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"Join PETA. Travel To Exotic Places And Meet Beautiful People."

Ear Biting? Are these music shows or Mike Tyson fights? What the hell is going on in the music world? For crissakes! The poor bastard can't even hold onto the mic without someone yanking it away. Leave the bands alone people! Damnit!

Hemorrhoids Are A Bitch.

Whoah Duuude! I'm like a surfer and I got stoned off my ass on the beach man! Whoahhh... now I'm all sun burned and stuff. Wait a minute, how'd I get here man? Last thing I remember was havin' a little 'toke and I just woke up here on this stage. Duuude! This is soooo gnarly! I feel like I'm flying! Duuude!!!!

Ever wonder why you never see the faces of most Metal musicians? It's because as soon as they put their head down the first time, they can't bring it back up. Why? Because their hair gets caught in the strings. So they generally play the entire show with their heads down. This is how head-banging came about. They would shake their heads up and down trying to get their hair untangled from the guitar strings, but it never works. Maybe some hairspray could solve the problem.

"Has anybody seen my left arm? Anyone?"
I'm not quite sure how the hell it happened. Must have been a crazy show!

Our portly fellow here decided it took too much energy to stand up and sing his woos and woes. "I'd better sit down and sing, I'm famished!" Look, if yer gonna be a lead singer at least have the energy to standup and sing. Christ, look at that John Popper guy from Blues Traveler. He's not exactly a shining example of what Richard Simmons can do for you, but he stands up while he sings and plays the hell out of that bastard harmonica of his. Stand up or take up the clarinet.

(thanks to "XnendeX" xnendex@mail.dma.be for some of the pics on this page!)

Go For The Gold And

Onto the next page of hate!