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You quickly grab the steaming pot of "Hamburger Helper" and you smash it into your dad's face. He falls to his knees instantly as he screams, "My eyes! My eyes!". Nothing like "Hamburger Helper" to blind somebody that could have easily overpowered you otherwise. You then throw his ass outside and tell him to never return again because you're sick of cleaning up after his sloppy, drunken, unemployed ass all the time! Your mom gives you a big hug and tells you that she's been wanting to do that forever. You all then sit down at the table and enjoy what's left of the "Hamburger Helper". As your eating, you think to yourself, "Now *I* am the man of the house!". Just then, some of the beef and pasta gets lodged in your throat and you begin to choke. Your mom rushes to your aid and gives you the Heimlich Maneuver. But it doesn't work, and soon you pass out and die. "Oh well, one less mouth to feed," she chuckles to herself. And so your story ends. You are one dead bastard, but you lived your life to the fullest before your demise. This is about the closest thing to a "happy ending" as you'll find in this story, so you did well. Still, it just goes to show you; no matter how much good you do, the rewards will be small, and your death will probably be even more absurd than choking on "Hamburger Helper". THE END.
Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola
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