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A Spicy Time in Seaport Village!
by: -RoG-

While I was in San Diego for the Comic-Con recently, I did take some time to explore the city a little bit. One of the nicest spots I came upon was Seaport Village. It's admittedly a bit touristy, but that doesn't change the fact that this cool marketplace on the bay-front is great to check out. Hell, it sure beats getting pounded in a back alley by a bunch of drunk Navy guys looking to let off a little steam. In Seaport Village you'll find a magic shop, a cowboy gear shop, a pewter sculpture shop, a tile shop, a crazy shirts shop, an indoor carousel, and more. All that stuff is fine and dandy but none of them compare to this place:

Hot Licks is a great little shop that specializes in spicy food additives. From hot sauces and mustards to fiery candies and seasonings, they've got pretty much everything that a person who hates their mouth could possibly desire. That's right, if you're a masochist looking for some good old fashioned oral torture, you've come to the right place.

Sure, when you walk in, the first thing you notice is the spicy decorations. Hot peppers adorn mugs, towels, and other various collectibles. These are the "safe" things that people buy as a gift for mom back at home. But let's be real... when you go into a place like this, there's only one thing you're looking for...


Hot Licks has more hot sauces than you can shake a stick at, and they all have varying levels of heat intensity. Even if you're not a fan of hot sauce, I challenge any of you to go into this shop and leave without buying at least one bottle. Why? Because the labels for these bottles of hot sauce are often hysterical.

To further illustrate my point, I took a bunch o' photos of my favorite hot sauce bottles in the Hot Licks shop. If you liked the firecracker labels I shared with you recently, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of these too. I swear I need to somehow find a way to get a career in designing labels for firecrackers, hot sauces, and any other types of products that proudly throw sanity and political correctness right out the door. Alright, now let's get on with the gallery:

"Dave's Gourmet Insanity" hot sauce, "Vicious Viper" hot sauce
"357 Mad Dog" hot sauce with a bullet attached to the bottle!

"Love Your Country, But Fear Your Government" hot sauce
"Bottled Up Anger" hot sauce

"Pure Arson" hot sauce and "Radioactive Iguana" hot sauce!

The mystery hot sauce stored within a Grenade!
"Sphincter Shrinker XXX" hot sauce

"Memphis Smokin' Heat" hot sauce, "Sonny Barger's Hellfire" hot sauce,
"Tahiti Joe's Kumawanakilya" hot sauce,
and "Kiss Your Ass Goodbye" hot sauce.

"Original Death" sauce and "Mega Death" sauce - both with attached skulls!

"Professor Phardtpounder's Colon Cleaner" hot sauce
"Pick This. The Sauce That is Arrogant. In Fact, it's the Snottiest."
hot sauce.

"Crazy Mother Pucker's" hot sauce, "Geck-Zilla XXX" hot sauce,
"Tequila Sunrise" hot sauce, and "Elvis' Burning Love" hot sauce.

"Smokin' Joe Jones' Blazin'" Mississippi barbeque sauce,
"Pappy's XXX White Lightnin" barbeque sauce,
"Pappy's Moonshine Madness" barbeque sauce,
"Fighting Cock" barbeque sauce.

"Hog's Ass" barbeque sauce,
"Dinosaur Wango Tango" barbeque sauce.

Great stuff eh? That's just a small sample of what they've got. And it gets even better. They also carry some sauces that are so hot that they keep it inside a locked glass case! Check it out:

"Black Mamba," "Da Bomb" and other extreme heat products.

That's right, these products could bring Kong to his knees. They're so hot that they make you sign a waiver that releases Hot Licks from any liability... you know, in case you get drunk one night and mistake a bottle of "Black Mamba" for a Dr. Pepper or something. Think it's just for show? Nope, they really do make you sign a release form. The store clerk was nice enough to take it out for me to get a snapshot:

[click to view the full-size release form]

So there ya have it... a tour of one o' the hottest little establishments on the West Coast. Hot Licks have a web site too, so if you're ever in the area of one of their three shops, be sure to check 'em out if for no other reason than to get some good laughs at all the hot sauce labels.

Oh and they do let you try any of the hot sauces that they have in the shop for free. Sure, you might think that this would cost them money in the long run since most people will try a few varieties on each visit. Still, they're making a profit because I guarantee that you'll end up purchasing at least one bottle of the only other product that they keep a hearty supply of in stock:


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