Artist: "Rob Zombie"
Album: "Educated Horses"
Genre: Alternative Rock
Label: Geffen

Reviewer: Protoclown
Posted: 10/21/2008

Review: If you've liked Rob Zombie's previous solo releases, then Educated Horses starts off promising enough. And then Rob starts singing. I've noticed that throughout his career, Mr. Zombie has slowly gravitated from singing in the deep growl of the White Zombie days to a more nasally, high-pitched whine that is most pronounced on this new release. I should have known when I heard the title of the album that this would not live up to his previous efforts. "Educated Horses"? What the fuck does that even mean? It's not even funny or clever--it's just kind of stupid.

The music, while not nearly as disappointing as the vocals, doesn't live up to his previous work either. It's too repetetive (yes, I just called a Rob Zombie album "too repetetive"), and lighter than you'd expect for anything involving Rob Zombie. Songs like "Foxy Foxy" sound more like they belong on a Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne album than the latest Zombie release. The musical style of "17 Year Locust" seems a little more at home on a Zombie record--too bad it's so fucking annoying. Unfortunately I can say that about several songs on the album--instead of writing the same kind of catchy tunes he's known for, he just seems to be trying to annoy his audience with grating repetition.

The brightest musical spot on the album unfortunately happens to be one of the short instrumental filler tracks called "100 Ways". Well, unfortunately for Mr. Zombie, I can think of about 100 ways that this album could have been better, and one of them would have been to expand that little piece and turn it into a proper song. "Let it All Bleed Out" sounds a little more like his older material, where the music is decent enough and he harkens back somewhat to his trademark growl of old, but at that point it's just too little too late. "Death of it All" sounds like something you'd be more likely to hear at a Ren Faire being performed by a band of douchebags wearing jester hats than on a Rob Zombie album.

I'm certainly not the biggest Rob Zombie fan in the world, but I've enjoyed his post-White Zombie work well enough. Sure, it's not particularly deep and it's not exactly going to change your life, but he's written some catchy tunes that are just fun even if they're light on substance. But it's pretty obvious to me from the first minute of "American Witch" that Rob was just phoning this one in. It's not a terrible album or anything--it's just disappointing after his previous two. I've ripped his other solo albums to my iPod, but I feel like this one doesn't deserve to take up the small amount of space it would require. Maybe when I get a bigger iPod.

Overall rating: WholeWhole
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Oct 22nd, 2008, 05:27 AM
Gotta say I fully agree. I was suspicious when I got the uncensored version at Wal-Mart...when has Rob released an album that DIDN'T need censored for the masses? Than...well, each track, bar Let It All Bleed Out (which I enjoyed) was a trip down depression lane, as it was made apparent that Robs movie-making career had taken center stage and this album was just a sideshow.
What Video Games?
Oct 22nd, 2008, 09:59 AM
The cover was obvious enough that he probably spent all the money on making the album towards finally going to a hairdresser and getting rid of those mangy dreadlocks.

And fuck Rob Zombie. There's a WHITE ZOMBIE box set coming out! Review that!
skank pronger
Oct 22nd, 2008, 12:35 PM
In the liner notes to Zombie Live, there's a list of other Rob Zombie albums available. There's one album mysteriously missing from the list. Can you guess which one?
poop turtle
Oct 22nd, 2008, 12:35 PM
hellbilly delux was cool but had a bit of filler and after the remix album of said album i just kinda packed up my rob zombie toys and found christ.
Oct 22nd, 2008, 08:05 PM
Terrible album.
Hitler's Canoe!
Oct 22nd, 2008, 08:28 PM
I actually don't hate this CD. It's certainly a departure from previous work but has some catchy tunes and is suitably up-beat to provide good background noise for my morning walk to university.
Forum Virgin
Oct 23rd, 2008, 02:27 AM
I don't get how you can start the review by criticising the title of all things. You said the entire merit of the album could have been predicted by a two-word title, which doesn't really make much sense; just sounds like you're bitter about the album not living up to your expectations. And we don't really get much of an idea of what this album is actually like besides his voice being whiny and songs being "annoying", or "bad". I haven't heard this album, but I don't really feel swayed one way or the other about it, I just feel like I've read a four-paragraph rant rather than a review
Oct 23rd, 2008, 10:09 AM
A lame title does make for a lame album.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Oct 23rd, 2008, 04:21 PM
A lame title does make for a lame album.
I do not know if that is always true. Sometimes some of the greatest albums have the stupidest titles attached. For instance “Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band” seems like an absolutely horrid title for an album, but is considered one of the Beatles’ greatest.

Still I get you point. If Fiona Apple’s “When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right.” gives any indication of what is epected, it may be best to stay away.
Forum Virgin
Oct 26th, 2008, 11:00 AM
I find it funny that anyone would bother to criticize anything by Rob Zombie as "not making sense". Half the stuff that guy has ever put on an album seriously approaches zero on the making sense scale.

Sure, a lot of the stuff on that album is repetitive, and it certainly is different from the earlier albums, but I personally dislike it more when someone makes several albums full of the same old stuff without any change. Therefore, I was half-delighted with this, as I was afraid that he'd just crank out a rehash of the two previous ones.
Fookin' up planets!
Oct 27th, 2008, 01:09 PM
Rob Zombie Movies (Except Halloween remake) Awesome.
Rob Zombie albums 50/50... I always felt Rob Zombie was a Trent Reznor with horror film injected.
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Oct 28th, 2008, 11:12 AM
If it aint WHITE Zombie it aint worth your time.