Features

Toxic High School Trading Cards: A Criminally Overlooked Trading Card Set
by: -RoG-

Trading cards really seem to have taken a back seat these days, sure they're still out there and new sets are released all the time, but kids don't seem to be as feverish about them anymore. My guess is because there are far more distractions (hello Internet!) these days for kids to really care all that much about novelty trading card sets. Long gone are the days where we would run to the store the very first day that the new Garbage Pail Kids series came out. Oh how we looked forward to seeing all the new ways that the madmen at Topps would find to mutilate the Garbage Pail Kids in each set. I even looked forward to that stale piece of gum that came with trading cards. Most people hated that brittle piece o' gum, but I dunno, I always had a thing for it. Sadly, I don't think they even include gum with most if not all trading card sets anymore.

Yes, there are new reincarnations of Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids that you can find in most stores these days, but they're just not quite the same. You can tell that the creators just aren't having as much fun creating them and that's nothing like the labor of love that the old novelty cards of the 70's, 80's and 90's were. That's not to say that there's no merit to them at all, quite the contrary, but I prefer the originals. The art was better and they were simply a lot funnier.

Unfortunately, while the immense popularity of novelty card sets like Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids entertained the hell out of us kids back in the day, there were some other card sets that slipped under our radar. Of course, for every good trading card set, there were another 20 that were so bad and hilariously awful, it's amazing they were ever greenlit to begin with (Oh yes... I'm looking at you, Wacko-Saurs).

Today I would like to share with you one of the greatest sets to ever follow the Garbage Pail Kids. It's obviously no easy task to follow up such an incredibly popular trading card series, but I'll be damned if the Toxic High School sticker card set didn't do just that. Produced by Topps in 1991, Toxic High School was a set that I personally believe was way ahead of its time. The artwork was great and the sheer amount of work and details that went into creating each card is damned impressive as you will soon see. This set easily ranks right up there with my other favorite novelty set, Dinosaurs Attack!

Since so few people have ever even seen these, I decided to take on the task of scanning in the fronts and backs of all 64 cards in the set. Yes, it was a total pain in the ass (especially since I had to rotate each one individually in Photoshop to straighten them out properly), but much like the people who originally created this set, it was a labor of love. It's a criminally overlooked non-sports trading card sticker set that everybody should have the opportunity to see at least once, so I'm happy to provide you guys with it. I kept these scans as large as I could for the site, so keep in mind some of the text on the card backs is just too small to read, but you should be able to make out most of what's going on with each card.

I now present you with the fronts and backs of all 64 cards in the Toxic High School trading cards sticker set!

 
Card 1
(I challenge you to find a school symbol that you'd take more pride in than the Toxic High one.)

 
Card 2
(I'm not sure what's more distracting in this picture: the guy riddled with bullet holes who is
still somehow standing or the "Boogers Rules" note written on the book that's being torn apart)

 
Card 3
(Gotta love how "A Head Of Cabbage" was a former principal at Toxic High School.)

 
Card 4

(At my funeral, I want somebody to share their recollections of me just as Warren Cropsey did... "EGGS!")

 
Card 5

(So the one kid who had any potential for a future fell off the
Empire State Building when he slipped on a banana? That's a shame.)

 
Card 6

(So I guess they're trying to teach us is that, while Toxic High School is indeed a very dangerous place to be, there are just as many hazards out in the real world too? Furthermore, what's with the "awesome body parts" comment? Creepy.)

 
Card 7

(So let's see, we've got a baby, a beartrap, a skull, some dynomite, a shrunken voodoo head, a frothing doberman (which I don't understand how the hell it could even fit in there), a venomous snake and a tentacle among other things. It sure
looks like a lot of cash in that one mailbox, but you'd be taking a big risk if you were gonn actually try grabbing it. At least we learned an important lesson about how the mailman likes gin. I'll have to try leaving him some... maybe then he won't lose so many of my packages. Then again, perhaps the gin is what's caused him to lose so many of them in the first place.)

 
Card 8

(If you've gotta go, I suppose there could be worse things than dying in a locker with your make-out partner. Unless you're highly claustrophobic, in which case, that would be pretty goddamned awful. I should also point out that some of the contents in locker #4747 were "German War Medals". Yes indeed, Toxic High School... home to nazis! Well, nazis or not, at least they paid a nice little tribute to the Garbage Pail Kids by including some of them in the locker.)



Card 9

(Yet another homage to Garbage Pail Kids as you can see one stuck to the mirror.
It also looks like Warren Cropsey left some of his patented graffiti on the bathroom walls: "EGGS!")

 
Card 10

(Am I the only person who noticed there's a gorilla waiting in line for the test answers, and it's that same
gorilla who is holding the price list on the back of the card? I gotta say, I'd be first in line to buy that "Bela Lugosi
Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla" VHS tape. $25 bux for that is a steal. $1000 for a 14-month-old baby pony, not so much.)

 
Card 11

(I like how they said "And we don't mean the gum!" for the Bazooka Cream Pie, as if the imagery wasn't a big enough clue)

 
Card 12

(Warren, maybe you would've gotten the girl if you hadn't written "EGGS!" in your love note)



Card 13

(Eggs in his stomach? I'm shocked... SHOCKED to hear of this news!)

 
Card 14

(It's a fact - you should wash your hands with weasel blood. Thank you, Toxic High School!)

 
Card 15

(I like that one of the choices on the "Career Options" poster is shoveling elephant shit... it's good to have goals.
Also, if there's ever been a more perfect response to "How many jobs have you had?" than
"Wake me up for cake.", I'll be damned if I know what it is.)

 
Card 16

(Unless this is a school in the UK, it's actually the dog who's driving the bus, and when you consider
that, it's impressive that he was able to make it all the way to Toxic High School in one piece.)

 
Card 17

(I just want to know why there is an alligator eating a boombox in the library.)

 
Card 18

(Notice the tattoo on his arm? That's right Navy boys, this is the future you can look forward to for your years of service.)

 
Card 19

(Is it really necessary for them to vomit into those pots? Wouldn't the boric acid, arsenic and rat poison be enough?)

 
Card 20

(Why are the children on their best behavior when the English teacher is facing them,
but they appear to go apeshit in front of all other forms of scholarly authority?)



Card 21

(A giant mechanical babe is the dream of every shop teacher? And all along I thought it was to retire.)

 
Card 22

(Hey future parents, I'm sure the name "Uvula Moosnapper" hasn't been taken and it'd be a fine one for a boy or a girl!)

There are many more Toxic High School cards to see!
Click here to continue onward to page 2!

Reader Comments

Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:04 PM
I swear I would have cried if I ever found the principal bringing down the high school building with heavy duty machinery. As for the rest... I guess that having a "French" class would have made the schedule a lot more fun.
Forum Virgin
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:07 PM
ew...never like gross humor cards. I guess the fun is just lost on me.

On a side note, I was looking at my Netfix, and there's a Garbage Pail Kid's Movie?

what?
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:50 PM
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
SKATASTIC
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:39 PM
I love Shemp rules in card #9. I keep telling people Shemp from the 3 stooges is the best one. At least someone knows whats up.
Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:45 PM
Tayeloquin: I don't like all those gross humor cards either. I had to skip some of them as my eyeballs were paifully consumed by some nasty examples, but some were OK and quite hilarious. #21, for example, is completely modest in humor.
Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:49 PM
RoG: It actually looks like the dog in #16 is driving the bus, as the alleged driver is blind.
Almighty Samfucius
Apr 28th, 2008, 08:00 PM
Is it just me, or did the artists seem to have a strange affinity for brass knuckles?

I saw a good number of them, at least more than I would expect.
Last of the Time Lords
Apr 28th, 2008, 08:25 PM
I actually remember these! They will never dislodge GPK and Wacky Packages from their central place in my heart, but I loved them just the same.
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 29th, 2008, 01:08 AM
OMG! This is the best Trading card set ever!

It truly is a shame that these are overlooked as they even surpass such classics as GPK and Mar's Attacks in many areas.

It's also a fairly accurate portrayal of High School life.

BTW anybody else think this would make a great cartoon?
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 01:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
I don't know if it is the Friedman brothers or not. It does smack of them though.

Being a card collector most of my life (hockey generally) I've never seen these cards out. Wal-Mart usually has the collector cards all lumped together...I wouldn't have bought them though....
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 29th, 2008, 03:57 AM
The "grossness" doesn't impress me half as much as the dead-on satire of one's High-School years. IMO, The funniest cards were the ones like #15.
The Riddle Pimp
Apr 29th, 2008, 08:18 AM
EGGS!
lurking on the walls
Apr 29th, 2008, 09:53 AM
DUDE!!! i like these cards, i wish i had the collection, all i have are Garbage Pail Kids and the early 90's complete Wacky Packages collection
Retardedly Handsome
Apr 29th, 2008, 10:30 AM
According to card 13 the zip code for Toxictown puts them NJ...seems about right.
after enough bourbon ...
Apr 29th, 2008, 10:56 AM
An heroic effort, -Rog-, thanks. Eggs! (poached)
pickled
Apr 29th, 2008, 11:37 AM
These cards were too awesome for your scanner to handle.
Member
Apr 29th, 2008, 02:18 PM
Not only was a head of cabbage principal, it was principal for eight years.
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 03:44 PM
These are fucking incredible. Awesome.
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 05:30 PM
What's with the casual vomiting? You'd think they would have look of disgust or pain or SOMETHING on their face, but these people just projectile vomit like it's nothing.
Thrills and Oblongs
Apr 29th, 2008, 06:53 PM
And who one earth has that consistancy of vomit? Really, it's quite scary.

Thinking about it, considering the menu, it probably makes sense...
grants but one wish
Apr 30th, 2008, 09:00 AM
i must admit, those cafateria ladys do have that "just another day at work" look about them, hell, that looked better than whats on offer in our canteen
☆☆☆☆☆
May 5th, 2008, 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
Rog...?
Pickled Patriarch
May 6th, 2008, 01:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
Ok, I finally tracked down some information about the creators of the set:

"Editor: Mark Newgarden. Sr. Writers: Drew Friedman, John Mariano, Mark Newgarden. Character design and pencils: Drew Friedman. Painters: Tom Bunk, Pat Pigott, John Pound, Walter Velez, Xno. Additional writers: Jordon Bockhanis, Jay Lynch, Russ Reiley, Beth Pearson."

So yeah, it does look like at least one of the Friedman brothers worked on it Max. Good eye! John Pound, who is probably the most famous artist from the Garbage Pail Kids, also worked on it which might explain how there were several little nods to the GPK series in the Toxic High set.
☆☆☆☆☆
May 6th, 2008, 07:49 PM
I miss my Wacky Packy collection. I gave it to my little brother and he plastered them all over his school books. He feels bad to this day, but I flinched once when I saw his books and learned not to care about things you give to people.
Pickled Patriarch
May 6th, 2008, 08:02 PM
It's fine to put classic stickers like that on stuff... the only thing is, if you're going to stick 'em on something, make sure it's something you're not gonna get rid of after 6 months or so like school books. I suggest using them to improve the look of your computer, your musical instrument of choice, your furniture and even your body because you're likely to hold onto all of those things for a lot longer than your average school book.
☆☆☆☆☆
May 6th, 2008, 08:50 PM
If only I could travel back to 1980 something to tell him :/
Pickled Patriarch
May 7th, 2008, 02:23 AM
With the magical powers of eBay, you can!
GoldMember
May 12th, 2008, 06:11 PM
Huzzah!
MELTING WATCHES, GALA!
Jul 12th, 2008, 08:22 AM
UBER-FACT
On card 9 it clearly says "Manson teaches gym."

So Charles Manson was a gym teacher before he went batcrap insane? Makes sense to me.
Member
Feb 20th, 2009, 02:59 PM
Is there going to be a Grossville High minimock? Grossville High is like Toxic High combined with Garbage Pail Kids.
Member
Feb 20th, 2009, 03:17 PM
A lot of those numbers are either too many digits, or not enough, especially the Stallone number.
The Ugly Puckling
Feb 20th, 2009, 07:01 PM
Akktri is obsessing over awesome body parts.


GO ask Alice!
King of the Boomstick
Nov 15th, 2009, 06:15 PM
I HAD these!! But you forgot to post the class pictures at the end of the series.
sadomasochist
Oct 2nd, 2010, 08:10 AM
these are just awesome fuggin cards man!
Member
Oct 3rd, 2010, 02:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayeloquin View Post
ew...never like gross humor cards. I guess the fun is just lost on me.

On a side note, I was looking at my Netfix, and there's a Garbage Pail Kid's Movie?

what?
Not only is there a Garbage Pail Kids movie, it's a godawful movie!
Dead Fuck
Feb 7th, 2012, 02:04 AM
I just ordered a box For $11.49. From what I read it's a steal.

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