"I'll open up the
arcade cabinet to see what is powering it!" you exclaim aloud, "What
an opportunity for scientific discovery!" And what an opportunity it
is, Hort - You have standing before you the world's first powerless
generator! Imagine the boon to society! Why, people could take their
IBM-compatible computers outside, thereby completely eliminating the
need for social interaction and saving everyone tons of time and money!
You can barely contain the joy rippling through your dumpy frame and a
powerful giggle and snorting session soon overtakes you.
Yes, Hort, do laugh on,
for you are about to make one of the most important discoveries of your
age! You gleefully bound around back of the cabinet and begin to loosen
the screws one by one until NO, YOU FOOL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING?!
NOT WITHOUT YOUR TRUSTY ANTI-STATIC BRACELET!
Jesus Christ, that was
a close one. Wiping the beads of anticipation from your brow, you turn
to rummage through a nearby toolbox, eventually producing the ESD
bracelet, or "Mindy" as you've grown to know her. Strapping Mindy around
your wrist and carefully attaching the lead to a grounded screw on the
side of the machine, you again set to work removing the screws and are
allllmost finished when GOD DAMNIT HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE?!
YOU'LL NEED TO WEAR THE PROPER PROTECTIVE EYEWEAR!
Did you suddenly forget
your years of training in engineering school? Dr. Zavodney would be most
displeased at the carelessness with which you've handled this task!
Well, it just so happens that you have an assortment of welder's masks
on hand in your basement, and a couple of Velcro straps later, you're
back behind the machine, finally ready to...
YOU'LL NEED THIS THING TOO.
You've really got to
calm down and think this through, Hort. You're getting nervous and are
starting to make some mistakes. What good is the most important
scientific discovery since the microwave if you somehow damage the
machine in the process of your examinations?
Well, now that you've
got your bracelet, goggles, bizarre prism device, teddy bear, month's
supply of cat food, and a battery-operated magic wand, you're finally
ready to remove the back panel of the machine. Upon loosening the final
screw, the panel unhinges and cracks you right on the head. In a dazed
reaction, you stagger backward and reach out for a hand-hold, gripping
the side of the machine and pulling it down on top of yourself in a
thunderous crash. The screen in the cabinet cracks with the force of the
impact and implodes, perforating your smashed body with inch-thick
shards of tempered glass.
If only you had
remembered the stabilizing brackets! Way to get ahead of yourself
there, buddy!
