Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!


Urban Champion: The true origin of "Fight Club".
by: McClain

Urban Champion... the origin of Fight Club?Chuck Palahniuk found inspiration for his book Fight Club after playing this original NES game. Honestly folks, this is the beginning of Fight Club. Running around and cooperatively beating the tar out of your opponent until you knock them backward in to the sewer? Sounds like Chuck's a thief!

Now let's discuss the first rule of Urban Champion; YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT URBAN CHAMPION! If you do, you have to whisper or communicate in some cryptic fashion like by spelling out messages in the dirt with urine or by using AIM on your sisters computer.

flamp00: d00d! Wanna' fight tonight by the snack bar?
pnkdud2004: I cant my mom is making tuna casserole
flamp00: U SuX0rZ!!!

such a waste of a good pot...
The second rule of Urban Champion is that bystanders are permitted to drop potted plants on you while you're fighting. This will make your teeth chatter. It will also help your opponent beat your ass without having to touch you. Unfortunately you cannot throw it or climb up and pummel the asswipe who thought it'd be a good day to throw foliage out the window.

The third rule of Urban Champion is that when police drive by, brawlers assume opposite corners and whistle as if nothing is going on. Albeit a ton of fun, you can still get arrested for this public brawling shit.

mmmmm good.
Your offense is executed with hits to the face or the stomach. Your defense is limited to running away. This is Nintendo's way of teaching children that if you're gonna' get your ass kicked, you might as well run. BUT DON'T RUN TOWARD THE SEWER! This game takes "button mashing" to the extreme as you jockey for neighborhood domination within the 5-city-block setting! And when you land a punch, it feels good!

The art in this game is feckin' awesome. Look at all the colors! I mean, that looks LIKE A REAL CITY STREET! OMG! Plus, if you're going to be cracking skulls, you gotta' look good doing it. In this game you get some dope threads, bitch tits!

After you thump your opponent in to a manhole, some bitch (probably the same one who threw a plant on your head) decides to shower you with confetti. This is the only scene not used in the movie Fight Club. But they should have used it in the scene where Edward Norton is ruthlessly thrashing the pretty boy. CONFETTI! BLOOD! YAY!

the box art alone is well worth the measly $1.99
I bought this game for $1.99 from GameStop and I love it. Of course I had to fight someone for it. But I won. He's probably face down in a Tijuana gutter with a condom hanging out of his ass. I don't know what that means and it's pretty graphic, but let's just say I have the game and he doesn't.

Whoopin' Ass

You just got lucky mofo.
Download the 5 radical screenshots from Urban Champion.

You just got luckier... mofo.
Click the face to download the Urban Champion game!

note: you'll need to download an emulator
such as Nester in order to play it)

click here to go back to more shorts

Support our sponsors!

[Minimocks] [Articles] [Games] [Mockeries] [Shorts] [Comics] [Blog] [Info] [Forum] [Advertise] [Home]

Copyright © 1999-2007 I-Mockery.com : All Rights Reserved : (E-mail)
No portion of I-Mockery may be reprinted in any form without prior consent
We reserve the right to swallow your soul... and spit out the chewy parts.