Tall Yellow Eye Beardy Killer rears back with yet another axe, but stops when you shout

"I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy!" He hesitates a moment, then lets the axe fly but you jump twelve feet into the air like some kung fu bastard on wires, and it passes under you and into Mongoose. As his head and one of his guns tumble past you...

...you grab the head, discard it, and grab the gun instead.

"I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits" you say, landing directly in front of old Yellow Eye Etc, and fire a couple rounds into his axe throwing hand. He emits a puzzled grunt, looking at the stump where his right wrist now terminates.

"You don’t scare me! I know who you are, DICK BODY!"

"But Dick Body is dead!" Burbles fat chick,

crouching down by Dick’s dead body.

"That’s not Dick Body! The real Dick Body was left for dead, beaten to death by Ocutley’bits and MY UNCLE THEODORE who I conveniently never heard of! Except he wasn’t dead! He crawled off into the woods where he lived only for revenge and turned into the monster you see before you! Revenge on the nephew of one of his killers and his random friends!!! AND MY KNOWING HIS SECRET HAS ROBBED HIM OF HIS MONSTEROUS POWER!!!" which you prove by firing a round into his massive head, which kills him deader than shit.

Fat chick rolls the corpse of the guy you thought was Dick Body over, pulls off a rubber mask, revealing... TREAT WILLIAMS!!!

"But iffa that Tah-Leat WI-ree-yums… who’s-"

BUT OH CRAP, THE REAL DICK BODY ISN’T REALLY DEAD, YOU ONLY THOUGHT HE WAS, AND HE’S UP AGAIN AND WITH HIS LEFT HAND HE HURLS ANOTHER AXE AND CHIN MYU EXPLODES LIKE AN OVERRIPE WATERMELON GETTING HIT BY AN AXE AND YOU SHOOT THE MONSTER AGAIN ND THIS TIME HE’S REALLY DEAD!!

"Thank God this time the monster is dead." Says tough chick, who it really seems like you might get to have sex with now almost every one else is worm food "But if the guy we thought was Dick Body was Treat Williams, what about the guy we thought was Treat Willia-

AND OH GOOD CHRIST, AN AXE GOES RIGHT THROUGH HER AND YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ANY SEX WITH HER AT ALL UNLESS YOU’RE A NECROPHILIAC BECAUSE UNBELIEVABLY THE MONSTER IS STILL ALIVE SO YOU SHOOT HIS HEAD LIKE EIGHT TIMES AND... now he’s really dead for sure this time, thank God.

"What a relief that formerly unkillable monster is finally actually dead now" says the Fat Chick...

...and you step out of the way so the Monster can come back to life and slam her between his hands so hard she pops, because after all, it’s not like you were going to have sex with her, I mean, Jesus, she’s a fucking blowfish for God’s sake, and you shoot the monster through the neck until his head comes off, never wondering why you don’t ever need to reload, just glad the monster is finally, totally dead this time, absolutely, for sure dead.

So you go over to the corpse of the guy you thought was Treat Williams and pull off the mask and it’s actually the corpse of the Non Descript Normal Girl. You take a quick peak around to make sure no one’s watching, and prepare to take your reward. I mean, this IS a Halloween story, and she WAS supposed to end up being your girlfriend, and you ARE a huge repulsive, pervert and her remains ARE in better shape than Tough Chick’s.

But as you fondle her corpse, you can’t see that her eyes open, and she smiles all evil like, and she peels ANOTHER mask and it isn’t Non Descript Normal girl at all, it’s.................................. DOM DELUISE!!!

And then he peels of ANOTHER mask and it’s your uncle THEODORE!!!! AAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAGH!! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH!!!!

And the music gets real loud and everything goes dark.

the end.

We really hope you enjoyed reading this story. Another huge story completed by the I-Mockery staff members. It's always a blast for us to trade off pages and play off of each other's absurdist writing styles. We're all looking forward to doing it again next year! And just because you made it through the story doesn't mean you can't go back and find out what could have happened to you if you had made different choices on each page! That's part of the fun of it all! So by all means go check out the other pages that you missed out on. From all of us at I-Mockery, thanks for reading!

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