What Is Scotland's Conquest Of The World!? 
Scotland is preparing its pipers for total annihilation of "the bastards". The Scottish Conquest Of The World is going to be the most important event to occur in the entire history of mankind. Most of you, pending you are not DEAD beforehand, will be witness to the awesome brute force of the Scots. They are going to rid the world of all the vermin who dare get in their bloody path. "We are the sons of perdition!" they will say, "And we are here to make the world a better place!" You might be wondering, "why have I never heard anything about THE SCOTTISH CONQUEST OF THE WORLD up until now?" Quite simply, that's just the way the Scots want most people to be. They want most people to think they are just sitting around in Scotland in their dirty bars singing sad songs about how horrible life is and how they wish they had more whiskey to go 'round. They want you to think they are in these bars fighting each other because one lad said, "you sir are a wanker!" If you think this: YOU ARE WRONG. DEAD WRONG. In the past few years Scotland has been seeping more and more into all of the world's cultures, and that's just the way they've planned it.
Many people say, "But I love the Scots! Look at Sean Connery
for example!" Ok, fine, let's look at Sean Connery. When was the
last time you saw him? In a James Bond movie most likely. But
have you paid any attention to his more recent films?
Particularly DRAGONHEART (known as DragonArse in Scotland). This
is the only film in which he reveals his TRUE identity. That's
right folks, Sean Connery is the worlds only Flying Scottish Fire-Breathing Dragon and he's 'a fightin' for the Scots! "That's
preposterous!" Oh is it? Then how do you explain the huge forest
fires or the church arson cases we've seen here? That's right,
Sean just takes a couple shots-a-whiskey and he's 'a huffin and
'a puffin flames out of every orifice on his body!  Seen any good movies lately? Maybe on your weary travels you took a rest in a theater that was playing the mega-hit TRAINSPOTTING. This drama/comedy about Scottish heroin addicts shocked the entire nation. You see, many of these angry Scots, which are now carrying out a global domination plan, are used to the WORST CONDITIONS that the human mind can imagine. Indeed, in this movie they bring most of these horrible conditions upon themselves, but do you really think they don't know what they're doing? ARE YOU THAT NAIVE!? They only torture themselves so that their mind and bodies will be totally callous to any form of "pain" that they may encounter on THE SCOTTISH CONQUEST OF THE WORLD. Not only are they undaunted when it comes to PAIN, but this film has succeeded in tricking the entire world into believing that Scots are just a bunch of lowlife heroin addicts! GENIUS! I will be discussing BRAVEHEART, but I feel that it deserves a totally separate section of its own because it truly captures some of the beauty of CLASSIC SCOTTISH VIOLENCE! You may have been fortunate enough to see some of the Saturday Night Live skits involving the Scottish Store. In this store their motto was "If it's not Scottish, IT'S CRAP!" A DAMNED FINE MOTTO! Not only did they have the Scottish store, but they also had the awesome duo known as the SCOTTISH SOCCER HOOLIGANS! These two Scots would give tips to all the lads 'n lassies out there who wanted to know how to be a TRUE Scottish Soccer Hooligan. Throwing darts at the opposing soccer teams fans, beating the living shite out of the players if they do poorly; these things are all in a days work for a Scottish Soccer Hooligan. "But that was just a comedy sketch! It's not real!" Oh it's not real is it? Do you REALLY think it was comedy? I agree, it was funny as a haggis on a stick to see the hooligans kick and beat the living shite out of the American Tennis Yuppie on some of their skits, but these two hooligans held the ENTIRE SNL cast hostage. They threatened to kill one of their stars, Mike Myers, if they didn't get to promote Scotland on national television. Getting a little nervous are ya? THERE'S MORE. Scotland has found its way into our education system. "Whatever, all I'm doing in school is learning tons of pointless mathematical problems that I will NEVER use in my life." Well, that is PARTLY true. Yes, you ARE learning (or HAVE learned) many things that you will NEVER use again, BUT, you will hear about Scotland from time to time. That's because many of the teachers are actually Trained Scotsman Soldiers undercover. They are well versed in all the languages of the world and when they speak, they don't even show a TRACE of a Scottish accent. Thus, they are constantly throwing in subliminal references to SCOTLAND in every branch of education! For example, I was converting some hexadecimal numbers into ASCII code for a Computer Science class here at The College of William & Mary. Upon completion of this little exercise I noticed that these hexadecimal numbers included a subliminal word in the sentence. "See Cats On The Loose And Nervous Dogs" At first I thought to myself, "That was a stupid exercise, the least the teacher could have done would to have given us a COOL secret message to uncover instead of a bunch of random words!" But after closer examination, I noticed that when I combined the first letter of each of the words, I had an entirely new word. This entirely new word was none other than SCOTLAND. That's right, they even know about computers! In fact, they guaranteed me that I would be spared since 1) I am Scottish and 2) I offered to put up this web site and refer to Scotland throughout its contents. "But how the hell would they be let into the school system?" SILLY LAD! They weren't "let" into the school system, they KICKED their way in! Now, remember when I said that the "Scottish Soccer Hooligan" and "Scottish Store" skits were real? Well I already proved this well enough, but just to emphasize how deep into our culture they have gotten, I will now inform you of something even MORE SHOCKING! After finding the secret word SCOTLAND within my computer science work, I knew that they were trying to not only get into the minds of those who were going to die, but they were also trying to subliminally contact their allies. I being one of them knew something BIG was starting when I read this. So I got in my car and drove down the road. During my driving I noticed a shop that I hadn't seen before. It was none other than SCOTLAND HOUSE, LTD. of Williamsburg, VA. That's right folks, a Scottish store. But the great thing is, much of it is a front to con the many tourists who visit Williamsburg into believing that the Scots aren't going to be doing anything to them. In this store you can purchase cd's of all the drinking songs you want, or even neighboring Ireland's infamous band: The Chieftains. (and if you listen to the Chieftains cd "The Black Veil" you will notice that they've acquired another soldier known to the world as STING. That's right, he's singing with the Irish here to help fool the world!) But enough about the Irish, many of them will be indeed joining the Scots in their world conquest, but alas, many of the Irish who do not wish to fight and eat potatoes instead will DIE! You can read literature on Scotland's history, you can find your family's clan symbol should you be LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE A SCOT, and you can even buy yourself a fine kilt! I recommend that ANY of you that are NOT SCOTS buy a kilt immediately. If the Scots see that you have yourself a kilt and wear it proudly, there is a chance that you will be spared and perhaps given the honor of JOINING THEM. The Scots even have a store in Bush Gardens, an amusement park that is visited from people all over the world! So as you can see the Scots have strategically placed members of their growing population all over the world! Just to make sure that I'm safe while driving, I recently purchased some Scotland stickers from Scotland House, Ltd. They read "Scotland Forever!", "Proud To Be Scottish!" and "It's Hard To Be Humble If You're Scottish!" These are all on my car to ensure that I will not be destroyed by the Rampaging Scottish Armies before I have my chance to join them in their bloody conquest! And if you do purchase something from this store, be sure that you read the bag in which your items are stored in. It reads "Scotland House, Ltd. The Bonniest Shop in America" INDEED. There's no denying it. The Scottish have it all in their favor. There are going to be MILLIONS of lives that will be terminated by these mad pipers. So why am I letting you in on all of this? Well, for one thing, I already said that they had me put up this web site because they know I'm a Scot and might be able to get word out to other fellow Scots. Plus, after reviewing the contents of my site, the leaders of "The Scottish Conquest Of The World" informed me that it was "alrighty" for Non-Scots to see this information. They figure that if you are SMART ENOUGH to be on this web site, then you might be smart enough to be saved during the GREAT TRIBULATION. "What's the GREAT TRIBULATION?" HEED! SHUT IT! DO NO' INTERRUPT ME AGAIN OR YOU WILL FALL DUE TO MY ANGRY FISTS CONTACTING YOUR UGLY FACE! I'll tell ya what the Great Tribulation is. It is the time at which all of the Scots around the world will carry out their MASS PURIFICATION plan. I wish I could let you know when this is going to happen, but only the leader of "The Scottish Conquest Of The World" knows that. And I don't even know who the leader is yet, but some of the lower ranking officials promised they'd let me know as soon as they find out any information so I will keep you posted. Anyway, if you are one of the people who the Scottish plan on killing; be you a spoiled yuppie braggart or a whiny punk clone or just a basic shitemonger, you can have my sympathies along with the cold steel of my sword splitting your head in two! If you are one of us, then please continue to refer to this site for there will be much more knowledge dispersed onto this web site so that you can prepare for THE SCOTTISH CONQUEST OF THE WORLD. So keep yer wits about ya and keep an eye on this site! For the Scots are coming, and this site may be the only think that comes between YOU and DEATH!
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