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Bus Nut - The Educational School Bus Safety Film!
by: -RoG-

I'm sure many of you recall learning about Ol' #23, an educational film that showed us why it's so important to take care of our precious school buses... and why you shouldn't ever screw with a nerdy kid who can paint the Mona Lisa. Today I'd like to take a look at another film from 1980 which will provide you with the knowledge of how to act, and how not to act, around a school bus. Prepare yourselves for... Bus Nut!

Meet Bobbi. Bobbi is a young girl who is completely infatuated with school buses which you'll quickly find out as she narrates most of the film in her head. When they grow up, some kids want to be doctors, some want to be the president and some want to be astronauts. Not Bobbi, though... she's set a lofty goal for herself to become a bus driver! The first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is sit at the table, pushing her model school bus toy back and forth, dreaming of the day, many years from now, when she too will be able to drive a bus.

You know, perhaps I didn't quite explain just how much this kid is truly obsessed with school buses. Not only does Bobbi dream about becoming a bus driver, she actually made herself a t-shirt that says "BUS NUT" in big bold letters on it. Naturally, the shirt is yellow, just like a bus. I don't know what kind of childhood trauma causes a kid to become so plagued with thoughts of school buses to the extent that she'll wear a shirt which reads "BUS NUT", but I'm pretty sure her parents and/or bus driver should be arrested. One of them must be guilty of something.

So once she's dressed in her favorite "BUS NUT" shirt, Bobbi heads to the kitchen where her mother and father chuckle about their insane daughter. Notice the mom is wearing a yellow dress too? I think we've found the source of the school bus influence in Bobbi's life. Hell, there are even yellow bananas on the table. See what kind of subliminal mind games Bobbi's parents are playing with her? Bobbi's brother picks up one of her books to see what it's about, and sure enough, it has a school bus on the cover. Jesus, where are the child protective services when you need 'em? Somebody help this kid!

Mom reminds Bobbi to finish up her breakfast or she'll miss her bus. Bobbi laughs it off in one of those "are you fucking kidding me... do you know who you're talking to here!?" ways and proudly proclaims, "I NEVER miss the bus!" Of course you don't Bobbi. If you did, mommy and daddy would paint you yellow and make you stand in the corner while reciting your vast knowledge of school bus emergency exit procedures.

Her mother dresses her in the one coat that could possibly distract people from the fact that she's wearing a "BUS NUT" shirt. We're talking about a huge feathery leather coat that has no place being on a kid, complete with big matching boots. This kid no longer belongs on a school bus, she belongs on a runway of one o' those European fashion shows where the models are all wearing clothes that you know you'll never see anybody in the real world actually walk around in. It's the kind of jacket that only an insanely overprotective mother would dress her child in... kinda like in A Christmas Story. It's not even remotely snowy outside and she's dressed like an eskimo, so you know it's like a friggin' sauna inside that jacket for Bobbi. Well, at least she can still put her arms down while wearing it.

So Bobbi and the other kids all meet up at their pre-designated bus stop when all of a sudden one girl points and says, "Hey, here comes Crazy Billy!" You know a kid is bad news when his name is preceded with "crazy" any time somebody refers to them. So what makes Crazy Billy so darned cah-ray-zay? He's constantly late for the bus, but this morning he drops his books in the middle of the street while he's running towards the stop. Instead of looking both ways while in the middle of the street, he just goes right ahead and takes his time picking up his books. CRAZY indeed! Naturally, this sets off the Bus Nut's internal alarms.

Bobbi puts on her best acting face to show just how horrified she is by Crazy Billy's complete disregard for his own personal safety. Oh but there's more!

She then vigorously shakes her head from left to right to let him know that she does NOT approve of his behavior. I'm honestly surprised she didn't tear her flesh off to reveal some inner-alien, hell bent on making children obey the rules of bus stop behavior. You got lucky today Crazy Billy, but one of these days your crazy actions are gonna cost you. Oh yes, they'll cost you dearly!

When Crazy Billy finally makes his way to the bus stop, one of the girls (Amy) walks up to him and says "Boy Billy, that sure was dumb!" with a big smile on her face. Once again, he proves just how crazy he is by grabbing her bag and tossing it into the middle of the street. Billy... you so crazy! Amy, however, proves to be a hypocrite because she runs out into the road and grabs her bag without looking either and the other kids tell her that now she's being dumb. Nobody even says anything to Crazy Billy about what he did. I don't know how she did it, but Bus Nut managed to contain her rage during all of this. Perhaps she'll kill him in his sleep during nap time? One can only hope...

And then the moment we've all been waiting for, well, ok... the moment Bus Nut's been waiting for has finally arrived in the form of a big yellow school bus. Bus Nut is the first one in line to make sure she has her choice of seats - the front seat, naturally. But, she takes her time walking up the stairs inside the bus to make sure she doesn't get hurt. "I sure wish all the kids were as careful as you are when they get on the bus!" says Mrs. Harris, the bus driver. This moment will forever be remembered in Bobbi's life. You've got to understand that, to her, getting a compliment from a bus driver is better than winning the lottery. That compliment will be swimming around in her head for a long time to come...

The other kids won't be receiving any praise from Mrs. Harris, however, because they're all shoving and bumping into each other as they board the bus. That's just not how a Bus Nut should behave! Bobbi remembers the bruise she received after Crazy Billy pushed her from behind one time along with other people who've been hurt. "Amy should remember too, she got hurt once and it bled!" Boy, these kids sure are excited to get on that bus at ANY cost!

I gotta say, I think I feel sorry for Mrs. Harris. Not only is she a bus driver, which means she'll have to endure all kinds of abuse from the misbehaving kids she drives to school each week, but she also has to deal with Bobbi. I can't imagine dealing with the pressure of driving a bus filled with kids knowing that a psychopath is sitting directly behind you... staring at you in the mirror... waiting for you to glance at her so she can then smile back because you have just validated her existence. And if you don't glance? I wouldn't put it past our little Bus Nut to slit your throat, Mrs. Harris. Crazy Billy may do some crazy things for attention, but that's nothing compared to the Bus Nut's inner demons that she struggles to keep at bay.

In addition to her rearview mirror staring contest skills, Bus Nut also has a knack for realizing when one of the other kids is missing. "Hey, where's Joey?" One of the other kids notices Joey running as fast as he can to catch the bus. Then they all start screaming at him to watch out because there's a car coming. Joey doesn't even bother to look, he just runs in front of the bus and he's lucky as hell that the driver slammed on his breaks. Mrs. Harris scolds him immediately, "Joey Adams! You could've been killed! Never ever run in front of the bus without checking the road first. The cars are supposed to stop, but sometimes they don't." Such a damning speech makes Joey's heart nearly stop as he is overcome with guilt for the crime against school bus safety protocol he has just committed.

And with that, Joey has been disgraced. Never will the Bus Nut speak to him again, for he has brought shame upon his family name. If he were an honorable child, he would kill himself, but we all know he won't... that coward. So, I guess the Bus Nut will have to take him out later on once she's through tearing Crazy Billy limb from limb.

After witnessing Mrs. Harris lecture Joey on school bus safety, Bobbi knows that it's her destiny to become a bus driving Bus Nut. Before she rides off into the sunset, the Bus Nut leaves us with these words of wisdom:

"Mrs. Harris has a hard job! She has to drive this big bus and she has to look out for us too! I sure hope I can be a good driver like Mrs. Harris some day..."

And just like that, the Bus Nut vanishes from our lives forever as her cheese-yellow chariot takes her away. But remember... just because you can't see her, doesn't mean she's not still out there... watching... waiting for you to screw up on a school bus.

the end.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

Click play to watch the Bus Nut safety film in its entirety!

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Ol' #23: The Educational School Bus Safety Film!
Ol' #23:
The Educational School Bus Safety Film!

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