I never understood Super Mario Brothers 2. Instead of doing his usual
rescue the princess duties, Mario, his girlfriend, his illegitimate
brother, and that little bastard who always told you that the princess was
in the other castle all get together to save some dream world from a giant
crocodile named Wart. Feeling that they could capitalize on this game, the
KKK decided to make a follow-up to their wildly unsuccessful rom hack,
Super KKK Brothers. That's right, kids, now it's up to Mario and his elite
team of sheet heads to go out there and do whatever it takes to make you
lose faith in humanity all over again.
can tell that this game is going to be a winner. This time, however, the
authors have chosen to reveal themselves to all of their
fans/hecklers/embarrassed parents. In other words, you have these two
Harvard grads to thank for this confusing soup of hatred and poor
come the players now. With the exception of the princess, all of our
heroes have been given Klan apparel to wear, with Mario being the grand
wizard. I noticed that Luigi's robe was more of a Mother-of-Pearl color,
whereas that little helper guy Toad has a white robe. I guess even when
he's part of the "master race", Luigi will not only be playing second
fiddle to Mario, but to Toad as well. That poor skinhead. Plus, Toad comes
with a much larger head sheet than the other two, perhaps because he is
compensating for something, like being a hateful bit character. I don't
know why they didn't give the princess a robe, too. Maybe they gave her
some nice swastika earrings instead.
Now, we come to the part that I know you've all been waiting for,
especially if you had the misfortune of playing the first installment in
the series: The actual gameplay. I wonder what sort of things they've
changed from the first one. After all, they say a sequel is never quite as
good as the original.
One of the
more noticeable things in this hack is that while you normally pluck and
hurl beets, turnips, and other vegetables at your foes, you now pluck and
hurl things like babies and paint cans from the ground. Does the Klan
actually believe that black children come from the earth itself? I'm a
little behind on my KKK dogma, but still… As for the paint cans, I just
don't know. Maybe members of the Klan bury their paint, and then pull it
back out when they feel it has aged enough to be hurled.
As I mentioned earlier, the authors have decided to claim their work this
time around. Not only have they claimed it, but they've done it in the
same subtle fashion that many other mediocre rom hackers have done in the
are class acts all the way. That's one thing that caught my attention:
while you see their names prominently and explicitly displayed
individually, you never see them together. I assume that one of them redid
a few levels, and the other did the rest. It explains why the game is
confusing and why the levels don't run together.
Ah, but what is a KKK Brothers game without the power-ups? Check these
delightful. Even the tiny Klan member and the noose from Super KKK Bros.
part 1 are back. Oh, the memories. The only real differences are that you
now pick up a large Klan emblem for health and that another emblem is used
for the turtle shell instead of the old bucket of fried chicken.
Other quiet nods to the Klan appear in the form of the letter "K" stamped
on dozens of things all over the landscape. It's even used in the place of
keyholes on doors. This whole thing is really causing the Klan is
beginning to lose some of its mystique.
Here, however, are the Klan's newest toys:
old-fashioned "pow" block. Now, it's a block with scrolling "KKK" letters
on it. Plus, bomb blasts now yield and excited "klan" instead of the usual
"bomb". Both have great destructive power, just like how declaring your
support of said organization will destroy a person's career and leave them
completely ostracized from society. The authors have left no stone
unturned and no shred of dignity intact. Let's just go on to the enemies.
right, those "black devils" are back, and this time they're trying to take
over your dream world. You'd better take them out fast before they ruin
your dreams of NASCAR and kissing cousins. Man, those are some great
drawings. Come on, guys, what the hell were you thinking? The characters
from the original game looked more realistic than these sorry sacks.
Speaking of which, in case you really missed them, several of the original
enemies show up in the game later, since minimum effort was put into
continuity for this hack. Of all the new, awful enemies, this one is my
right, folks, it's the dreaded, rolling, Shyguy-navigated NAACP cannon!
I was laughing the moment I saw this one. I was not aware that the NAACP
has such weapons of mass destruction. Fortunately, this one only shoots
unfilled balloons. In the real world, you won't be so lucky if you
encounter a real NAACP roving cannon.
While we're on the subject of enemies from the game, why not take a look
at the re-envisioned bosses of the game:
remember a little character by the name of Mouser. In his place, you must
now fight a sort of bomb-tossing football player. Frankly, I'm just
confused. I guess the message is that there are a lot of black football
players, but why express it like this? Also, you'd think a football player
would be able to throw better than this guy. I've seen better moves on a
white basketball player.
can I say about his guy? It's a flying head with sunglasses and lipstick
on. It's even got dreadlocks to drive home the point that this guy is
black. Is this the sort of thing they talk about at Klan meetings? Boy, I
guess you could say that this guy is a real FLAMER, eh?
I'm going to assume that you aren't amused in the least, so let's move on:
it's Michael Clarke Duncan, only shorter and with googly eyes and bright
red lips! Seriously, though, they've got a barrel-tossing guy here in
place of a barrel-tossing crab. He even does a strange little dance in
between throwing barrels at you. Wow, those Klan guys don't cut any
deadlier than the muscular barrel-tosser is this character. He appears to
be some sort of man/lobster hybrid that can shoot fireballs out of his
claws. Looks like the so-called "inferior race" has finally perfected
genetic manipulation. And here we are, wasting time cloning sheep and
cats. Curse those dark-skinned people, and their superior skills in
basketball and genetic engineering.
The best villain, however, has been saved for last. I give you the new
the most fearsome of them all: The Food Lion Clerk! I've never
heard of Food Lion fitting in to the Klan's stereotypes of black people,
but our authors apparently have. Just like the old Wart, he spits bubbles
at you while you try to pelt him with things that are tossed to you from a
series of pipes, just like in a real Food Lion.
With any luck, there won't be a Super KKK Brothers 3. I don't think I can
handle the sight of the raccoon Mario as a nazi. That's just wrong.
You too can play (the pathetically racist) Super KKK Bros. 2!
[CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE
SUPER KKK BROS. 2 ROM FOR THE NES!]
[CLICK HERE TO
DOWNLOAD THE NES EMULATOR]
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