Ah yes, one of the
many things I love about Halloween is all the crazy candies that
come out. The designs on the package are so much more colorful and
evil, it just makes you want to buy the stuff without
thinking twice about how cheap they'll be come November. That was
certainly the case with the two candies we'll be taking a look at
today. First off, we have "Blood Balls".
This might be the most
insane package design I've seen so far this year. One look into
those psychotic eyes and you know that this neon yellow skeleton
means business. Hell, after staring into his eyes for a few minutes
I was convinced that these weren't bubble gum balls, but
mini-spheroids of death containing real human blood. So yeah, it's only natural
that I had to buy them.
Each piece of gum
comes individually wrapped, and of course mister "I'm a psycho
yellow skeleton who will harvest your worthless soul" is on each
wrapper. The packaging warned me: "BLOOD BALLS
ARE MEGA SOUR GUM BALLS FILLED WITH A SUPER SOUR MOUTH COLORING
POWDER THAT WILL MAKE YOUR SKIN CRAWL AND YOUR FRIENDS SCREAM!"
I make my friends scream all the time, so that was no big deal, but
all the other claims it was making definitely perked my interest.
I cut open one of the
gumballs to see this alleged "super sour mouth coloring powder" for myself.
Perhaps it was because they had been sitting in a warehouse for far
too long, but the powder was more like wet sand. Nonetheless, it was
bright red wet sand begging to be devoured. Figuring that these things
wouldn't be all too sour, I popped one into my mouth all
MEGA SOUR BLAST!
My eyes became
completely dilated as the urge to let my saliva gush out of my mouth
like a river grew ever stronger. Holy shit were these things sour!
Saying they're "MEGA SOUR" doesn't even do them justice. These things become LIQUID
DEMON JUICE when you eat 'em. That yellow skeleton on the
package? Yeah, that's pretty much how I looked after eating just
After wiping away the
sourblast-induced tears, I went over to the mirror to see if that
miniscule gumball from hell had changed the color of my tongue.
Indeed it had! My tongue was bright red, which was quite impressive
considering it was such a small gumball to begin with. Tongue
color changing rating: A+
The next item on my
candy list was "Dead Heads" by Charms. Skull shaped lollipops
that also claimed to turn your tongue red. Could they compare with
the Blood Balls? Let's see...
So far so good. The
package design is right on the money. When it comes to Halloween
candy, you just can't go wrong with skeletons. Actually, for any
kind of product, you really can't go wrong with skeletons. Remember
all those sites that died when the dot-com bubble burst? I bet you
they'd still be here today if they had just plopped a few skeletons
onto their pages.
Ah, now that's what
I'm talking about! While the Blood Balls might be able to take down
a moose with their evil sour blitzes, these Dead Heads lollipops
definitely look much cooler. Skulls covered in blood...
that you can EAT! My friends, this is what dreams are made
Maybe I still had some
sour juices from the Blood Balls on my tongue, but either way, one
lick to this lollipop made it look absurdly disgusting. I mean, this
thing literally looked like those bad guys from "Indiana Jones and
the Raiders of the Lost Ark" when their faces all melted off at the
end. Of course, that just made me want to lick it some more.
After a few more
licks, it resembled some kind of a twisted skeletal mud monster. The
flavor wasn't anything special, pretty much the same as your average
Charms Blow-Pop. But the looks of these things alone goes a long
way. Now for the final test... would it dye my tongue better than
the blood balls?
Sadly, the answer is
no. For a candy that is twice the size and requires you to lick
it for quite some time, this thing just barely changed the color of
my tongue. And the color wasnt' even red, it was more of a light
orange. Damn, Dead Heads, how could you let me down in the end?
Tongue color changing rating: C-
I suppose now would be
an appropriate time for us to all start praying for a quick,
SUGGEST THIS TO A FRIEND!