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Extreme Beverage Testers: Jones Soda 2005 Regional and National Holiday Packs!


Jones Soda Valentine Pack - Love Potion #6

EXTREME! SKEETER: "A sweet, robust thirst-quencher that makes my nipples ache with desire! I feel like I just read the most ssscandalous romance novel and drank all of the words within it so that they became one with my heart. I now have the sudden urge to cuddle up with my sugar plum pals on the couch, turn on the Oxygen network and enjoy an all-night 'Sleepless In Seattle' marathon. I just need to remind myself, it's ok to cry, for there are loved ones nearby!"

CONCLUSION: "I give this silly-billy daiquiri 9 glittery unicorns on a rainbow waterslide of love out of 10!"

J-DAWG: "Oh my dear heart, this drink sent chills up my spine and made my knees a'quiver with the sweaty anticipation that precedes a trip to the truck stop restroom! One swig of this delightfully cupidiferous concoction and I was ready to rip my shirt off and invite everybody over for an ABBA dance party. Just wait till I go back and introduce the sailors on the ol' USS Thruster to this giddy lil' number!"

CONCLUSION: "I would bend over backwards for this beverage and then some! I give this 20 gleefully fabulous romps through the park in a rolled-up shirt and cutoffs out of 10!"


EXTREME! BODHI: "Dippity, diddly, Deal-A-Meal! Even the deepest crevasses of my bladder welcome the warming sensations of this seductive soliloquy! I'm 'bout to get R. Kelly up in this! 'I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump 'n' grind…"

CONCLUSION: "I’ve no choice but to grant this delectable delight 4 out of 5 bottled boar-musk lubricants suitable for hours of raw, animalistic passion!"

J-DAWG: "Dearie me! Parts of me are getting chapped just WATCHING that display of affectiousness with that little tube there!"

SKEETER: "My lips were moist with anticipation before that juicy stick even touched them!"

BODHI: "Needless to say, that buxom balm isn’t all that’s rising to this occasion!"

SKEETER: "Coupons? Oh I do hope they have some for my hygiene products, I can't tell you how quickly I go through them sometimes!"

J-DAWG: "What need have I for coupons? Where the J-Dawg's concerned, you get what you see for free!"

BODHI: "Ohhh… penny pinchers! I thought I heard something else!"

J-DAWG: "Come on, gents! Saddle up, and let's all share in the experience of plunging our righteous shaft of cleanliness into this dank hole!"

BODHI: "Whew! This sheds a whole new light on the concept of 'clean and jerk'!"


BODHI: "Check yourself, you whore! You just heaved when should have hoed!"


J-DAWG: "Now, brosons, let's not fight! This is supposed to be a happy day of sharing and caring! Hugs, not thugs!"

BODHI: "Awww, shucks. He’s right, Skeety. We need to turn these frowns upside down."

SKEETER: "You know, you're absolutely right. Besides fighting with my favorite Bodhi doesn't bode well with me."

J-DAWG: "Hey Bodhi, do you feel where the spoon went? I think I accidentally dropped it between us, dude!"

BODHI: "That didn’t seem like an extended spoon…"

SKEETER: "I dunno about any spoons, but I think somebody dropped a rolling pin behind me! I didn't know they throb like that though..."

editor's note:
After drinking more of the Love Potion #6, the Extreme Beverage Testers eventually passed out. A few hours later they awoke with no memory
of the events that had transpired throughout the evening...


SKEETER: "What the? What time is it? How long were we out!?"

J-DAWG: "Woah! Dudes, what happened! I feel like I've been punched in the face by a semi-truck!"

BODHI: "I haven’t felt such intense pain since my scrotum was crushed in Pamplona during the Running of the Bulls back in '93."

SKEETER: "Well whatever went down tonight, it's quite clear that we did a fine job polishing off that potent potation from Cupid the mighty! Once again the Extreme Beverage Testers have taken on THE BEAST and put it to rest in their gullets of steel!"

J-DAWG: "No matter! We conquered that drink! In fact, we kicked its red liquidy ass! Nay, dare I say we went a few steps further and did unspeakable things to that ass best not mentioned!"

BODHI: "This may be my history of devastating cranial trauma speaking, but I’m quite certain that the unequivocal display of masculinity that took place here tonight should render the farcical existence of Valentine's Day a mere memory."

Big thanks to the people at Jones Soda who supplied us with the new 2006 Valentine's Day Packs. If you'd like to try them you can order them from their web site or pick some up at Target. Don't forget, in a gesture of thanks to the thousands of men and women who will be spending this Valentine's Day away from their loved ones, Jones Soda is sending a little love overseas. Jones Soda is sending 10,000 very special Valentine's Day packs to US troops deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan through Project Valentine.
So please do your part and help support Jones Soda's efforts!

Click here to see the Extreme Beverage Tester's
take on Jones 2005 Regional & National Holiday Packs!

Click here to see the Extreme Beverage Tester's
take on Jones 2005 Halloween Sodas!

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