The
Greatest Scottish Hero!
"Wait a minute! Isn't that guy 'The Greatest AMERICAN Hero' or something!?"
A fine point lad; A fine point indeed! But you have made an error.
That guy WAS The Greatest AMERICAN Hero. Ever wonder why his show was cancelled?
It's simple, he saw the light on a visit to Scotland. That's right! Ralph Hinkley is now a citizen of Scotland
and fights for freedom, anger, violence, and Scotland's Conquest Of The World.
Did you really think it was his SUPER HERO SUIT that was always malfunctioning? Do you
really think he lost the instructions to it? GET REAL! He was just piss drunk all of the time!
This is what caused him so much trouble when he was flying. Now, however, after living in Scotland
for quite some time, he has developed a great tolerance for alcohol and he is even more of a threat
to the world! He has perfect control of his flying now! All the alcohol does is enrage him, and boy, can this lad
pack a punch! Actually, the last I heard was that he was seen flying over a city and puking on everybody in an
alcohol induced fury! What a character, eh!?
His FBI partner, Bill Maxwell, was killed in a "tragic" accident however. He wanted to be a part of the Scottish
Conquest Of The World, but the leaders of the group wanted to know what he had to offer.
The interview with his FBI partner Bill Maxwell went something like this:
-Please state your name lad.
"Bill Maxwell"
-Please state your occupation.
"I'm an FBI agent who helps Ralph Hinkley fight for justice!"
-Well now, do you honestly think he needs your help to do this?
"He's a clutz! Of course he needs my help!"
-He apparently doesn't feel the same way. In fact, we've already
trained him and he's doing quite well on his own. With this in mind,
what do you feel you can offer The Scottish Conquest Of The World?
"Well, I am a trained FBI agent"
-Yeah, but there a bunch of fairies anyway! Can you fly or something like
your friend?
"NO! Of course not!"
-Mr. Maxwell, you shouldna doubt yourself so easily! Here, let us help you learn to fly!
We're going to take you up to this 30 story building and throw ya
off of it. This will force you to fly, because if you don't, you will die!
"Are you guys crazy!?!?!?"
-AYE, WE'RE SCOTTISH!
"Believe it or not!", Mr. Maxwell was unable to fly and he made quite a huge splattered mess of himself
on the ground. He died quickly at least. Well, at least 1 out of the 2 could fly, and that one now fights
in the name of Scotland!
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