As of this moment, I take back anything negative that I have ever uttered
about anyone or anything in all of creation. All of my disgust and enmity
is now pointed squarely at this beast from the most deeply perverted
depths of electro-mechanical perversion:
MegaCrap 2: MegaFAG
grimly at the penis pointing at 'PRESS START', knowing full well that
nothing but pain and terror awaited beyond this threshold. Where
had been delightfully inane, MegaFAG was all business.
The business of saying 'fuck' and 'fag'
a whole lot.
Here we see the 8 fierce fuckers in question. No doubt, these lovingly
rendered character portraits speak volumes about the wonders that await.
Off I go, to save my mom from the evil Dr. Dyke. I noticed that the
enigmatic "Gaybos" from
MegaCrap are all but extinct, and I began to understand the nature
of their original mission. They didn't want to destroy my dick just for
the hell of it, they were trying to save the universe from it's corrupting
influence. :0 Here's a quick glimpse of this terrible future world.
Our hero, HO, wielding his mighty penis. In the years following the
failure of the noble Gaybos, it became disproportionately gigantic. Thus
MEGAFAG was born.
Instead of firing little turds or whatever, MegaFAG is armed with a cannon
that fires a fierce negatively-charged holographic representation of his
Because of the severe technological regression resulting from MegaFAG's
immense dark energies, the weapon of choice for the ambient population and
militias has become a crude device that launches multiple slow-moving
penile projectiles. It is also commonly utilized for turrets and strategic
Not even the native flora and fauna remained unscathed, as illustrated by
this glowing penis tree.
One of the last remaining vestiges of the Gaybo civilization, the
legendary Gaybo Homocombobulatrix still exists deep under the earth,
mindlessly creating soldiers to combat the long forgotten catastrophe of
my true enemies of the moment were Dr. Dyke's evil robots. As a startling
new twist, these robots now have bizarre meaningless stat ratings,
hometowns and titles of nobility:
BUTTFUCKMAN: MASTER OF SPEW, ICE JIZ ISLE
Buttfuckman's Santa hat makes him totally impervious to the cold on the
freezing tundra of Ice Jiz Isle. His ultimate attack, LOADSHOT, calls
forth a flurry of huge demonic snowflakes from the dark war-torn future of
a doomed world in the cryogenic dimension.
ERECTIONMAN: MASTER OF ERECTION, ASSPIPE ALCOVE
Long ago, when the ancient nomadic Indians of Asspipe Alcove recognized
the coming disaster, they created Erectionman to safeguard them from the
threat of outside invasion. His SILVSPEW technique is arguably the most
powerful token Indian attack ever conceived.
FAGBASHMAN: VOYEURIST, SHITTY CITY
Formerly "HALFHORSEHALFMANMAN", Fagbashman was a tournament level street
fighter in the ghettos of Shitty City. Though he has no particular
interest in Dr. Dyke's lofty ideals, his immeasurable hatred of "faggotry"
incites him to cooperate... for now. His ELECJIZ assault has the
frightening ability to stop time for a few moments while innumerable penii
erupt from from the walls. He is never seen without his amulet constructed
of SHIT T-PARTS, rumored have some connection with his mysterious past.
ORGASMMAN: MASTER OF PENIS, ORGASM CHASM
Hailing from the mystical Orgasm Chasm, Orgasmman is the mightiest samurai
warrior in all creation. Though revered by the peace loving inhabitants of
his homeland, Orgasmman must live as a recluse, as his power is so chaotic
that he kills everyone he meets. His ancient assault, SPEWTIP, launches a
crystallized shard of the ethereal realm that uncontrollably wavers
between realities. It is renowned for it's ability to kill swiftly and
silently, while never drawing blood from it's victims.
PUSSYMAN: YEAST INFECTED, BULLSHIT BAYOU
In antiquity, the plant people of Bullshit Bayou lived in harmony with
magnanimous Gaybos. Preparing for the possible failure of their holy
mission to destroy your Dick, the Gaybos created Pussyman to safeguard
their friends from corruption. Pussyman utilizes the PUSSY BARRIER to
deflect even the most powerful of destructive energies, and the BLACKCUM
ADAPTOR to project razor sharp flower petals at aggressors.
SHITMAN: MASTER OF SHIT, IRON TESTE TOWER
High atop Iron Teste Tower, Shitman has lived for countless millennia,
immune to the infestation that has plagued the tiny creatures on the world
below. Though peaceful by nature, when threatened he doesn't hesitate to
launch his CUMBOMB which... ug... this game is so vile. Someone kill me
SPERMMAN: MASTER OF SPERM, ANUS HILL
A mysterious warrior spawned in the arid wastes of Anus Hill. When his
parents were driven mad by the terrible influence of MegaFAG's Dick,
Spermman swore to one day strike vengeance against this omnipresent enemy.
His HOTJISM attack summons searing fire from the furthest reaches of
Hades, and his COW SPERM ADAPTOR, though never utilized in combat, is said
to be infused with the rabid souls of the undead.
VAGINAMAN: MASTER OF BATION, RAPE VALLEY RUN
Vaginaman is the last surviving member of an order of knights dedicated to
purity of essence. Shunning all penile technology, he utilizes archaic
weaponry to dispatch those that he considers to be foes of the natural
world. His VAGINA CANNON has the power to instantly level any man-made
structure, returning it to equilibrium.
Finally I encountered the mastermind, Dr. Dyke, piloting his insidious
ball and chain vehicle. The titanic battle mostly involved me standing
still in the corner and pressing the fire button whenever I got the urge.
Then all of a sudden...
OH MY GOD. IT WAS WILY ALL ALONG! :0 Or 'ASSPLUG', as he's known in the
Though brilliant, I somehow managed to overcome ASSPLUG's 'hopping back
and forth' strategy. The end was in sight. The game has concluded. Finally
I could get to work on wrenching this look of disgust that has been
engraved on my face for the duration of this experience. Oh wait... THE
Well that was pleasant. You know what? I'm never playing another videogame
again. In fact, I'm never talking to another person ever again, just
because there remains that 1 in a 100 billion chance that they might have
had some hand in this... the most hideous travesty in the history of
humanity. Luckily, there immediately followed a list which credited all of
those who were responsible:
TO BE MOLESTEDD...
You too can play MegaFAG!
[CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE
MEGAFAG ROM FOR THE NES!]
[CLICK HERE TO
DOWNLOAD THE NES EMULATOR]
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