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Insane Comic Book Covers:
Superman's Girlfriend - Lois Lane!

by: Pjalne

Alright, here we go. We've got another batch of kooky comic book covers for you today, and like the title suggests, this update is all about Lois Lane, Superman's psychopath girlfriend. And let me tell you, picking out which covers to feature was torture and a source of so much gnashing of teeth that -RoG- is gonna regret he ever offered us guys dental plans. But boy is he gonna be laughing while paying those bills.

Lois's feet MD

Not to be a bastard, but I doubt you'll get to that guy in time, Lois, no matter how educated your feet are. On average, Lois gained some sort of superpower twice a month, this being one of the more useless ones.

Superman's milkshake brings all the girls to the yard.

The story of how Lois met Superman is far from untold, and I'm pretty sure this isn't how it happened. And giving away kisses for charity is very noble, but surely there are better ways for Superman to do good than this. But then again, the Lois Lane comics were basically Archie with Betty and Victoria pulled out and replaced with Lois and Lana. And Archie himself... well, you get the idea.

Medium rare, darling?

Here's a good example. Throw in the guy with the crown (Jimmy would be a good substitute) and you've got an Archie comic right there. And I must say, that's an impressive steak Superman has scored. I don't know if the butcher has a secret stash for his superhero customers or if Supes personally yanked it out of a hippo, but damn that's some meat.

For science!

You know, about five years ago, Philips tried to market a turquoise plastic helmet with big pink antennas sticking out of it which could be programmed with your interests. Then, you would be able to walk around with it on your head to try to find someone, who was also wearing a helmet of course, with similar interests. If you passed that special someone on the street, the helmet would start making noises and flash, and you could simply go and have sex or get married right away, because how could the helmet possibly fail? This is absolutely positively true, by the way. So did Nostradamus himself write this issue and post it to DC Comics like Doc Brown did in Back to the Future Part II? You tell me... you tell me.

Hear this, thinking computer!

Lana has an even more impressive piece of machinery. I mean, being able to figure out what she wants it to with so little information? That's what I call a thinking computer!

What is this, Flat Earth Society?

That doesn't make any kind of sense.

The leopard pack obviously isn't too fussy when it comes to recruitment policies.

Well, some people shut off their cellphones to get away from the outside world, some people do drugs or bury themselves in work. But sometimes, the only thing that works is becoming the leader of a leopard pack.

Hizzle bazizzle nizzlebizzle

I'm sure you have your reasons, Lois. I know a lot of contemporary rappers would like that thing.

Lois Lane is the ex from hell.

Superman, just get out of there. Those hoes be crazy, as Black Lois would put it. No woman is worth that kind of trouble.

Better hide those slides better next time.

Not that Superman is much better. That guy is juggling more girls than Luke Perry ever did in 90210. Gotta wonder who took that picture, though. Did Superman just walk up to a guy with his camera and ask "Could you please take a picture of me and the lady in front of these fine buildings?"

Not robots!

Holy Christmas pudding! They're not robots! It's not a dream! You know what? I bet it's still a hoax.

Superman fucked a fish

What is it with Superman and girls with initials L.L.? And what's with the mermaid? There's actually a cover where Superman has children with her, which I guess makes Superman a furry. Well, maybe scaly. Skinny?

BAM, Lois. To the moon!

Sometimes, two people just aren't meant for each other. Maybe you should just see other people. With the initials L.L., of course.

Fuck both you bitches.

You can just picture Superman walking up that corridor, steaming with anger, not caring what's gonna happen.

That guy's a keeper, Lois.

You're such a chauvnist, Superman.

That's pretty elaborate.

They should've gotten out of that relationship long ago. Long long long ago.

The perfect crime! :o

Long long long ago.

Superman sonata!

The door swings both ways, though. Wow, I never knew Lex was such a rockin dude.

With special guest star Patrick Boone

And finally, another randomly crazy cover. Why is Pat Boone and Lois writing a song about Superman? Why must Superman use all his superpowers to prevent it from becoming a hit, even though it's a great tune? We'll never know, unless we go to eBay and use all our money on old comic books.

If you think we're done with Lois, you have to think again. There's a whole different category we haven't even started on yet, but you'll have to wait and see what it is. Before that, though, we've got big batch of other covers to show you. So don't change the chann... your bookmarks, I guess, because Superman will be back to rock your hats off!

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