items... what is it that is so fascinating about a lifeless object
that slowly grows in water over the course of a few days? Frankly,
I'll be damned if I know, I just like skeletons, so when I saw this
item in my local Halloween shop, I had to pick it up and give it a
I have to say,
compared to the packaging of most water-growing toys, the packaging
on this thing is pretty nice. Only problem is, there's a few glaring
mistakes. First off, the thing is called "Skeleton Head". A
fine name for a toy indeed, but this thing is clearly not just a
head, it's a full skeleton. Or maybe that's his name, Mr. Skeleton
Head or... Mr. Head? It's possible, but I think it's more likely
that they just reused some old packaging from a product that
actually was a head and nothing more.
And there's your
proof. As soon as you remove the lil' skeleton guy from the package
you're treated to a video of a giant skeleton head. Sure there's a
skeleton standing next to it, but the focal point is obviously on
that giant friggin' head. Even that snake to the left is looking at
it as if to say, "That's a giant friggin head!" Thanks for
backing me up mr snake.
My favorite part of
the packaging has to be the tagline though, it's the kind of stuff
you'd find on Engrish...
"the AMAZING GROWS
OVER 600% LARGER IN WATER" The amazing what!? The amazing
skeleton? the amazing head? The amazing cardboard packaging? The
amazing bulge in my pants? What in the name of halloween hell is so
Welp, if you flip the
packaging over to the back, it looks as if they're being stubborn
and sticking to their guns, still calling him Skeleton Head. As you
can see in the illustrations, the entire body, and not just the head
grows to a very large size. So where the hell they got that giant
head from on the package cover is beyond me.
Ok, now listen... I'm
not claiming to be a brilliant mathematician here or anything, but I
think I've got a decent grasp of the basics. Please read the
"IT WILL GROW ON
ITS OWN WITHIN SEVERAL HOURS (ABOUT 48 HOURS) UP TO ITS FULL GROWING
Ok, since when do
several hours = 48 hours? I don't know about you guys, but I never
refer to "2 days" as "several hours". I'm sure it's just poor
structure on their part and they were trying to say that it takes
roughly 48 hours for it to reach full size, but come on... that's
With all of these
errors in mind, I wasn't about the believe anything they were
saying. So, I decided to measure the skeleton before putting him in
water. I want physical proof that it's gonna grow 600% larger after
being in water for several hours... er... I mean two days damnit.
So into the big water
jug Skeleton Head went, ready to go through the stages of skeletal
puberty. Day 1 was fairly uneventful, though towards the end of the
night I did notice he had grown a little bit.
Alright, now we're
talkin! Notice that his feet are floating up? Maybe his head is
gonna get huge and that's why it's weighted down on the bottom? Well
either way, he's definitely grown a significant amount, but he's not
at the 600% mark yet. He's still got a ways to go. Come on Skeleton
Head! You can doo eeet!!!
Damn! Somebody was
eating his spinach and drinking his milk! You're a big boy now
aren't you Skeleton Head! Well, you'd better hope you are, cuz your
time's up and it's time to measure you. Don't let me down Skeleton
Head, prove to me that the poor kid in Taiwan who made you, while
being born into slavery and whipped on a daily basis just so he'll
produce more Skeleton Heads, still has quality standards that he
wants to live up to.
GAH! Not nearly tall
enough. He's was just under 3" when he started out, and now he's
just over 8". Granted, he weighs a lot more, but 600% more? Nope.
He's not even 600% more in overall volume. You let me down Skeleton Head... you let us all down. Now, if you
don't mind, get the hell back into that water jug of yours until
you're ready to come out at 600%.
For the record, I
would like to state that picking Skeleton Head up out of the water
jug is what I imagine the feeling of picking up your own crap out of
the toilet would feel like. Not a pleasant experience by any stretch
of the imagination.
And somewhere... a
young boy in Taiwan is laughing his ass off.