"Wait a minute!"
you think to yourself. "Why should I care what happens to this plane?
For all I know this is some virtual reality world where anything goes. I
mean really, a gremlin tearing up a plane wing? That can't be normal."
And right you are, it's not normal. You walk over to the gremlin and
politely inquire as to what it's name is.
"Oh hi there! I'm
the Amazing Human Rug and this is my chrome hanky!" he replies and
quickly returns to tearing off parts of the wing... er... hanky... while
doing his happy little dance.
"My, that's quite a
big hanky you've got there! Funny how it was attached to that plane, eh?"
you retort.
"The lord works in
mysterious ways, dude." he chuckles. "Say bro, would you mind
giving me a hand? I need to peel all these chrome hankies off before
daylight breaks."
Figuring you have
nothing to lose in this virtual reality world (well you *hope* it's a
virtual reality world) you decide to help the gremlin... er... Amazing
Human Rug. To your surprise, peeling off sheets of metal from the plane
is no more difficult than peeling off a slice from one of those Kraft
packs o' sandwich cheese. And while you're not planning on making a sandwich with
these metal sheets, you do wonder how air travel could possibly be safe
if planes can be torn apart so easily.
Before you can
contemplate this any further, the Amazing Human Rug, or "Ruggy" as you
now like to call him, grabs you by the arm and jumps off the plane now
that he's had his fill of shiny chrome plane parts. Fortunately, he has
the gift of flight and you fly around while some corny-ass orchestral
music plays in the background... you're pretty sure it's that same gay
music from the original Superman movie when he took Lois Lane flying in
her pajamas. And guess who's Lois in this situation? Here's a hint, it's
not Ruggy, sweetheart.
Anyway, once the
excitement of flying in the air wears off, you ask him to land. He
complies, but since you didn't specify exactly where to land, he decided
to land you right on the stage of an amphitheatre just as the lead act
was finishing their set during Ozzfest. The band stops playing and the
entire audience gasps in perfect unison. Oh no! These are metalheads!
You're interrupting their beloved orchestra of melodic agony!
Thinking quickly you
decide to announce that you and Ruggy are in a band together and this is
your grand unveiling show! But wait! You've got to come up with a band
name! Oh man, this is a dire situation indeed! While choosing the right
name could cast you up high onto the pillars of metal godliness,
choosing the wrong name could send you straight into the depths of hell
where ex-members of Whitesnake cry out into the moonlight for the sweet
release of death. But that death will never come, for their torment
shall be eternal... and so shall yours if you choose unwisely.
