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Invasion Of The Mini-Ninja!
by:
-RoG-

I-Mockery.com headquarters was recently attacked by a horde of 5 mini-ninja! I wouldn't have believed it if one of the many security cameras in my apartment didn't capture it all on film! Before we get to the security camera footage, allow me to introduce you to each of these tiny stealth warriors.

Codename: Blue Ninja
Clan:
The Secret Mini Ninja Clan!
Specialty: Nunchakus
Quote: "Death comes to us all. But, should your death be delivered by a ninja like me, well... you really should be pissed off at God for letting something that brutal happen to you."
Codename: Orange Ninja
Clan:
The Secret Mini Ninja Clan!
Specialty: Grappling Hook
Quote: "There are many hunters who wear orange, but none are more fierce than I! My outfit blinds all of my enemies instantly! I also strive to grapple things."
Codename: Purple Ninja
Clan:
The Secret Mini Ninja Clan!
Specialty: Knives & Shurikens
Quote: "I lost one of my contacts. So you'll often see me kneeling on the ground trying to find it. Please watch where you step ok? They don't come cheap!"
Codename: Pink Ninja
Clan:
The Secret Mini Ninja Clan!
Specialty: Katana & Cosmetics
Quote: "Does this neon pink outfit make me look fat? It had better not. I've been working out at the gym a lot lately. Does it show?"
Codename: Green Ninja
Clan:
The Secret Mini Ninja Clan!
Specialty: Sai
Quote: "Look, I don't like any of these fools. If one of them should have an accidental death, please believe me when I say that I'm not responsible for it. Ok? Good."


Now that you know a little bit about the mini-ninja, allow me to share with you
the shocking footage of their invasion of I-Mockery.com Headquarters!


Orange Ninja: "Are you sure this is the right place?"
Green Ninja: "Didn't you catch a whiff of those god-awful odors?"
Pink Ninja: "Oh Gross! It smells like something died!"
Purple Ninja: "I think I'm gonna puke! It smells like stinky cabbage!"
Blue Ninja: "Yeah, this has GOT to be the I-Mockery.com hideout."
Green Ninja: "Ok, so where the hell do we go now?"
Orange Ninja: "How about that bright room over there?"
Blue Ninja: "It's a kitchen, Orange. But yes, perhaps the I-Mockery computer which we have come to destroy is located in there!"
Green Ninja: "Who the hell would keep their computer in a kitchen!?"
Blue Ninja: "Someone who wants to try to deceive us ninja! Let's go!"
Green Ninja: *sigh*

The Evil Banana Of Doom!

Blue Ninja: "No! Not the Evil Banana Of Doom! My fellow ninja, this very well may be the greatest foe we will ever battle. Prepare yourselves!"
Purple Ninja: "I wonder if this Banana has seen my contacts. Maybe it stole them! If it did, this banana will have to answer to my ninja knives!"
Pink Ninja: "I think the Banana is sexy. Do you think it's single? It's kind of phalic isn't it? Oh my, oh me, I think I'm having a hot flash! Ooooo!"
Orange Ninja: "Can I use my grappling hook yet? I never get to use my grappling hook! I want to grapple something! Please!! Let me grapple it!"
Green Ninja: "It's a fucking Banana for crissakes! What the hell is so evil about that? If you want to kill it, just eat the goddamned thing!"
Blue Ninja: "A fine idea! NINJA ATTACK!"

The Evil Banana of Doom has been defeated!

Green Ninja: "There! Now was that so hard?"
Pink Ninja: "Shouldn't we be really fat now? I mean we just ate something that was easily 10 times our combined weight."
Blue Ninja: "You forget that Ninja are known for their speed. Both physical speed and one hell of a speedy metabolism."
Green Ninja: "God, who writes this shit?"

Behold! The Japanese God of Hibachi Steaks!

Blue Ninja: "Look over here! It is the Japanese God of Hibachi Steaks!
Green Ninja: "No, it's just one of those stupid statue recreations that they serve alcoholic beverages in at Japanese Steak Houses, you blue idiot."
Purple Ninja: "Shut up Green! Blue is right! Oh great Hibachi God, I kneel before you! Share with us your wisdom!"
Hibachi God: "Ah yes, the Mini-Ninja. I've been expecting you. I foresee all!"
Green Ninja: "You've GOT to be shitting me."
Blue Ninja: "Ignore him. Please, Hibachi God, you must help us!"
Hibachi God: "Yes, yes, I know. You need directions."
Pink Ninja: "Yes! Oh God yes! Show us the way!"
Hibachi God: "Say, why is your outfit pink? Er, nevermind... ok, so about those directions. The strip club you seek is nowhere near here. You've got get back on I-95 and..."
Blue Ninja: "Um, sorry to interrupt you, oh great one, but we're actually looking for the computer that I-Mockery.com is run on. It is an evil bad mean site that makes many-a-good-person break down and cry. Can you help us?"
Hibachi God: "I-Mockery.com? Are you sure you don't want to go to the strip club?"
Orange Ninja: "Well actually..."
Green Ninja: "Shut the hell up Orange. Ok 'Hibachi God', give us the damned directions."
Hibachi God: "The place you seek is East. Go East. EAST. EEEEEEAST..."
Green Ninja: "That's it?? East? We could end up anywhere! Fuck, I could have gotten better directions from Mapquest!"
Hibachi God: ...
Blue Ninja: "Nice going Green. Now you've pissed off the Hibachi God and he's not speaking to us. Great. Ok Ninja, you heard the guy! We go EAST!"
Pink Ninja: "Weeeeeeeeeeee Heeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Ninja in the Bathroom!

Green Ninja: "Does anybody want to tell me how the hell we ended up in the bathroom?"
Orange Ninja: "Wait a minute, I was following YOU! I thought you knew which way East was!"
Purple Ninja: "I wasn't paying attention, I was looking for my contact lens."
Blue Ninja: "Focus ninja! Focus! The I-Mockery computer could be hidden in here! It might even be disguised as a toilet like that one there!"
Green Ninja: "Have you had your head examined lately? Do you realize just how idiotic the words that come from your mouth are?"
Orange Ninja: "Actually, it's ok that we're in here anyway. After eating that giant evil banana of doom, I should probably stick close to that toilet in case I need to relieve myself with great ninja speed!"
Pink Ninja: "I think it's a great idea to search the powder room, er, I mean the bathroom! Hey, I think I see a compact up there! Woo Hoo!"

Pink Ninja: "Oh my god! All this running around has made all my make-up run. And just look at how fat this outfit makes me look! Just look at those fat hips! You'd think the training by Raul at the gym would have helped me lose a few pounds after all this time. But no, I'm fat. I'm a fat, ugly slut! How could I let myself go like this?? How am I going to be able to..."
Orange Ninja: "HELLLLP!!!!!!!!!!"
Green Ninja: "Hey Barbie! When you're done slobbering over your pink ass up there, how about you get down here and give us a hand!"

HELLLP! I FELL IN!

Blue Ninja: "Oh no! Orange fell in!"
Green Ninja: "We've gotta save him! Actually, what the hell do I care? Why don't we just leave him and keep moving?"
Purple Ninja: "Ninja never leave one of their own behind!"
Green Ninja: "Yeah, yeah, how did he fall in anyway?"
Orange Ninja: "I was trying to see if I could grapple the toilet with my grappling hook and I fell in! HELLLLP!"
Green Ninja: "Why don't you just use the grappling hook to climb out then you stupid oaf! That's what it's for!"
Orange Ninja: "I've never used it before! I don't know how! HELLLLP!"
Pink Ninja: "Ok! So what do we do? WHAT DO WE DO???"
Blue Ninja: "Someone grab a toothbrush! We'll use it to get him out!"


OK HOLD ON JUST A SEC!!
"There's no way in hell I'm scooping out a Ninja toy with my own toothbrush
just for the sake of a web-humor piece. You can all kiss my ass." -RoG


How did Orange get out?

Green Ninja: "What the fuck? Orange! How did you get out of the toilet!??"
Orange Ninja: "Um, -RoG- just took another Orange Ninja figure and replaced me with it when nobody was looking. He flushed the other orange figure. Er, I mean... I JUMPED OUT! Yeah! That's it! Ninja jump high! Yeah!"
Blue Ninja: "Heh... works for me! Ok, let's get out of here ninja! We must find the I-Mockery computer soon! It must be destroyed!"
Green Ninja: "This story is getting worse and worse by the minute.
Purple Ninja: "Hey at least you didn't lose a contact lens, asshole!"
Pink Ninja: "Fellas, fellas! Stop fighting! We should learn to love each other!"
Green Ninja & Purple Ninja: "SHUT UP PINK!"
Blue Ninja: "Uh hello? Remember our mission? Let's move it, Ninja! NOW!"

Shhh! The evil man Mr. Mockery is sleeping!

Blue Ninja: "Holy Sharp Shurikens! It's the evil webmaster of I-Mockery.com, -RoG-! Don't make a sound! He's sleeping!"
Green Ninja: "Uhh, anybody want to explain to me just what in the HELL he is wearing on his head??"
Pink Ninja: "I was at a fashion show last week, I think it might be Versace."
Purple Ninja: "Those are the biggest contact lenses I've ever seen!!"
Orange Ninja: "No you idiots! Haven't you been to I-Mockery.com before? That's the infamous "Pickle Hat" along with his "Wacky Space Guy" goggles!
Blue Ninja: "Yep, Orange speaks the truth, my Ninja brethren. Let this freakish beast of an evil webmaster sleep, for now is our chance to strike his web site's computer while he's out cold!"
Green Ninja: "Whatever..."
Purple Ninja: "Hey! I think I found it! Look over there on the floor! That big evil looking black box! That must be the computer!"

THE EVIL I-MOCKERY COMPUTER OF EVIL BAD MEAN STUFF!

Green Ninja: "Jeez, look at the size of that thing!"
Blue Ninja: "A computer that size could hold a lot of evil. This must be the computer where I-Mockery.com lives! We must open it up and destroy it!"
Orange Ninja: "I dunno guys, this is kinda creepy. I mean it's dark down here. The computer itself is black. I have a bad, bad feeling about this.
Pink Ninja: "Don't worry Orange, I called 'Miss Cleo' the TV psychic lady on the phone just before we left on our mission. She said that the tarot cards told her that we'd be just fine."
Orange Ninja: "Whew! That's a load off my mind! Thanks Pink!"
Purple Ninja: "She predicted that I would find my contact lens someday."
Green Ninja: "Why am I not surprised that you imbeciles believe that shit?"
Blue Ninja: "True Mini-Ninja have no fear! Let us open the door to this evil computer and begin to dissect it, piece by piece!"

I'M SPOOOOOOOOOOOOKY!

Spooky: "INTRUDERS BEWARE! I AM 'SPOOKY', I-MOCKERY'S COMPUTER GUARDIAN SPOOKY THING! I WILL SCARE YOU WITH MY SPOOKINESS UNTIL YOU ARE SO SPOOKED OUT THAT YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SCREAM OUTLOUD IN SHEER TERROR! BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M SPOOKY. SPOOOOOOOOOKY!!!!"

Pink Ninja & Purple Ninja & Orange Ninja: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Green Ninja: "SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! You're gonna wake up -RoG-!"
Blue Ninja: "It's too late! Look!!!"

WHO GOES THERE!? MINI-NINJA!?

-RoG-: "WHO GOES THERE? RAAAAARRRR!!!!"
Blue Ninja:
"OH NO! WE'VE BEEN DISCOVERED! NINJA VANISH!"
Green Ninja: "SHIT! I CAN'T MOVE MY ARMS!"
Orange Ninja: "EEK! I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS!"
Purple Ninja: "DAMNIT! I STILL CAN'T FIND MY CONTACT LENS!"
Pink Ninja: "ARGH! I CAN'T MOVE MY PENIS!"
Blue Ninja: "IT'S THOSE DAMNED WACKY SPACE GOGGLES OF HIS! THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF 'WACKY SPACE POWER' OVER US! NONE OF US CAN MOVE! WE CAN'T EVEN KILL OURSELVES LIKE RESPECTABLE NINJA!
Green Ninja: "SHIT WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO TO US!?"
-RoG-: "SO, A BUNCH OF MINI-NINJA EH? WELL, I HAVE A SPECIAL WAY OF DEALING WITH MINI-NINJA THAT TRY TO ATTACK MY SITE!"

MMM! TASTY NINJA!

-RoG-: "I EAT THEM ON A NICE TOASTED BAGEL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"


So my friends, as you can see, I was lucky enough to catch this Mini-Ninja Death Squad before they did any damage to my site. And it's all thanks to my patented "Spooky Guardian Defense System"! Ha! It works like a charm every time! And in case you were wondering, Mini-Ninja make an excellent snack.

THE END.
-RoG-


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