SKEETER: "A sweet, robust
thirst-quencher that makes my nipples ache with desire! I feel
like I just read the most ssscandalous romance novel and drank all
of the words within it so that they became one with my heart. I
now have the sudden urge to cuddle up with my sugar plum pals on
the couch, turn on the Oxygen network and enjoy an all-night
'Sleepless In Seattle' marathon. I just need to remind myself,
it's ok to cry, for there are loved ones nearby!"
CONCLUSION: "I give this silly-billy
daiquiri 9 glittery unicorns on a rainbow waterslide of love out
my dear heart, this drink sent chills up my spine and made my
knees a'quiver with the sweaty anticipation that precedes a trip
to the truck stop restroom! One swig of this delightfully
cupidiferous concoction and I was ready to rip my shirt off and
invite everybody over for an ABBA dance party. Just wait till I go
back and introduce the sailors on the ol' USS Thruster to this
giddy lil' number!"
CONCLUSION: "I would bend over
backwards for this beverage and then some! I give this 20
gleefully fabulous romps through the park in a rolled-up shirt and
cutoffs out of 10!"
"Dippity, diddly, Deal-A-Meal! Even the deepest crevasses of
my bladder welcome the warming sensations of this seductive soliloquy!
I'm 'bout to get R. Kelly up in this! 'I don't see nothin' wrong with
a little bump 'n' grind…"
"I’ve no choice but to grant this delectable delight 4 out of 5
bottled boar-musk lubricants suitable for hours of raw, animalistic
J-DAWG: "Dearie me! Parts
of me are getting chapped just WATCHING that display of affectiousness
with that little tube there!"
SKEETER: "My lips were
moist with anticipation before that juicy stick even touched them!"
"Needless to say, that buxom balm isn’t all that’s rising to this
SKEETER: "Coupons? Oh I do
hope they have some for my hygiene products, I can't tell you how
quickly I go through them sometimes!"
J-DAWG: "What need have I
for coupons? Where the J-Dawg's concerned, you get what you see for
"Ohhh… penny pinchers! I thought I heard something else!"
J-DAWG: "Come on, gents!
Saddle up, and let's all share in the experience of plunging our
righteous shaft of cleanliness into this dank hole!"
"Whew! This sheds a whole new light on the concept of 'clean and
SKEETER: "HEAVE! HO!
"Check yourself, you whore! You just heaved when should have
SKEETER: "OH YOU BITCH!
I'LL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT!"
J-DAWG: "Now, brosons,
let's not fight! This is supposed to be a happy day of sharing and
caring! Hugs, not thugs!"
"Awww, shucks. He’s right, Skeety. We need to turn these frowns upside
SKEETER: "You know, you're
absolutely right. Besides fighting with my favorite Bodhi doesn't
bode well with me."
J-DAWG: "Hey Bodhi, do you
feel where the spoon went? I think I accidentally dropped it between
"That didn’t seem like an extended spoon…"
SKEETER: "I dunno about
any spoons, but I think somebody dropped a rolling pin behind me! I
didn't know they throb like that though..."
After drinking more of the Love Potion #6, the Extreme Beverage
Testers eventually passed out. A few hours later they awoke with no
of the events that had transpired throughout the evening...
"What the? What
time is it? How long were we out!?"
J-DAWG: "Woah! Dudes, what
happened! I feel like I've been punched in the face by a semi-truck!"
"I haven’t felt such intense pain since my scrotum was crushed in
Pamplona during the Running of the Bulls back in '93."
"Well whatever went
down tonight, it's quite clear that we did a fine job polishing off
that potent potation from Cupid the mighty! Once again the Extreme
Beverage Testers have taken on THE BEAST and put it to rest in their
gullets of steel!"
J-DAWG: "No matter! We
conquered that drink! In fact, we kicked its red liquidy ass! Nay,
dare I say we went a few steps further and did unspeakable things to
that ass best not mentioned!"
"This may be my history of devastating cranial trauma speaking,
but I’m quite certain that the unequivocal display of masculinity that
took place here tonight should render the farcical existence of
Valentine's Day a mere memory."
Big thanks to the people
at Jones Soda
who supplied us with the new 2006 Valentine's Day Packs. If you'd like
to try them you can order them from their web site or
pick some up at Target. Don't
forget, in a gesture of thanks to the thousands of men and women who
will be spending this Valentine's Day away from their loved ones,
Jones Soda is sending a little love overseas. Jones Soda is sending
10,000 very special Valentine's Day packs to
US troops deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan through
So please do your part and help support Jones Soda's efforts!