OMG I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING! Which brings me to my next point. There
are squirrels ALL over this cemetery, so we would constantly hear twigs
snapping and things falling out of trees. I can't even imagine how fucking
creepy this place must be after dark (when it's closed) with all the
random noises coming from any given direction.
This inscription was carved into a tombstone. I can't imagine that would
be terribly comfortable for either party involved...
Another great thing about this cemetery is the awesome statues everywhere,
mostly of angels looking sad or lost.
And Rachael had told me I HAD to see the most gothy statue in the entire
place, and I was really kind of determined to make fun of it, but it
actually WAS a pretty fucking sad depiction of someone sobbing over their
There was also this angel statue holding out flowers as if to offer them
to you. I was about to accept said offer, until I remembered I don't eat
flowers and those ones are made out of rocks anyway, SO WHO THE HELL DO
YOU THINK YOU ARE, STONE ANGEL??
They have this MUCH smaller pyramid in a different part of the cemetery.
They couldn't exactly have those two pyramids within sight of one another.
I mean, can you imagine how sad this pyramid would be, having to sit in
the shadow of the Überpyramid all day? Can you imagine what a frowning
pyramid looks like? Not a pretty sight, I assure you.
This guy was apparently a doctor, and so he had his tombstone shaped like
a pill. I guess we can assume he wasn't a gynecologist, or he'd probably
have opted for something a little more interesting.
They have a ton of these family mausoleums carved into the sides of the
hills, and they kind of act like goth tractor beams, pulling you in and
forcing you to make ridiculously melodramatic poses around them. You think
you can resist, but YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR POWER!
They also have this awesome tombstone shaped like a tree. As you can see,
it's pretty big too. I don't know if this guy was a lumberjack or a park
ranger or what, but actually if he was a lumberjack it would have been
even better if it looked like the tree had just been cut down.
And now we come to the
Richmond Vampire's tomb! There was a local legend
about a vampire sighted in the 1920s going into the mausoleum of W.W.
Poole. The whole thing has naturally been debunked in later years, but
it's still amusing to refer to it as the Vampire's Tomb.
It really is impossible to be anywhere near the Vampire's tomb and
make fun of the damn thing.
Yeah, I totally should have been in one of those crappy "Blade" movies. I
could have been "pasty nerdboy vampire who's not scary at all #3". Which,
come to think of it, is a pretty worthy opponent for Blade.
BEHOLD! The fate of all who DARE make fun of the Vampire's Tomb! He makes
you pretend you're dead and take a picture of it! BEWARE!
This is quite possibly the coolest cross ever. "You may be dead, but look
on the bright side! Everything's just peachy!"
This little tombstone statue was missing its head. And you totally know
some asshole college kid has that thing up on his mantle surrounded by a
bunch of empty beer bottles.
This family mausoleum had an awesome name engraved on the side, which
immediately made me think of Dr. Strange from Marvel Comics, because I'm a
But upon closer examination, the names got even more awesome!
And finally, I think this statue here sums things up rather well. Because
the cemetery is such an interesting place to visit, the groundskeepers and
security guards constantly have to deal with all manner of jackass goth
kids and witch wannabes who try to sneak into the place after dark and do
whatever kind of spooky shit those kinds of kids get up to.
I just love how the angel looks like she's rolling her eyes, like she's
sick and tired of everyone's bullshit. And fittingly enough, she was the
last thing we saw after all of our stupid antics that day, and that was as
good as sign as any that it was time to go home. See, I don't care what
your parents said, it totally IS possible to have a good time in a
cemetery without being dead!