Weeklies

Game: "Slalom"
System: Nintendo Entertainment System
Genre: Sports
Published by: Other

Reviewer: -RoG-
Posted: 11/30/2009

Review: I've always enjoyed skiing video games ever since I was a kid. Granted, that's probably because I was into skiing in real life as well. Out of all the skiing video games I ever played, there is one that sticks out in my mind more than any other: Slalom.

And just why does this game stick out in my mind so strongly? Because, it's the only skiing game in which the lead character moons you the entire time as he bombs down the ski slopes. Just look at it! One can't help but think this was done on purpose. Your player simply bends over and all you can do is stare at those icy buttocks as they send shivers up your spine.

As far as classic skiing games go, it has a nice mock 3d effect along the lines of Pole Position, and you can rack up additional points by pulling off a trick jump here 'n there. Like most games of this nature, the object is to make it to the finish line as quickly as possible. Of course, there are obstacles such as moguls, trees, snowmen, other skiers, and even sledders who can easily slow you down if you collide with them.

But again, the biggest obstacle in the game is the one staring you in the face on every single slope: YOUR PLAYER'S ASS. If you can manage to focus your eyes on something else and make it down all those mountains in one piece, well then you're a better gamer than I. I guess Slalom is just too bootylicious for me.

Overall rating: WholeWholeHalf
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Nov 30th, 2009, 06:42 AM
Why did they make it pink, and why does it have so much detail?
That damn kid
Nov 30th, 2009, 06:44 AM
Guuuuh. I've seen that sprite many times but now I know where it comes from.
Riot Control
Nov 30th, 2009, 11:52 AM
Winter ass skiing course of doom!
lurking on the walls
Dec 1st, 2009, 08:32 AM
There's another winter olympic game on either the NES or SNES with the same problem on the bobsled stage
Member
Dec 2nd, 2009, 11:05 PM
Gotta love 8bit graphics...I saw the thumbnail on the main page and went "Is that a skier or a turkey?"
Bringer of awesomeness
Dec 4th, 2009, 04:23 PM
Stupid sexy Flanders!!!
pickled
Dec 5th, 2009, 12:54 AM
Just go to your happy place.
Turrican't. :(
Dec 8th, 2009, 01:26 PM
inb4 Goatse photoshop.
Turrican't. :(
Dec 8th, 2009, 01:30 PM
Saturnknight: US Gold's Winter Olympic Games (Lilehammer '94) for the SNES. I own the actual cart,me and my brother used to play it all the time, and we called the bobsled stage "butt hotdog". We were weird.

Playing it again, the game is mediocre-terrible, but the soundtrack is kind of awesome.