RoG! My main man! How's it goin? What do you mean you don't recognize me? It's me... GRIMSDYKE! Ok, granted I've been living in your attic for about 3 years now and my nutrition has consisted of nothing but eating those old scratch-n-sniff stickers that you collected as a kid and have since stored away. The point is, I'm a big fan with a little heart! No, a little fan with a big heart! No, a little heart with a big fan!

RoG! RoG! RoG! We have so many things to catch up on! You've been working so hard this Halloween season. I mean really, who in their right mind does TWO months of Halloween coverage!? You gotta kick back man! Enjoy the season for what it is! Screw all those people reading your web site, they're only really here because they have a futile hope that you'll turn this into the internet's largest free porn citadel.

Oh come on, don't get all sad on me. It's not that they don't want you to write all that funny stuff that you do, it's that they don't know how to read. This conversation you and I are having right now? They can't read it. They don't know what in the good god of bitchcakes we're talking about. For all they know, I'm not even real and I'm just a puppet you're holding in your hand because your friends at Fright Catalog sent me to you this Halloween so that you could help promote their crap. But you and I know better, RoG! Yes we do!

Hello? Helloooooooooooooo? There's gotta be a smile in there somewhere! Did anybody ever tell you that you have beautiful teeth RoG? It's like somebody ripped out all your real teeth, took a pack of Trident gum and put all the pieces in your mouth. Do your teeth taste like gum? Do your gums taste like gum, RoG? Do they?

Still moping eh? Tell ya what... how about we break out the good ol' skull funnel and have us a drinking game! Whaddaya say RoG?

That's the spirit RoG, I knew you had it in ya! Alright! This high-five ain't no jive! Say RoG, have you ever done a single day of hard labor in your life? Look at your hands compared to mine! Yours are soft as pillows and mine look like they gave Death himself a year-long colonoscopy! Now I really need a drink, where's that funnel?

Now that's what I'm talkin about! I'm ready to chug! I GOT TO CHUUUUUUUG!!! But wait, where's the vodka? That's right, I want you pouring vodka in that thing, not beer! Beer is for the children in nurseries who cry all day long because mommy and daddy left them there until they can learn to take a punch. I can take a punch AND a kick from my mommy and daddy and then some!

Now let that big bad skull funnel flow with the finest vodka that your lack of money can steal!

Oh sweet vodka, you're about to go on a fantastical journey through a funnel wonderland which will land you in the dead center of gulletville! Slide on down and show Grimsdyke how you love him!

This is the life I tells ya! Say, how can I possibly be talking while I'm drinking vodka from a skull funnel? Oh the wonders of the internet never cease to amaze me!

*hic* This guy! *hic* This guy right here! *hic* Thissss is the guy! Ha ha! *hic*

I love you.

What is this, silk? Corduroy? Lace? Noooo, I've got it! This is Chamomile! *hic* Niiice! Tell you what bro... I'm gonna go check out your toy collection now! *hic*

No Waaaaaaaay! You *hic* you got an original Prince Adam figure *hic* from the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe? Do you know how much I loved that toy?? DO YOU!?!?

I swear to god man, when I was a young lad, all I did was pray to the jesus at night "Please mister Jesus! Please bring me a Prince Adam figure!" I realized that he wasn't the toughest guy out of the lot. I knew that he even got picked on by the likes of Teela or Zodac *hic* the cosmic enforcer, but he had something that none of them had. He had heart! And the day I finally got him, I showed him just how much I admired him!

That's right, I *hic* admired him over and over all day until I wore the purple paint off of his lower half! And now that I see he's gotten himself a fresh coat of paint, it's time to admire him all over again!

Suddenly I'm not feeling so hot. That was watered-down beer I drank before right? Who put this toilet here and why is it begging me to expunge my liquid soul into its welcoming arms? This is the last time I ever leave the sanctity of RoG's attic...

Happy Halloween.

-Grimsdyke

Big thanks to Fright Catalog for supplying us with
a bunch of great Halloween material to review this year!
We'll be featuring more of their crazy items this season, and they've got an awesome Halloween supplies site, so please check it out and support 'em - FrightCatalog.com!