Aw, why he's just an
ugly widdle doggy-woggy! And he's got an adorable little piddle paddle
with him, with an equally adorable black stain on it. It's kind of cute,
in an ironic sort of way.
You rub the little pup's curly head of hair and admire his odd beige
coat. You cup its face and ask, "Who's a good doggie? Who's a good
doggie?" The "dog" gives a confused look, and so you give him the
answer: "You are! Yes you are! Yes you are!" You scratch his
flank a bit and he starts tapping his carpeted paw. You step back to get
a better look at the dog. "You know, dog," you admit, "I like
your style, even though you are, without a doubt, the ugliest dog in the
entire world."
Suddenly, the sky darkens, and a mass of clouds gather above the wing of
the plane. You sense good news approaching. There's a blinding flash of
light. When your vision clears, you are shocked at what stands before
you:
It's Sam, three-time
winner of the World's Ugliest Dog Contest! The dog turns its milky
pupils to you and barks once. In the bark, he explains that he has
returned from his pet cemetery on the dark side of the moon to challenge
your assertion that the hairy creature on the wing is, as you say, the
ugliest dog in the world. Sam further barks that there is only one way
to settle such a dispute: doggy deathmatch, or in Sam's words, "woof".
vs.
The match begins right
away. The gremlin-looking dog waves his piddle paddle at Sam, hoping to
ward him off before any damage could be done. The strategy proves
ineffective, and Sam lunges for his throat. Unfortunately, being dead
for two years hasn't done much to help Sam's blindness, and his lunge
carries him right to your throat. You try to shake him off, and scream
for him to stop, but he's in the zone. Soon, your cries for mercy turn
to wet gurgles, and you collapse, though not before admitting that Sam
is still the Ugliest Dog in the World.
vs.
