Weeklies

Game: "Demolition Man"
System: Sega Genesis
Genre: Action
Published by: Acclaim

Reviewer: Dr. Boogie
Posted: 4/2/2008

Review: I've been a little hard on video games based off of movies in the past because of... well, because they're terrible, especially modern ones that have a much longer development time, which results in larger and more significant corners being cut. So take a trip back when games were simpler, and you didn't have to worry about trivial things like whether or not the characters actually looked like the celebrities portraying them. Take a look at Demolition Man.

As a movie, Demolition Man was a treat. It offered a entertaining view of the future where the entire population is so completely and utterly cowed that sex itself is accomplished through Virtual Reality, and Dennis Leary is the only dissenting voice. Also, as we've covered on the site before, people wiped their asses with seashells. I think there was a plot about Sylvester Stallone trying to catch Wesley Snipes.

Anyway, the game itself is actually kind of fun. The bulk of gameplay is a 2D platformer where John Spartan runs through a level with his gun a'blazing, shooting up the bad guys without shedding any actual blood, and taking breaks from the action now and then to ride a zip line and bungee jump. To keep things interesting, the game also throws in a few isometric, Smash TV style levels where you shoot even more criminals and rescue the milquetoast citizens of the future.

Stallone and Snipes are both depicted in 16-bit likenesses at the start screen, but it's a little harder to make them out in game, especially with Stallone's caveman-like features. To help out with that, the game uses a number of voice clips from the movie itself, which actually sound pretty good, all things considered. They did have to get Stallone to record a slightly faster version of his catchphrase, "send a maniac to catch one," but how can you leave out a great line like that?

The problem is that the difficulty is a little uneven. The Demolition Man can take quite a few bullets, but surprisingly few explosions. More importantly, though, the platforming segments have you making a lot of impossibly long jump, and the game has some very strict limitations on how far you can fall, and only a few extra lives with which to make up for sudden losses of health and trial-and-error jumping segments.

Even so, I like the game. It's nice and simple, and making it into the later levels requires only some effort combined with a little memorization of some of the more BS-ish areas that will drain your extra lives but quick. I just hope I won't look that bad if they ever decide to use my likeness in a game.

Overall rating: WholeWholeWhole
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

40 pound box of rape?
Apr 2nd, 2008, 09:27 AM
I used to play the SNES version. I loved the 2D levels, they were great fun. The isometric ones drove me crazy, and as a result there are quite a few broken controllers somewhere in my closet
Pickled Patriarch
Apr 2nd, 2008, 03:20 PM
There really should've been a bonus mini-game hidden in there somewhere that allowed you to cuss out the verbal morality code machine so you could get yourself some TP instead of having to use the three seashells. If they had done that, this game would deserve no less than a 5 pickles rating.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go grab myself some lunch. I know a place nearby that makes the best ratburgers in town.
OH GOD
Apr 2nd, 2008, 05:17 PM
you mean taco bell
Funky Dynamite
Apr 2nd, 2008, 05:26 PM
Yeah, if you're a sissy surface dweller.
pickled
Apr 4th, 2008, 04:20 PM
Needs more nude chicks calling wrong numbers.