get beaten to a pulp with cans of soda.

*Real Vikings were absolute badasses. This guy is clearly not a real Viking.

Dutch in "The Karate Kid"

Don't get me wrong, Johnny Lawrence is one hell of a shining example of the perfect movie asshole, and many people consider him to be the greatest of all time. I'm sure I'll get to discussing him eventually in this series of asshole tribute articles, but for now, I ask you to hear me out because there was another asshole in the movie who always caught my attention. No, not John Kreese, though he was amazing as well. I'm talking about Dutch, the cockiest little shit in the entire Cobra Kai karate gang! Not only is his harassment of Daniel, or "Danielle" as he likes to pronounce it, absolutely impeccable what with his whole "Points or no points, you're dead meat." taunting, but just look into his eyes. Those overconfident wide eyes, that cocky grin... have you ever seen a guy so full of himself? He hops around the tournament floor like a goddamned jumping bean and when he kicks Daniel in the eye, he's quite proud of himself. Furthermore, his real name is Chad. It's clear to me that he was born to play the asshole role of Dutch. Considering how pretty much everybody involved with Cobra Kai was a complete asshole, I must give a tip o' my hat to Dutch for standing out from the rest o' the pack. Dead meat!

Buddy Ackerman in "Swimming With Sharks"

This is one of those movies that I've always felt was extremely underrated, but that's probably because it was promoted as an "uproarious gut busting comedy!!!@!ROFL!@%*#$@ @%$!" when it's actually a brilliant blend of dark humor and drama. Swimming With Sharks is all about the movie making business and Buddy Ackerman (Kevin Spacey) is a bigtime producer who hires Guy to be his personal assistant. Wait, did I say "personal assistant"? I'm sorry, I meant to say "verbal punching bag" instead. When it comes to verbally abusive bosses, Buddy Ackerman takes the cake with his brutal honesty and his ridiculous demands. Here are a few glorious examples of his abuse of Guy:

-"You're happy! I hate that!"

-"You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you!"

-"What I am concerned with is detail. I asked you go get me a packet of Sweet-N-Low. You bring me back Equal. That isn't what I asked for. That isn't what I wanted. That isn't what I needed and that shit isn't going to work around here. Do me a fucking favor. Shut up, listen, and learn. Look, I know that this is your first day and you don't really know how things work around here, so I will tell you. You have no brain. No judgment calls are necessary. What you think means nothing. What you feel means nothing. You are here for me. You are here to protect my interests and to serve my needs. So, while it may look like a little thing to you, when I ask for a packet of Sweet-N-Low, that's what I want. And it's your responsibility to see that I get what I want."

Of course, a man can only take so much, even a schmuck like Guy... so he eventually snaps, takes Buddy hostage and proceeds to beat and torture him as payback for all the abuse. Look, these are the risks you take when you decide to make being an asshole your full-time job. Way it goes.

R.J. Fletcher in "UHF"

Now what list of movie assholes would be complete without at least one rich company executive who wants to shit on all the fun that "the little people" are having? Enter R.J. Fletcher from "Weird Al" Yankovic's classic cult comedy, UHF. George Newman has just been given a chance to bring a fledgling local TV station back to life, and when he manages to turn it into a success (thanks to Stanley Spadowski and his mighty mop of justice), the owner of the rival network station R.J. Fletcher does everything in his power to stop them. But it's not just his attacks on the UHF station that makes him an asshole, it's how he treats everybody around him. For one thing, he fired Spadowski because he believed that he lost some important papers of his, when in fact that had been in his chair all along. A nice person would've apologized to Spadowski and re-hired him instantly, possibly giving him a raise too, but not R.J. He just laughs the whole thing off and doesn't even seem to care that he just canned an honest, hard-working janitor. He's also extremely politically incorrect. For example, when some of his employees mock Pamela Finklestein (a news reporter for the UHF station), she complains to R.J. and he sarcastically responds, "Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chicks broads." Of course, he gets what's coming to him towards the end of the movie, when he's unknowingly broadcast to the entire community as he gives the following speech which reveals just how big of an asshole he truly is:

"This community means about as much to me as a festering ball of dog snot. You think I care about the pea-brained yokels of this town? If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first. I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha."

Also, for the record, I have to say, he's got one of the most assholish laughs I've ever heard. It just screams of evil and insincerity. Kudos to Kevin McCarthy for bringing out one of the greatest bad guy laughs I've ever heard and for creating one of my all time favorite on-screen asshole characters.

Milton Dammers in "The Frighteners"

I'm not sure if it's simply because it wasn't promoted well enough, but Peter Jackson's The Frighteners definitely doesn't get the credit it deserves if you ask me. It's a fun horror-comedy starring Michael J. Fox as a paranormal investigator / con-man who can actually communicate with the dead. When he gets wrapped up with a spree of murders taking place in town, the FBI sends in one of their most nutty agents, Milton "You're invading my personal bubble!" Dammers, to try and put an end to all the inexplicable deaths. He's a bizarre, twitchy little guy who pukes when people yell at him, but the authoritative power that has been bestowed upon him by the United States government has enabled him to overcome his shortcomings and act like a high 'n mighty asshole. You'd think anybody named Milton with a greasy hairdo like that would be predisposed to be an asshole, and considering he appears to be somewhat certifiable, it's not too surprising. He even admits to being an asshole right in the movie, "I am an asshole... with an Uzi!" And to add a just a touch of creepiness to his character, Milton is also into self-mutilation as you'll see when he exposes his heavily scarred chest and proclaims, "My body is a roadmap of pain!" Nobody wants to be in the same room as an asshole, but this is one of of those rare ones who you don't want to be in the same town as.

Chong Li in "Bloodsport"

Yes indeed, it's time for Chong Li! If you haven't seen Bloodsport before, I have only one question for you: why are you wasting your time on the Internet when you could be watching a cinematic masterpiece like that? This movie was really the breakout role Jean-Claude Van Damme had been waiting for and it's still my favorite role of his to date. What's better is that it brought Bolo Yeung back into the eyes of the mainstream for the first time since Bruce Lee's Enter The Dragon. Bolo is a huge beast of a man who could crush your face between his iron pecks, and it's a good thing he left competitive bodybuilding for an acting career, because he makes one hell of an intimidating bad guy. If I had to choose between fighting the Incredible Hulk or Bolo Yeung's "Chong Li" character in Bloodsport, I'd choose the Hulk. The Hulk would smash me, sure, but at least he wouldn't be an asshole about it. That's not the case with Chong Li. In Bloodsport, he is the main bad guy in the underground Kumite competition, and not only overpowers his opponents, he kills them once they're already incapacitated. He's not the most verbal asshole, but he sure loves to taunt the hell out of Jean-Claude, especially when he nearly kills his friend by stomping on his face. Did I mention Bolo Yeung was 49 years old when he filmed Bloodsport? He may be old as your grandparents by now, but he could still tear you in half with his bare hands. Chong Li may have been a big asshole in Bloodsport, but there's no way in hell I would say that to his face.

Bluto in "Popeye"

The final character on my list is Bluto from the Popeye movie. Now, I'll be the first to tell ya, I'm not a big fan of musicals... they almost always bore me straight to sleep, but the Popeye movie was a brilliant translation from the cartoon to real life and I honestly can't imagine anybody not being entertained by it. While every character was cast perfectly, perhaps none were more fit for the role than Paul L. Smith as Bluto. We all know that Bluto was an asshole in the Popeye cartoons, but Paul manages to take it up a notch in this film. Sure, he's got the ogre-like grunts and breathing, and people tremble at his feet wherever he goes, but it's when Popeye and Olive Oyl are late to arrive back at a dinner party that Bluto unleashes his rage upon everyone in sight. And you wanna know the best part about him beating up all the house guests? He sings a song called "I'm Mean" while he's doing it! Here's a sampling of the lyrics:

"I'm mean, I'm mean, I'm mean, Ya know what I mean. I'm so mean I had a dream of beatin' myself up. I broke my nose, I broke my hand, I wrestled myself to the ground and then choked myself to death then broke the choke and woke up!"

Bluto, you definitely belong on everybody's list of the top asshole characters in cinematic history. One thing though, next time you beat the pulp out of Popeye, don't stuff his face with spinach. You'll have more chances to be mean to people that way.

And there you have some of my all-time favorite movie assholes. Again, this is just the first article in what will probably be an ongoing series here on I-Mockery, so if I didn't get to cover your favorite movie asshole yet, feel free to post any of your suggestions in the comments area below. Who knows, I just might include your suggestions in the next article. Then again, maybe I'm an asshole too and won't even bother to read your comments.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

My Favorite Movie Assholes: Part 2
My Favorite Movie Assholes: Part 2

My Favorite Christmas Movie Assholes
My Favorite Christmas Movie Assholes

Reader Comments

Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:01 PM
I like how I've only ever seen three or four of those movies!
Sapper Whacker
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:05 PM
I personally like the sterotypical Evil German Guy from Indiana Jones and The Raiders Of The Lost Ark, the one with the weird hair and the black coat, but Bluto was an awesome choice for lead. Also, hilariously funny. I lol'ed more than six times, which is hard for the Internet to do.
Riot Control
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:17 PM
Gotta hate that Johnny Lawrence bastard. By the way, I think that one asshole you certainly overlooked is Biff Tanner from the Back to the Future series.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:19 PM
Almost every movie has a certified asshole, whether they try to or not, so it can be hard to make a condensed list of each.

You can go with Chris Hargensen from Carrie, due to the fact that she caused the main character freak out dumping pigs blood on her while uncontrollably licking her lips. On the same note you can take other villains from Steven King novels, like Jack Nicholson’s character in “The Shining” or Kathy Bates character in “Misery”.

Other assholes include ones from the Indiana Jones series. My favorite would have to be Major Arnold Ernst Toht because he was such a prick and looked a little creepy in those horn-rimmed glasses.

Judge Elihu Smails from Caddyshack or Gregory Marmalard and Douglas C. Niedermeyer from Animal House are also a couple of suggestions of people that can be looked at.

You can go even into the horror genre, but I view most of the supposed villains more as heroes or simply misunderstood people that are trying to clear the world of dimwitted, horny teenagers.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:22 PM
Quote:
I personally like the sterotypical Evil German Guy from Indiana Jones and The Raiders Of The Lost Ark
I see that we think alike JJ, that German guy was downright creepy!
Retardedly Handsome
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:24 PM
If you haven't seen bloodsport then you also nust not own a TV. At any given time you can probably find it on TBS or TNT.

R.J. Fletcher & son, Richard, were a good asshole duo.
Riot Control
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:51 PM
Hey, that old dude Grand Moff Tarkin is another asshole I mostly remember for his line regarding his dismissal of the officer's adivce about the Death Star's weakness. Way to go dude, you just screwed yourself by abandoning the only chance to save your ass!
Riot Control
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:56 PM
Quote:
You can go with Chris Hargensen from Carrie, due to the fact that she caused the main character freak out dumping pigs blood on her while uncontrollably licking her lips. On the same note you can take other villains from Steven King novels, like Jack Nicholson’s character in “The Shining” or Kathy Bates character in “Misery”.
Kathy Bates give me the creeps dude, you can't imagine how many times I failed to catch my sleep because I was fearing she would come around to break my ankles.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:59 PM
There is also Principal Togar from Rock 'n' Roll Highschool. She just could not understand the awesomeness of the Ramones.
Forum Virgin
Jun 25th, 2008, 06:13 PM
Is there some reason we're all ignoring the genre defining asshole? General Zod.
Forum Virgin
Jun 25th, 2008, 06:43 PM
I nominate Shooter McGavin of HAPPY GILMORE fame.
Pickled Patriarch
Jun 25th, 2008, 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Retro-Pirate View Post
Is there some reason we're all ignoring the genre defining asshole? General Zod.
Heheh, he almost made the list this time, especially since I run GeneralZod.net 'n all, but I figured I'd save him for the future... primarily, because I worry he'll kill me with his eye lasers if I talk shit about him.

Keep those suggestions coming everyone... lotta good ones so far. I definitely agree about Biff Tanner and Toht. I'll have to cover those guys in some future installments.
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Jun 25th, 2008, 07:42 PM
Xur from The Last Starfighter! Everything about that guys screamed prick.
Geek Wench
Jun 25th, 2008, 08:01 PM
What?? No Harry Flugleman?? I know he only has one scene in Three Amigos, but still, you gotta admire the fact that in one single scene, he manages to end the Amigos careers, take their clothes, their money, and their residence. That's some industrial strength asshole right there.
What Video Games?
Jun 25th, 2008, 08:09 PM
Fantastic article. And it reminds me of that "asshole" song...

I'm an asshole! And Asshole! An asshole-e-yol-e-yoleeeeee....
Member
Jun 25th, 2008, 08:22 PM
General Sark of TRON and Indies Rival, Belloq would both make great Assholes. I really liked Belloq, especially his monolauge at the begining of Raiders. The Big Lebowski has its asshole right in the title. Could you include Starscream, even though he only appeared in one movie and is mostly a T.V. character?
Fuzzball
Jun 25th, 2008, 09:16 PM
Hey I-Mock (RoG, Proto, Burbank) just want to let you know you're making my Summer better. I've been enjoying the break but am bored shitless in this small town (my last year so am out early so friends are still in + work) so I started looking back over I-Mock for movie suggestions and just general humour and you've introduced me [so far] to stuff like "Falling Down" and just today "Bloodsport" awesome movies! I'll be checking back over the site for more obviously - and on this list - but just wanted to say thanks for entertaining me these past few years and introducing me to and getting great movies like these the attention and exposure they are due. Keep on with the humour because you're all awesome at it.
after enough bourbon ...
Jun 25th, 2008, 09:23 PM
Hans Gruber and Colonel Grant from the first two Die Hard movies.

EDIT: Actually, now that I think about it, Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson (Paul Gleason) from Die Hard and Carmine Lorenzo (Dennis Franz) from Die Hard II are probably better choices. And I was mistaken - it's Colonel Stuart and Major Grant as the two villains in Die Harder. (I should fact check before posting <sigh>)
Forum Virgin
Jun 25th, 2008, 09:41 PM
You left out the biggest asshole in the universe: Starscream. I'm not talking about his pussy ass 2007 movie version, no, I'm talking about the G1 and the new Animated version. Since the very beginning of the franchise he's been trying to get rid of Megatron and become the new leader of the Decepticons. For example, in the 86 movie when Megatron got his ass handed to him by a barely functioning Prime, Starscream threw old Megatron out of Astrotrain in the middle of space! Though he was reduced to ash afterwards during his coronation ceremony by Galvatron, I wont deny that, he was still an asshole when he died!
Fake Shemp
Jun 25th, 2008, 09:50 PM
Absolutely - The Tannen Family from the Back to the Future movies - assholes from (at least) 1885 until (at least) 2015 - "Mad Dog" to Griff. Specializing in everything from name calling, bullying, attempted homicide, actual homicide, and, of course, attempted rape.
Fake Shemp
Jun 25th, 2008, 09:59 PM
- and hey, what about Vernon Wells - not only did he play psycho-with-a-man-slave-on-a-leash asshole Wez in The Road Warrior - but also played the chain mail wearing to hide the paunch Bennett in Commando :P

- or Uncle Les from Braindead/Dead Alive
Jason's a Furry! Run!
Jun 25th, 2008, 10:14 PM
I've only seen one of those movies... I fail

I'm in complete agreement with McFly about Chris Hargensen from Carrie. But when it comes to complete assholes in movies, I always go with Harry Cooper from The Night of the Living Dead, particularly him in the 1990 color remake (at least in the original he helped a little bit. In the remake he was an unhelpful dick throughout the entire film).
Forum Virgin
Jun 25th, 2008, 11:12 PM
Ooh! Ooh! I vote for Rhodes from DAY OF THE DEAD!

After the legendary "Choke on 'em!" moment, I always love to say, "Where we're going, we don't need... Rhodes."
grants but one wish
Jun 25th, 2008, 11:18 PM
heh, bluto
An Arizona Horror Company
Jun 25th, 2008, 11:30 PM
Holy shit, this will be a great series-- and the reader suggestions have been fantastic.

The first ones that popped to mind-- Toht from RAIDERS and Harry Cooper from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (either version, although the '90 version owns every other, IMHO)-- have been nominated already. I'll suggest Michael Rooker's variation on R.J. Fletcher, in MALLRATS, Alec Baldwin in GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS (not just an asshole, but an asshole with dialogue by David Mamet-- "Coffee's for closers!"), and Henry Gibson in THE BLUES BROTHERS. And would there even be a yardstick for movie assholery without John Cazale's work in THE GODFATHER and THE GODFATHER PART II? "It's what Pop wanted!" "It's not what I wanted!" King Asshole.
Member
Jun 26th, 2008, 12:54 AM
Desert, you reminded me that there are so many assholes in Blues Brothers, from Illinois Nazis to Carrie Fischer, that it could probably come up in future installments of this article.
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:59 AM
Dude, Clubber Lang. He killed The Penguin.
Is a thin donkey
Jun 26th, 2008, 02:09 AM
Clubber Lang? What about IVAN DRAGO? HE killed Apollo Creed, and who could forget the line, "If he dies, he dies."
Strange blob from beyond
Jun 26th, 2008, 03:17 AM
Great list! Kudos for UHF and The frighteners. But how can you mention Milton without his best line "You can't hurt me as I'm wearing a STEEL BREASTPLATE!!!!!!!!"
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 03:30 AM
If I may suggest for the next list Richard Vernon (The Breakfast Club) and Bill Lumbergh (Office Space).

R.J. Fletcher and Walter Peck are definately admirable additions to any Asshole list
Member
Jun 26th, 2008, 03:34 AM
Quote:
He's a bizarre, twitchy little guy who pukes when people yell at him, but the authoritative power that has been bestowed upon him by the United States government has enabled him to overcome his shortcomings and act like a high 'n mighty asshole.
I never figured out why Trini Alvarado (Dr. Lucy) didn't scream to get away from him near that bit at the end. It's what I would have done. Ah well. Drama, I suppose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ferrit View Post
Absolutely - The Tannen Family from the Back to the Future movies - assholes from (at least) 1885 until (at least) 2015 - "Mad Dog" to Griff. Specializing in everything from name calling, bullying, attempted homicide, actual homicide, and, of course, attempted rape.
Seconded! The same with the 80's Starscream comments. He's such a conniving little worm, isn't he? I always use him as an example for Neutral Evil when I'm trying to explain it to non/new gamers.

Ones I'd like to nominate are Ed Rooney from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and Johner (Ron Perlman) from "Alien Resurrection." If I have to explain Rooney, you've obviously been living under a rock. Johner, though, I just remember thinking what an asshole he was all through the movie, given his attitude and how he treated the rest of the crew.

Come to think of it, I might also say Riddick, from "Pitch Black." Yeah, he's the "hero" of the story, but face it, he's still an asshole *laughs*
Awesomephile
Jun 26th, 2008, 04:39 AM
Great article.

I'd have to go ahead and suggest Francis Buxton from Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
Fookin' up planets!
Jun 26th, 2008, 05:00 AM
I second Ed Rooney from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".
Such a prick.

But in his own whiny ass way so was Cameron.
OH GOD
Jun 26th, 2008, 06:20 AM
my favorite movie, assholes
Fanboy
Jun 26th, 2008, 06:48 AM
I would include that asshole Telly from "Kids".

Great idea for a series, look forward to the next.
Member
Jun 26th, 2008, 08:14 AM
Pretty good thus far. But the fact that you mentioned Viking Lofgren and failed to mention that he played another awesome asshole is criminal. I'm talking about Victor Kruger from Highlander of course. A quintessential asshole character who has been an asshole since the middle ages.

I'd also like to nominate Luther from The Warriors. He was an asshole to everyone throughout the entire film and was creepy and unpleasant to go with it the majority of the time.
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 10:05 AM
Great list. Looking forward to the next. One of my favorite assholes has got to be "Dr. Hill" from "Re-Animator". He's the one and only decapitated zombie asshole. If you are going to include cartoon assholes, might a suggest the biggest cartoon asshole of all time "Bugs Bunny". That smug bastard! Why couldn't they just let Fudd blow a soup-can sized hole through his head, just once?
Flying Finn
Jun 26th, 2008, 11:11 AM
Great list Rog...and great additions.

Yet one of (in my opinnion) the biggest assholes has not been mentioned;
Gunnery Sergant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket.
Man that guy was an epipeth of asshole-ism.
Who can forget lines like:

"Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!"

AND

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 12:07 PM
I'd like to nominate that guy who punches Bruce Willis twice after giving him a cigarette in The Last Boy Scout, and Johnny The Boy from Mad Max. Such a weasly sycophantic little prick.
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:12 PM
How about Teddy Beckersted and his father from One Crazy Summer or Eddie Arkadian and Sho'nuff from The Last Dragon?
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:20 PM
I'd like to nominate Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg from The Fifth Element. Gary Oldman was awesome as Zorg. His assholeness, of course, can be seen during the speech he gives to Father Cornelius when they first meet.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Jun 26th, 2008, 02:27 PM
I think that we might be missing one of the most prolific assholes: Darth Vader. Not the petty, whiny version in the prequels; but the heartless one in New Hope and Empire. Jedi he started to show a little emotion towards his son, which was his ultimate downfall.
Leo Getz
Jun 26th, 2008, 02:51 PM
I originally thought this was going to be pornographic in some way.
Ninja Meatloaf Fox
Jun 26th, 2008, 03:27 PM
You forgot leif garret's role in the outsiders, nothing screams asshole like those curls.
Pickled Patriarch
Jun 26th, 2008, 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Styled Executioner View Post
Pretty good thus far. But the fact that you mentioned Viking Lofgren and failed to mention that he played another awesome asshole is criminal. I'm talking about Victor Kruger from Highlander of course. A quintessential asshole character who has been an asshole since the middle ages.
Yeah, and he was also the main asshole prison guard in The Shawshank Redemption and the asshole evil preacher in Carnivale... Clancy clearly knows how to play bad guys well. Viking just happens to be one of my favorites of his, because as big of an asshole as he is, he gets his ass handed to him throughout the film. Definitely can't say that about Victor Kruger heheh...

And thanks to all of you for posting so many good suggestions... keep 'em coming! You're definitely giving me plenty to work with here!
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 07:50 PM
Scorpio from Dirty Harry.
Forum Virgin
Jun 26th, 2008, 08:49 PM
Well, yeah, but Ivan Drago was a huge guy who hit people really hard. Apollo Creed was a boxer, and he killed him in the ring boxing the hell out of him. Burgess Meredith got killed because he got in Mr. T's way. Oh, and Mr. T held a press conference to say he was going to rape Talia Shire. I mean, dude.
Importer/Exporter
Jun 27th, 2008, 12:31 AM
I hereby nominate Nash, portrayed by Jim Varney, from Ernest Goes to Jail. He has Ernest locked up, he stole his girlfriend and his house, alienated his friends, and threw his dog Rimshot in the trash.
Forum Virgin
Jun 27th, 2008, 12:42 AM
I have to nominate Chet Donnelly(Bill Paxton) from Weird Science. He spends the whole movie tormenting Gary and Wyatt and then gets himself turned into a huge pile of shit. That's pretty hardcore assholism. I really can't argue with the list and the other suggestions. There are some true assholes there.
Forum Virgin
Jun 27th, 2008, 01:05 AM
ohmygawd! I totally second the Chet nomination. To this day, everytime I make myself breakfast, I remember how he stole Wyatt's, spit in it and then said, "now make yourself some." It's totally worse too because they're brothers.
Forum Virgin
Jun 27th, 2008, 06:50 AM
How can you forget the Captain from "Pan's Labyrinth"?!?!
Forum Virgin
Jun 27th, 2008, 07:25 AM
Hedley Lamarr from Blazing Saddles. Not only is he an asshole but he loves his froggy in the tub.
The Resident Redneck
Jun 27th, 2008, 03:12 PM
What about some of Tim Curry's roles? He can play a good asshole, and a creepy one to top it off.
Freak Power
Jun 27th, 2008, 07:43 PM
almost anything Bruce Campbell played in... Ash in 'Army of Darkness'... Elvis in 'Bubba Ho Tep' I mean he's not like a maniacal asshole, just an <i>asshole</i> asshole ya know? Like when Ash forgets his line in the cemetary... all I could think was "What an asshole...."
Serial Loiterer
Jun 27th, 2008, 08:00 PM
Three Words... Judge Elihu Smails

Played by Ted Knight in the epic classic, Caddyshack. Not only did he have great memorable one-liners like, "Spaulding get your foot off the boat!", "Don't you people have homes?", and "Well the world needxs ditch diggers too." But he wrote a beutiful poem about being an asshole.

It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you've got the stack market beat
But the man worth while
Is the man who can smile
When his shorts are too tight in the seat

Nothing says smuggness like that. He's so much of an asshole that he makes Ty Webb (a tremendous asshole character) seem like a charming guy throughout the whole movie.
Forum Virgin
Jun 27th, 2008, 08:23 PM
Perhaps a drama movie like 'This boy's life' is not really suitable for a list like this one, but for me there is no bigger asshole then Dwight (Robert DeNiro)
Member
Jun 28th, 2008, 01:41 AM
Seeing the Judge Smails poem reminded me of another lyrical asshole...Dom Deluise's Melvin P. Thorpe from "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." I mean, nobody thought twice about the Chicken Ranch until he decided to put it on television. Even when I was younger, I was booing him *laughs*

And another Atherton asshole...Jerry Hathaway from "Real Genius" (and his sidekick, Kent, played by Robert Prescott) Not only did they make life miserable for the main characters, they totally lied about their plans for the laser.
Serial Loiterer
Jun 28th, 2008, 03:25 AM
Jerry Hathaway! Now that's an asshole I haven't heard about in years. He was asshole of Walter Peck proportions.

"What are you looking at? You're laborers, you should be laboring. That's waht you get for not having an education."
Member
Jun 28th, 2008, 03:58 AM
I noticed Viking Lonfgren was played by Clancy Brown. That's the guy who played Kurgan, the huge bad guy Mcleod had to defeat in the end of Highlander. Now putting your enemies girlfriend in a car with you as you play chicken at high speed through the streets of New York. Now that's an asshole!
Imperial Stormtrooper
Jun 28th, 2008, 05:55 AM
I gotta agree with Bolo Yung being on the list.. man that guy is scary!
Space Case
Jun 28th, 2008, 08:19 AM
I'm glad people mentioned Hans Gruber, Francis Buxton, Shooter Mcgavin, and Luther. Some suggestions of my own would be Dick Jones(or Cohagen...), Stiffler, John Goodman or Ted McGinley in Revenge of the Nerds, That weasely guy or the entire O'doyle family from Billy Madison, The evil German ping pong champ in Balls of Fury, and the entire Spursbury Police Department(and Farva) from Super Troopers.
Member
Jun 29th, 2008, 01:09 AM
BRICK TOP.

And Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, even though he eventually learns his lesson.

But my numero uno pick goes to Clarence Bodickker.
Forum Virgin
Jun 29th, 2008, 04:34 AM
Hey ROG
I was just submitting that according to IMDB Walter Peck will be rearing his ugly head again this fall when The Ghostbusters game comes out for the XBOX360, hopefully it will be better than that exact movie to video game release of the Ghostbusters for the NES. Also a couple of my favorite movie assholes are: Sylvester Stallone as Machine Gun Joe Viterbo in Death Race 2000, and Michael DeLuise as Matt Wilson, the bully in Encino Man. SHUSH
per sempre vigilante
Jun 29th, 2008, 12:37 PM
Scutt Farkas from "A Christmas Story"
pickled
Jun 29th, 2008, 01:59 PM
Finally someone who actually likes the movie Popeye.
Sine Wave
Jun 29th, 2008, 10:02 PM
Wow, great list. The on tremendous asshole I remember that wasn't named yet (and kinda fitting giving the recent article on Patrick Swayze's 'Renegades') would be Brad Wesley from 'Road House'. Bullying town people, setting farms on fire, crushing all the cars in a car salesman's yard... Sure, he didn't do all this stuff himself, but doing all this crap through his cronies makes him an even bigger asshole - especially since he's such a dick towards his employees throughout the whole movie.

That, and he killed Wade Garrett. What an asshole.
Dirty Birdy
Jun 30th, 2008, 04:11 PM
How about Gene Wilder in Charlie and the Chocolate factory?

"But...Mr. Wonka..."
"GOOD DAY SIR!"

Also, The hunchback from 300. What a dick.
Forum Virgin
Jun 30th, 2008, 04:23 PM
The soda can scene in "Bad Boys" is one of the greatest moments in cinematic history. I still get chills of pure elation every time I watch that shit.
4 Eyes, No Brain.
Jun 30th, 2008, 05:40 PM
There is some top arsehole-age going on there Rog. I have to agree with whoever said Shooter McGavin, that dude is a top-notch arsehole. "Choke on that BABY !!!!"
Forum Virgin
Jun 30th, 2008, 06:28 PM
Cooper from Night of the Living Dead. Gotta have him on the next list.
Importer/Exporter
Jul 1st, 2008, 02:05 AM
Hardy Jenns from Some Kind of Wonderful.

James Spader in Pretty in Pink.

The principal in The Breakfast Club.

FRANCIS from Pee Wee's Big Adventure!!
Master of Awesome Sauce!
Jul 1st, 2008, 03:16 PM
What about Mallrats? That movie had two assholes for the price of one! Also I'd have to say Ash form Army of Darkness. yeah, he is the good guy, but he's still an asshole. And let's not forget about the "Extreme Sports Punks" from Harold and Kumar.
My final suggestion is something I don't think anyone would say: Lord Rothbart from The Swan Princess!! No really, That guy is pure asshole set in human form!!
There are more, but they have been said already, I think!

Great article! can't wait for the next one!
Who? Me?
Jul 1st, 2008, 10:08 PM
I LOVED/HATED R.J. Fletcher!!!
4 Eyes, No Brain.
Jul 3rd, 2008, 08:15 AM
Don't think anyone has mentioned Chaka Luther King (Chris Rock) from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This guy screamed arsehole, especially in the way he just rides poor Jamie Kennedy's assistant character. Still a very, very funny character, even though he's only in it for about 10 minutes or so. Pure arseholeage.
Forum Virgin
Jul 4th, 2008, 10:00 PM
finally someone who mentions sgt hartmann from full metal jacket
other assholes worth considering:
the captain from "pan's labyrinth" i mean, he smashes a dude's face with a gun!
javier bardem's character in "no country for old men" for shooting people with a compressor and just being all psychotic
idi amin dada from "the last king of scotland" though not a swacko as the real amin, he dismembers onw of his wives for being unfaithful, and to make it worse she was pregnant.
although he's been mentioned in another article, definately ichi the killer!
and who could forget steve stifler!
white from "dodgeball"
the mongolian dude from "the quest" which after bloodsport is van damme's best movie!!
definately jp from "grandma's boy" adios turdnuggets!!
and that's all for now!! to protoclown, you should definately consider the assholes thing as a long term project, it's just too many assholes to mention.
Forum Virgin
Jul 5th, 2008, 02:34 AM
Older Films
Mr. Potter from "It's A Wonderful Life". The Alpha and Omega of rich, business tycoon assholes.
Lord Ravenhurst from "The Court Jester" will finish you off with a mere snap of his fingers.
While somewhat likable, Max Bialystock from "The Producers" ought to qualify just for preying on the loneliness of little old ladies.

Modern Films
Biff Tannen, any age.
Cloverfield. Pick a character, any character.
Mr. Teatime from "The Hogfather".

Groups
The E-XTREME sports punks who listen to Wilson Phillips from "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle".
The entire bridge and gunnery crews of Spaceball One, literally.
Fuzzball
Jul 5th, 2008, 10:24 AM
Agent Smith from the Matrix films! The burly brawl scene alone surely warrants him a place and of course his constant asshole-ish dialogue especially in that scene from the first film with Morpheus when he's ranting about mankind: "I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it"
Deadite
Jul 5th, 2008, 04:25 PM
I was so glad to see The Frighteners mentioned here. I love that movie.
Forum Virgin
Jul 5th, 2008, 08:27 PM
continuing with my choice for assholes
instructor zim from "starship troopers" for throwing a knife at ace's hand with the argument that "enemy cant press the button if you disable his hand". he had a point, but that doesnt take away the fact that he's an asshole
king edward I from "braveheart"
devo from "friday"
mr burns from "the simpsons"
pretty much everyone that picks on bobby boucher on "the waterboy" but specially Coach Red Beaulieu
tony montana
GoldMember
Jul 5th, 2008, 09:41 PM
What about that REALLY Christian women from The Mist? She was the biggest assshole I've ever seen. D:
Sardonically Delicious
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:34 AM
Couple more:

-R. Lee Ermey as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket
-Fisher Stevens as 'The Plague'/the corporate hacker/security guru from Hackers
Forum Virgin
Jul 6th, 2008, 07:39 AM
Obadiah Hakeswill from Sharpe
Cast "Summon Boat"
Jul 9th, 2008, 11:50 AM
Some people here need to tighten their definition of "movie asshole" just that little bit.

Kurt Fuller has always played a splendid asshole over the years. He truly has honed the skills of being kind of a jerk and having a jerk-like face... but he's still a professional. [
Forum Virgin
Jul 10th, 2008, 03:38 AM
I would have to say Werner Herzog in Julien-Donkey Boy. Mostly because he tried to make his son wear his dead mother's wedding dress and dance with him for $5.
MELTING WATCHES, GALA!
Jul 12th, 2008, 08:17 AM
We can't deny it any longer people.

Colonel Dietrich is the best movie asshole.
Forum Virgin
Jul 17th, 2008, 01:36 PM
I've got a pair of assholes no one's mentioned. The Vega Brothers.

Vic Vega appears in Reservoir Dogs. Now, shooting an innocent clerk, kidnapping a police officer, cutting off his ear (while DANCING to Stealer's Wheel, no less), and dousing him in gasoline are bad. The jewel in the asshole crown, however, is his first appearance in the movie. We first see Vega leaning against a hearse with a Big Kahuna Burger cup in his hand. Shortly afterwards, he shows Mr. White and Mr. Pink the cop he kidnapped. This means on the way to the hideout, he went through a Big Kahuna drive-thru with a kidnapped cop in his trunk.

Vincent Vega appears in Pulp Fiction. Throughout the course of the movie, Vincent dismisses any sort of spiritual talk from Jules, shoots Marvin in the head and immediately palms off any sort of responsibility, chastises the man responsible for helping them out for not saying please, sticks Jules on the harder of the two cleanup tasks, calls Butch a palooka (term for a boxer taking a dive), again insults anything Jules has to tell him, insults the waiter at Jack Rabbit Slim's and the five-dollar shake on the menu, leaves high-grade heroin in the coat he gives to Mia, and crashes his car on Lance's house after Lance told him to stay away. This is all in chronological order, not in assholishness order or movie order.
Forum Virgin
Jul 18th, 2008, 03:01 PM
a few more assholes:
Castor Troy from "faceoff", does it matter if he's played by travolta or cage? hell no!!
Ernie Mccraken from "kingpin" bill murray does a heck of a good job playing this asshole who breaks our heroe's wrist!
dorian from "the Mask" specially after he wears the mask!!
and of course, eric cartman
Forum Virgin
Aug 7th, 2008, 04:37 PM
after watching the dark knight, the joker!
professor klump's evil alter ego buddy lover from "nutty professor"
the butcher from "gangs of new york"
Forum Virgin
Aug 7th, 2008, 06:08 PM
At the risk of seeming obnoxious, the quote from the Frighteners is, "violation of my territorial bubble," and the only reason I mention it is because those particular words are different than what you usually hear, and a further credit to the quote.
Forum Virgin
Aug 18th, 2008, 04:22 PM
Walter Peck appeared in an episode of The Real Ghostbusters as well.
Forum Virgin
Sep 5th, 2008, 01:41 PM
I wanted to toss a couple your way, also. Curtis Mooney from Killer Klowns from Outer Space was definitely an asshole, and a paranoid one at that. He refused to believe there was an alien clown invasion right up until the rubber nose was staring him in the face. Also, Dean Wormer from Animal House... actually, just about any Dean from any college movie would fit here, I think.

Excellent article, I clicked on it especially after I saw R.J. Fletcher's face on the link.
Fookin' up planets!
Sep 30th, 2008, 06:18 AM
Do you ever have a list of "Non-Movie Assholes"? Because I would love to be on that list yo.
Forum Virgin
Nov 2nd, 2008, 08:53 PM
How has no one metioned OTTO from BEETLEJUICE? That one seems so obvious! He made me angry just to look at!
100% Regulator
Nov 28th, 2008, 01:28 PM
McFly: The Ramones do rock so hard and that dumbass principal could not feel the punk!
Saturday Night Slammaster
Nov 29th, 2008, 11:11 AM
Call him lame if you want, but I always thought Ivan Ooze from the Power Rangers movie was a total ass.
Insane Writer
Dec 6th, 2008, 01:22 AM
Great list! I'm amazed (and thrilled) that you've got Bluto on there.

A few suggestions of mine: Biff Tanon and all of his variations from the Back to the Future triology (Micheal J. Fox really meets some jerks in his movies, huh?)

Also, Bud Frump, from How to Succeed in Business Without Even Trying.
Forum Virgin
Jan 27th, 2009, 11:47 PM
Ahahaha! What a great list of A-holes! The best one in my opinion is Milton Dammers. He was such a class A Asshole that he was so perfect for that role!
Forum Virgin
Feb 10th, 2009, 03:07 AM
Waaaaaaaaiiiiiiit a second... where the hell is Rhodes from Day of the Dead? He had asshole written all over him!

And also, don't forget Cap. Vidal from Pan's Labyrinth. As with typical Fascists, he just metaphorically screams, "ASSHOLE!"
Forum Virgin
Feb 13th, 2009, 06:35 PM
Sho Nuff from the Last Dragon

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