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Title: Super Mario Kart
Author:Nintendo
Rom Player: Snes9x
Reviewer: Humerus Mortus
Synopsis: Nintendo is known for making the best, most entertaining video games ever. This game, Super Mario Kart, does not fall short of that. We all love Mario (Editor’s note: I hate Mario), and all of us have played Mario Sunshine, I’m sure, but along the way there have been side games, like Super Smash Brothers, and Mario RPG. Well, this is the first one on Super Nintendo, I think (please don’t flame my ass if I’m wrong, I really don’t wanna do research to make this review). Anyway, from the moment I played this game, I knew it was gonna be a classic.
This is probably the best Mario Kart ever. I think it’s better than 64 or the Gameboy Advance one, just because it’s a little more simple and so much funnier and, of course, challenging. In this game, the AI, if you wanna call it that, is a dick. A dick in the ass. When playing in GP mode, after the first race, whichever computer opponent did the best will be the one that is "supposed" to get first place. By “supposed to,” I mean the computer will do anything but teleport him in order to make him win. So, in order to get first, you have to use every weapon you get strategically, and if you make one mistake in the 150cc mode, you’re done. This is what makes the game challenging.
This is just a basic racing game, except with Mario characters, and weapons. The weapons include, but are not limited to, red shell (homing missile), green shell (straight missile), banana peel (mine device - can also be thrown), ghost (weapon stealer), star (invincibility shield and speed boost), and mushroom (one time turbo). There might be more, but isn’t this enough?
The greatest feeling ever is to just blitz some unsuspecting bastard like Koopa Troopa with a green shell and knock him off the side of the stage. Try it sometime; it lowers blood pressure.
Now, some people might think this game could get monotonous. Those people are generally males with lisps who enjoy placing large, blunt objects into their respective anuses. This game has a bunch of stages, and each one comes from a Nintendo game (except for one, I think) (Editor’s note #2: All the levels are from Mario games). The stages get pretty damn hard toward the end, and you can fall off of them, which causes a loss of a couple of seconds. Falling in holes can cause an increase in blood pressure - try jamming a shell in Yoshi’s green ass in order to relieve it.
As if this weren’t enough, there is also a battle mode, in which 2 people get to drive around a square track and beat the hell out of each other with weapons. First to 3 hits wins.
The gameplay is simplistic, yet super fun. B to accelerate, L and R to jump, and y to brake (if you ever need it). The simplicity results in easy gameplay that is difficult to master.
Graphics are what you’d expect from Nintendo - bright, cheerful, and pretty good.
Music is also what you’d expect from Nintendo. Simple and repetitive, so you will definitely get these tunes stuck in your head.
This game has originality hanging out the ass. Who else but Nintendo could bring racing, beating the crap out of each other, and Mario into one awesome package.
So, to wrap it up, this game is great. No matter what your style is, you’ll be sure to enjoy this classic.
Best Cheats: Push B during the 2nd and 3rd lights for a speed boost. Difference between first and fifth in 150cc.
Hold down y and a on the char select screen to race small. The ultimate challenge.
There are many shortcuts- try to find them all. You need to use feathers to jump for most of these.
Game Play: 10
Graphics: 8
Music/Sound: 8
Originality: 10
Overall Rating: 9
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