Currently, I work at an EB GameWorld store. It's not the best job in the world by any means... doesn't pay anything amazing and the company only gives a measly 10% discount (cheap bastards). But, there are still some advantages of working there. Aside from getting to work with some cool people and being surrounded by video games that I'm addicted to, anytime there's a price drop on an item in the store I'm one of the first people to have a chance to buy it. Video games, DVDs, and of course my first love...
brings brings me to the topic of today's piece:
originally going for $29.99 in the store but recently went down to $4.99.
Now just look at him for a second. If you had a chance to buy something so
disgustingly cute for $4.99 wouldn't you? It's one of those things that's
so cute you don't know whether to cherish it or smash it into a thousand
pieces. So, I bought two of them just in case I did feel the urge to
you have to do is put three C-size batteries in the base of Mutsu's home.
Funny thing though, in the "To Ensure Proper Function" section, it states,
"Do not dispose of batteries in fire, batteries may explode or leak."
I don't know about you people, but I tend to throw my batteries in the
trash. I never associated them with kindle, but apparently someone out
there has, and thus we see this warning in the instructions. Also, why did
they include this warning in the "To Ensure Proper Function" section? I
mean, if you throw dead batteries into the fireplace, that's not going to
really do anything to the Mutsu toy itself. Unless you throw the Mutsu toy
into the fire with the batteries, then I can see how the performance of
Mutsu might be sub-par.
Moving on, we have to insert the tray into the base of the unit and then add the cave where Mutsu spends most of his time hiding from the world. You also add in some plastic seaweed pieces to it. There are two large pieces of seaweed and then one small one. Well, I *think* the small one is supposed to be seaweed, but if you ask me, they just had some extra plastic left over from the original mold so they decided to add it in. If Mutsu could speak English, he'd probably tell you to remove that little piece of plastic from his home before he takes a fishy little shit on it.
step to getting Mutsu ready for action is to fill the tray with water. Now
before you get all "water happy", the instructions warn us: "WARNING: To
ensure proper function please do not exceed the water limit line." So
apparently, unlike real fish, if you put too much water in the tray, Mutsu
will drown. Then again, like I said before, he's so cute that you want to kill
him 50% of the time. So drowning him may very well be a viable option at some point for
So in order for you to see Mutsu progress through 4 stages of development (the 4th and final stage behind the one where he escapes his tray and slits your throat while you sleep) there are several ways for you to interact with him. First he reacts to light. Turn the lights off and his cave will light up and he'll make a goofy little noise. Turn the lights on and his cave will light up and he'll make a goofy little noise. ACTION PACKED!
to interact with him is to talk to Mutsu. There's a mic on the base of the
unit so that Mutsu can hear what you're saying. Now for the first stage
Mutsu barely even shows his face. He's too shy to come out. And believe me
folks, I tried everything. I offered him money, fame, and even a
Mutstitute (that's Mutsu-talk for "prostitute" in case you were wondering).
Nothing seemed to work. Then when I broke down into tears over my failed
attempts to gain his trust, the little bastard came out of his cave and
Well, regardless of the constant food taunting that he has to endure, Mutsu seems to have a real positive outlook on life. He can take a good mocking better than most humans can. Hell, sometimes when you taunt him with food he'll come out of his cave and DO A DANCE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!
I shit you
not, he'll bust out a crazy dance beat and just start dancing to the
rhythm without a care in the world. He might be a cold, heartless piece of
plastic without the qualities that most "real" pets have... but I
challenge any of you to get your fish to come out and "bust-a-move" for
you like Mutsu can.
I still haven't figured out what the hell Michi is supposed to be, but I'm guessing he wants to die. First off, he's constantly being sexually harassed by Mutsu. Mutsu will rub up on Michi and make "kissy" sounds when he passes by. I really feel bad for Michi. I mean, he looks like a piece of corn. You just can't have a respectable existence when you look like a piece of corn. But that's not the worst of it, as if looking like a jolly green giant product wasn't bad enough, Michi is BOLTED INTO THE GROUND. That's right. You can't pick up him. You can't remove Michi from Mutsu's domain in an attempt to rescue him from a lifetime of sexual harassment. All he can do is try to turn away from Mutsu, but in the end, Michi is utterly defenseless against Mutsu's perversions. Yeah, those animal rights people will protest a fur coat store, but are they around to answer the cries of Michi? No, they're most certainly not.
On a separate note: I recently found out that there is a Mutsu game in Japan for the Gameboy Advance. First a Domo-Kun game and now this. I REALLY need to get one of those systems sometime soon. I missing out on too much.
on... we've basically got everything about Mutsu covered. We've talked
about Mutsu's disgusting cuteness, the crazy sounds he makes during the 4
stages of his development, the food taunts, the dancing, and the sexual
abuse of Michi. Now all of this sounds like a pretty great deal for just
$4.99, but there's something that the box nor the instructions warn us
Mutsu then jumped out of his tray and started to head towards me. I was convinced that my life was about to end. Luckily, I had "Snish" (an old Boglins toy from the 80's) come to my rescue.
Snish the fish and Mutsu started duking it out, and the fight was extremely brutal, but I couldn't stay around to see who won. Considering Mutsu is a cyborg from the future and Snish is a toy from the 80's, I think Mutsu will be the victor. And let's face it. If Mutsu won the battle against Snish, he would come for me next in order to complete his mission. That's just not something I can take the chance of. So I left my apartment and I'm not going back for a long time. So if any of you need to get in touch with me, I'll be hiding out in my apartment complex's laundry room from now on.
But what if, just what if Snish was able to defeat Mutsu? Would I be safe? Could I return to my apartment and sleep well once again? I think not... for Mutsu's are being created by the thousands and they can be dispatched to come kill me at any moment and there's no way Snish could fight them all.
And even worse... Mutsu can bring his FRIENDS to help!
If you actually read this whole article, you might remember me saying I bought an extra Mutsu. Well guess what? I'm going to be giving one away two one lucky winner! All you have to do is flex your artistic skills (or lack thereof) a little bit.
As you know, Mutsu was sent here to kill me. But what would Mutsu look like if he came with some kind of crazy weaponry/armor/vehicles/etc. All of these things would help him kill his target much easier. So, all you have to do is draw a picture of Mutsu with whatever crazy weapons, armor, etc. that you can think of. You can even show Mutsu killing somebody with all the gore and carnage you like! Mmmm, gore. And remember, you don't have to be an amazing artist to enter the contest. ANYBODY can enter.
Even if you don't win, fret not, for your work will not have gone to waste. I will be displaying ALL of the entries here on the site for the world to see. Ok well not the entire world, just the sick and demented inhabitants. Hrm... yeah I guess that is the whole world. Ok, now for the contest details/rules/etc...
So that's all there is to it! Start drawing your psycho Mutsu fish complete with whatever crazy weapons 'n stuff that you can come up with, and you just might win a Mutsu of your very own! Good luck to all of you and let the carnage via Mutsu begin!
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