Just a quick note to offer 'kudos' on your decision to let your
daughter wear shorts with the word 'juicy' across the ass to her
recent science museum field trip. I don't know her exact age, but I'm
guessing ten or eleven? It's so hard to say with girls, so I just went
by the boys in her learning group, and ten or eleven is what they
As a museum employee, I'm often in the position to look at kids asses,
but for the most part I don't, and to be honest it's nothing I'd
really thought about that much until recently, hence this letter of
As I learned recently while researching an exhibit on communication,
it's really, really hard to ignore information. Next time you go to a
bar or restaurant that has TV's, watch your friends. Even though
you're having a conversation, their eyes keep straying toward the TV,
and so do yours! You can't help it, especially if they have the
subtitles enabled. The SAP feature or something, I don't know. Anyway,
it's a kind of funny and informative experience, so try it!
That's how I ended up looking at your kid's ass. I saw the word
'juicy', I read it, and only then did I realize that as your daughter
drank from the 'touch free' water fountain, (It's got a sensor, when
you block the light the water goes on. We've got signage explaining
how it works, it's kind of a water fountain/exhibit. It's neat!) I was
staring at her ass.
I think I can honestly say I have never stared at a ten year old
girl's ass before. The mix of feelings I experienced, a heady cocktail
of shame, embarrassment, rage, self loathing, a horror of my own
mortality, a gnawing suspicion that perhaps I was not completely
indisposed to enjoy the experience, that now, at long last having been
tricked into staring at a child's ass perhaps, god forgive me, I liked
it? That even though I was fairly certain that I was experiencing not
one iota of sexual impulse, perhaps, perhaps I doth protest too much?
And what the hell does 'juicy' mean anyway, in the context of your
So thanks, because I'm sure I could have gone to my grave never having
experienced really staring at a pre pubescent kid's ass.
P.S. If your daughter is a 'late bloomer', that is to say thirteen or
older, (in which case the word 'juicy' while still somewhat mystifying
is I'm sure entirely appropriate) I certainly apologize for the
sarcastic tone of this open letter.