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Miscellaneous Halloween Goodies!

While searching for the latest Halloween items, I often come across some random things that couldn't make for a a full article but still deserve to be written about. Rather than let such things go to waste, here's a handful of some miscellaneous Halloween goodies that I didn't want to slide under anybody's radar.

The Deluxe Edition
Replica Freddy Glove!

Plastic schmastic... it's time for the real thing!

Now here's something that I always wanted when I was a kid... a REAL Freddy glove. I still have that old plastic Freddy glove (pictured on the right) and while it was a lotta fun back in the day, it still just didn't feel evil enough when my finger blades bent as I tried to kill my sister's Little Mermaid plush toy. If I had this new Deluxe Edition Replica Glove, that Little Mermaid plush toy would be "under the sea" alright... six feet under.

Want me to scratch that itch for ya?

While the finger blades are real metal, they're not sharpened at all so you won't slice yourself up. That's not to say you should pick the wax out of your ears with it though. This thing is easily the closest you'll get to a real Freddy glove without buying a custom made one. The only drawbacks I can see with it is that it wouldn't work well for people with smaller hands, especially since it doesn't have the drawstring on it that the old plastic one had. Other than that though, this is definitely something all Freddy fans should have in their collection.

Morbid Mutant Food Masks!

How many people do you know that want dress up as "food" for Halloween? No, you don't know Weird Al Yankovich, so he doesn't count. Well, the folks at Morbid Industries are counting on our gluttonous desires to want to be a variety of of cuisines.

You know what they say about a guy with a Big Weenie for a head, right?

Up first is Big Weenie. This hot dog mask would probably work better for someone with a smaller head. Either that or they just need to cut the eye holes a bit lower. Still, it didn't feel like it was secured on my head at all.

I AM FILLED WITH WONDER!

Next is Pophead. Now this was is easily my favorite of the bunch. It's totally comfortable, looks absolutely ridiculous, and most importantly; when I wear it, it reminds me of "Rudy" from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

SHAZAAAM!

And finally, we have Breakface.. Now this is the only one of the food masks that doesn't cover your entire head. I don't know why it doesn't either since they could've easily added in some flapjacks, bagels, cereal and other items to cover the rest of your head. Still, it's not the most comfortable mask and the eye holes could probably use some enlarging.

So that does it for the food masks. If you want one of 'em, go with Pophead... he won't let you down.

Horrified B-Movie Victims!

Why didn't they make this 20 years ago?

Now here's a set of action figures that's looooooong overdue! The horrified B-movie victims are consist of those typical characters who have minor roles in a movie (ie: they're the ones who get killed while the stars of the movie get away unscathed.) What's great about these figures, is you can have them looking horrified by anything you want. Here's some examples of mine...

MUMM-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
HORRIFIED BY MUMM-RA!

We come in peace. Well, we come to blow you to pieces actually.
HORRIFIED BY THE SKELETON TROOPS!

and my personal favorite...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HORRIFIED BY THE CANDY APPLE!

I could spend hours taking photos of making these b-movie victims looking horrified of completely non-horrific things. Make 'em run away from a shampoo bottle. Make 'em scream in horror at the site of your stamp collection. Make 'em beg for mercy from the mystery food in your fridge with the fungus growing on it. The options are endless, so do yourself a favor and pick up a set.

Terror Ties!

What a deal!

I found these at the big Halloween Club store on close-out. Normally, I wouldn't be caught dead (no pun intended) wearing these "Terror Ties", but for 99 cents a pop, I figured it was worth buying them just to see how bad they looked. Aside from the fact that they're made of paper, these ties look worse than clip-ons. There's no way of even hiding them under your collar and if you tie the string too tight, the top of the ties will actually jab into your throat. And when you've got an Adam's apple like mine that sticks out as if an alien was trying to burst from within it, it's definitely gonna get some annoying paper cuts from these ties. Ok, so on with the actual ties. I even dressed up for the occasion and put on some glasses so I look extra smart and business-like.

Looks like spiders. Spiders are eating you.
What's eating you?
Hahahahaha!

That bat is puking up blood!
Your haunt or mine?
ROFL! Oh lordy oh my oh me!

I don't know who this mummy is. Guess he was forgotten after all
Gone but not forgotten.
Ok, that one just depressed me. :(

I did manage to find one other random non-brand Halloween tie in that same Halloween shop...

A light-up tie means you don't have to wear reflective clothing when going for walks at night!

It was a rubbery Halloween tie with a stack o' pumpkins on it. The cool thing is that the top pumpkin has eyes that flash when you press a button on the back of the tie. It also plays a silly little spooky sound that you've probably heard on a ton of other cheap Halloween novelties.

Oddly enough, the place that I found a real Halloween tie was at the grocery store.

A TRUE CLASS ACT!

Yep, for only 3 bux you too can have yourself a pumpkin pattern tie and then you'll get all the ladies. Because if there's one thing in life that always stands true, it's that ladies? They love men who have impeccable taste for the most sophisticated forms of attire. Things like an Armani tuxedo, a fitted button-up shirt, and a pumpkin tie. Trust me.

-RoG-
 


Want your own Deluxe Freddy Glove?
Want your own crazy food masks?
No problemo! Check these guys out:


FrightCatalog.com - Halloween Costumes, Props, and more!
Big thanks to Fright Catalog for supplying us with
a bunch of great Halloween material to review this year!
We'll be featuring more of their crazy items this season, and they've got an awesome Halloween supplies site, so please check it out and support 'em - FrightCatalog.com!

 


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU FOUND SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #11!
COLLECT ALL 12 FOR A SURPRISE!

You found Scary-Ass Trading Card #11!
i-mockery.com/halloween/cards06/gentlemen-card11.jpg
*copy this URL down, you'll need it once you've found all 12 cards!*

Can't even shout, can't even cry
The Gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors,
They need to take seven and they might take yours.
Can't call to mom, can't say a word,
You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard.

Who doesn't love Buffy the Vampire Slayer? But even diehard fans admit, it was really action adventure in a horror setting, and not very often actually frightening. The exception in spades was a weird little episode called "Hush".

The Gentlemen silence voices. It makes it so much easier to do what they do, which is harvest human hearts.

Find all 12 "Scary-Ass Trading Cards" this October (2006) and you'll not only get a special 13th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the month of October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file whenever you find them.

Once you have collected the URLs of all 12 cards, simply email them to webmaster@i-mockery.com with the subject line "I-Mockery's Scary-Assed Trading Cards!" and you will have the special 13th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more! You must send in your emails by November 5th, 2006 to qualify!

Do NOT email the actual card graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of the 12 cards which you can find directly underneath them.


If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


How To Ruin A Perfectly Good
Halloween Cookie House!



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