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What Some of Your Favorite Supervillains Are Thankful For!
by: Protoclown

Last Thanksgiving we checked out what some of your favorite Superheroes are thankful for, so it was inevitable that we would eventually have to check out the Supervillain side of our Thanksgiving table. So in no particular order, here's what they had to say...



The Joker
"I'm thankful that even I'm not as fucking crazy as Frank Miller has become. Seriously. That guy scares me."

Dr. Doom
"Doom's sense of superiority and entitlement forbid him to be thankful for anything! Also, because it must be said: CURSE YOU RICHARDS!!!"

Magneto
"Yeah, I'm real fucking thankful that I'm the only respectable X-Men villain, and Marvel keeps taking away my powers or turning me into a baby or some shit. Yeah. Good times."

Lex Luthor
"Damn, look at me! I'm sassy! I suppose you could say I'm thankful for that."

Apocalypse
"Hrmm. I'd have to say jumbo belt buckles."

Iron Man
"I'm thankful I can get away murder and not only that, but get totally promoted for it! Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Don't mind if I do!

Also, I am not a skrull."


Two-Face
"I'm thankful for second helpings! What, did you honestly expect me to say something else?"

Venom
"I don't know what I'm thankful for, but the ladies are thankful for my super tongue, if ya know what I'm sayin'!"

Loki
"More than anything, I guess you could say I'm thankful for very tall doorways, really."

Ra's Al Ghul
"I'm thankful for the life after death granted to me by Jesus. Oh, and the way it looks like I have little swoopy wings on the side of my head. Wooooosh!"

Green Goblin
"I'm just glad I can carry a purse and still be considered manly. Wait, who's that laughing? WHO'S FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME??"

Darkseid
"I'm thankful that I don't look like a tremendous goober. What? I do? Oh. Well, fuck it, I guess I'm not thankful for anything then."

Poison Ivy
"I'm thankful that most of these villains are super-gay. I mean just look at these guys. Sure, I can't use my feminine super-wiles on them, but I also don't have to deal with them hitting on me all night."

Kingpin
"I'm also thankful for second helpings, and third helpings, and fourth helpings. It's because I'm a fatty."

Brainiac
"I just wish that people wouldn't use my name as an insult. Like when someone does something stupid and then it's like 'Nice going, Brainiac'. Cuz it really kind of hurts sometimes."

Kang the Conqueror
"I'm thankful for my super sexy sense of style that ensures all the ladies will never get enough of the Kangster. What? Poison Ivy's the only chick in attendance? Why the fuck did I even show up to this goddamned helmet party?"

Black Manta
"I'm thankful that my arch 'nemesis' is Aquaman. I mean, the other villains laugh, sure, but it's like I don't even have to lift a finger."

Bullseye
"I'm thankful that Daredevil takes me seriously, even though I dress like a goddamn clown."

Doctor Octopus
"I'm thankful that someone at Marvel decided to finally update my hair and get rid of that godawful embarrassing bowl cut. I mean, what am I, like eight years old?"

Bizarro
"Bizarro am not unthankful that all writers not can don't agree for not consensus on how Bizarro should not speak, so readers not can never understand no words he isn't saying!"

Mysterio
"I'm thankful that my goldfish died and left me this empty bowl, for without it, I would have never become the awesome supervillain you see before you!"

Sinestro
"I'm thankful for railroad tracks, so that I have something to kidnap girls and tie them to! Nyah!"

Dr. Light
"I'm thankful that I got turned from a third-rate joke of a Teen Titans villain to a dangerous rapist!"

The Riddler
"I'm just glad my normal outfit isn't as obscene as that skin-tight spandex Jim Carrey wore in that horrible movie. I mean, you don't really want to see that, and I don't really want to show it."

Red Skull
"I'm glad that Marvel is full of stupid ideas that allow me to get away with things like killing Captain America."

The Leader
"Why, ten gallon hats, of course!"

Galactus
"I'm thankful I wasn't really in that new Fantastic Four Silver Surfer movie. Did you see that shit? It was fucking awful!"

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

What Some of Your Favorite Superheroes Are Thankful For!
What Some of Your Favorite
Superheroes Are Thankful For!

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