SCOTTISH JEDI KNIGHTS!
Yes it is true! Scotland now has Jedi
Knights fighting for glory! Ewan McGregor was once known for his fantastic role
in Trainspotting as "Renton" the drug addict. Aye, but the crazy lad
has gone through rehabilitation and now he has become a full fledged Jedi Knight
as "Obi-Wan Kenobi" in Star Wars! And what a Jedi he turned out to be!
He sliced that Darth Pansy in half with the rage of Scotland in his light sabre!
Aye!
And now he's decided to train everyone in Scotland (even Loch Ness!) the ways
of the Jedi Bastard! Well, to be honest Ewan has modified the rules of the Jedi
a little bit to suit his own purposes. Here is an excerpt from some of his
teachings:
Student: So what do I do if someone looks at me the wrong way?
Ewan: KILL THE BASTARD!
Student: Ok no problem. What if my mom tells me I can't practice my
Jedi skills until I am done mowing the lawn?
Ewan: KILL THE BASTARD!
Student: Alrighty. What if someone who lives 5 billion light years
away from me gets a pebble caught in his shoe?
Ewan: KILL THE BASTARD!
Student: What if someone eats a bagel?
Ewan: KILL THE BASTARD!
Student: You know, I think I'm gonna like being a Jedi!
Ewan: AYE!
And whaddaya know, it's that Liam bastard too! You remember him doncha? He
starred in Rob Roy; another fine Scottish tale! Who would have thought ol' Rob
Roy would have put down his sword in exchange for a light sabre? Well either
way, it's good to have him fighting for scotland!
THE THREAT IS REAL PEOPLE! SCOTLAND MIGHT CONQUER THE WHOLE GALAXY!
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