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Hacked Rom Reviews!

Super KKK Bros. 2 (as if the first one wasn't bad enough)
-a rom hack of "Super Mario Bros. 2" for the NES-
review by: Dr. Boogie


I never understood Super Mario Brothers 2. Instead of doing his usual rescue the princess duties, Mario, his girlfriend, his illegitimate brother, and that little bastard who always told you that the princess was in the other castle all get together to save some dream world from a giant crocodile named Wart. Feeling that they could capitalize on this game, the KKK decided to make a follow-up to their wildly unsuccessful rom hack, Super KKK Brothers. That's right, kids, now it's up to Mario and his elite team of sheet heads to go out there and do whatever it takes to make you lose faith in humanity all over again.

DEE and AC2K weren't available for comment. They were busy crying about us pissing on their rebel flag.

Already, you can tell that this game is going to be a winner. This time, however, the authors have chosen to reveal themselves to all of their fans/hecklers/embarrassed parents. In other words, you have these two Harvard grads to thank for this confusing soup of hatred and poor drawings.

Poor princess got overlooked. :(

And here come the players now. With the exception of the princess, all of our heroes have been given Klan apparel to wear, with Mario being the grand wizard. I noticed that Luigi's robe was more of a Mother-of-Pearl color, whereas that little helper guy Toad has a white robe. I guess even when he's part of the "master race", Luigi will not only be playing second fiddle to Mario, but to Toad as well. That poor skinhead. Plus, Toad comes with a much larger head sheet than the other two, perhaps because he is compensating for something, like being a hateful bit character. I don't know why they didn't give the princess a robe, too. Maybe they gave her some nice swastika earrings instead.

Now, we come to the part that I know you've all been waiting for, especially if you had the misfortune of playing the first installment in the series: The actual gameplay. I wonder what sort of things they've changed from the first one. After all, they say a sequel is never quite as good as the original.

AIEEEEEEEEEEE! PAINT? UMMMMM... YEAH...

One of the more noticeable things in this hack is that while you normally pluck and hurl beets, turnips, and other vegetables at your foes, you now pluck and hurl things like babies and paint cans from the ground. Does the Klan actually believe that black children come from the earth itself? I'm a little behind on my KKK dogma, but still… As for the paint cans, I just don't know. Maybe members of the Klan bury their paint, and then pull it back out when they feel it has aged enough to be hurled.

As I mentioned earlier, the authors have decided to claim their work this time around. Not only have they claimed it, but they've done it in the same subtle fashion that many other mediocre rom hackers have done in the past.

DEE! AC2K!

These guys are class acts all the way. That's one thing that caught my attention: while you see their names prominently and explicitly displayed individually, you never see them together. I assume that one of them redid a few levels, and the other did the rest. It explains why the game is confusing and why the levels don't run together.

Ah, but what is a KKK Brothers game without the power-ups? Check these out:

power-ups my ass...

How delightful. Even the tiny Klan member and the noose from Super KKK Bros. part 1 are back. Oh, the memories. The only real differences are that you now pick up a large Klan emblem for health and that another emblem is used for the turtle shell instead of the old bucket of fried chicken.

Other quiet nods to the Klan appear in the form of the letter "K" stamped on dozens of things all over the landscape. It's even used in the place of keyholes on doors. This whole thing is really causing the Klan is beginning to lose some of its mystique.

Here, however, are the Klan's newest toys:

KLAN...KLAN...SUCKS...KLAN...KLAN... LAME!

No more old-fashioned "pow" block. Now, it's a block with scrolling "KKK" letters on it. Plus, bomb blasts now yield and excited "klan" instead of the usual "bomb". Both have great destructive power, just like how declaring your support of said organization will destroy a person's career and leave them completely ostracized from society. The authors have left no stone unturned and no shred of dignity intact. Let's just go on to the enemies.

That first one kinda looks like a duck, doesn't it?

That's right, those "black devils" are back, and this time they're trying to take over your dream world. You'd better take them out fast before they ruin your dreams of NASCAR and kissing cousins. Man, those are some great drawings. Come on, guys, what the hell were you thinking? The characters from the original game looked more realistic than these sorry sacks. Speaking of which, in case you really missed them, several of the original enemies show up in the game later, since minimum effort was put into continuity for this hack. Of all the new, awful enemies, this one is my favorite:

TAKE THIS, NAZI FUCKERS!

That's right, folks, it's the dreaded, rolling, Shyguy-navigated NAACP cannon! I was laughing the moment I saw this one. I was not aware that the NAACP has such weapons of mass destruction. Fortunately, this one only shoots unfilled balloons. In the real world, you won't be so lucky if you encounter a real NAACP roving cannon.

While we're on the subject of enemies from the game, why not take a look at the re-envisioned bosses of the game:

The NFL Still loves me. :(

You might remember a little character by the name of Mouser. In his place, you must now fight a sort of bomb-tossing football player. Frankly, I'm just confused. I guess the message is that there are a lot of black football players, but why express it like this? Also, you'd think a football player would be able to throw better than this guy. I've seen better moves on a white basketball player.

Hi. I took 5.6 seconds to draw.

What else can I say about his guy? It's a flying head with sunglasses and lipstick on. It's even got dreadlocks to drive home the point that this guy is black. Is this the sort of thing they talk about at Klan meetings? Boy, I guess you could say that this guy is a real FLAMER, eh?

I'm going to assume that you aren't amused in the least, so let's move on:

HERE! HAVE A BARREL ON THE HOUSE!

Hey look, it's Michael Clarke Duncan, only shorter and with googly eyes and bright red lips! Seriously, though, they've got a barrel-tossing guy here in place of a barrel-tossing crab. He even does a strange little dance in between throwing barrels at you. Wow, those Klan guys don't cut any corners!

OH NO! IT'S LOBSTER MAN! RUN!!!!!!!

Even deadlier than the muscular barrel-tosser is this character. He appears to be some sort of man/lobster hybrid that can shoot fireballs out of his claws. Looks like the so-called "inferior race" has finally perfected genetic manipulation. And here we are, wasting time cloning sheep and cats. Curse those dark-skinned people, and their superior skills in basketball and genetic engineering.

The best villain, however, has been saved for last. I give you the new Wart:

Paper or Plastic? Probably plastic so you nazi lovers can suffocate yourselves, right?

Yes, it's the most fearsome of them all: The Food Lion Clerk! I've never heard of Food Lion fitting in to the Klan's stereotypes of black people, but our authors apparently have. Just like the old Wart, he spits bubbles at you while you try to pelt him with things that are tossed to you from a series of pipes, just like in a real Food Lion.

With any luck, there won't be a Super KKK Brothers 3. I don't think I can handle the sight of the raccoon Mario as a nazi. That's just wrong.

EVERYBODY DAAAAAAAANCE!
Dr. Boogie



You too can play (the pathetically racist) Super KKK Bros. 2!

[CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE SUPER KKK BROS. 2 ROM FOR THE NES!]

[CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE NES EMULATOR]


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