Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!

The Last Dragon!
by: Dr. Boogie


Things are looking up for Leroy until he encounters the obligatory huge guy, in this case, a John Goodman body double. Leroy's normally quick moves are replaced with sluggish punches, and the big guy picks him up and throws him on the ground repeatedly. Not good.

Luckily, help arrives in the form of Johnny and the students from Leroy's dojo. Even though they're just kids, they still manage to push back the armed thugs attacking Leroy. If only Eddie had screened these thugs a little more carefully.

Even Johnny does surprisingly well, though he's shown no fighting prowess at all up to this point. He does slow down a little when he's ambushed by Sho'nuff's thug, Cyclone, but that only makes things worse for them:

That's right, boys. Now you've awakened the awesome might of the little Asian kid! The spry lad leaps into action, taking down Cyclone with a little help from Johnny and pummeling a dozen more foes on his own.

Things are going really badly for Eddie. Still, he's not yet ready to shoot anyone. Instead, he and Rock retreat with the bound and gagged Laura in tow, leaving the equally bound and gagged Richie behind. He taunts Leroy into following, but Leroy is beset by a giant albino man-baby.

Leroy slips out of his wimpy bear hug, and the students pummel and pants the poor fellow. By the way, nowhere in the fight do you see the barking guy who wanted double pay. You could see his face in the pre-fight stage, but he never takes the stage. What a let-down. Anyway, Leroy takes off, leaving his brother to fend for himself. He's got things well in hand:

Richie manages to groove his way out of his bindings. It's a good skill to have when you're as trouble-prone as Richie. Speaking of which, Richie runs after Leroy to get himself into a bind once again.

Eddie lures Leroy into an abandoned warehouse adjacent to the studio. Leroy follows and eventually overtakes Eddie. Eddie is unaware of this, and is quite surprised when Leroy hurls some kind of throwing spike into the wall in front of him.

"Holy shit!"

Eddie decides to revise his gun policy.

Richie, meanwhile, has run right into the arms of Rock. Instead of going in the trashcan again, he simply kicks Rock right in his Apollo Creeds until he lets him go. He then runs right into the arms of Sho's thug, Beast. Worse yet, Beast wore a cup!

Thankfully, Leroy is there, but that doesn't save Richie from getting tossed in the trash (it's a trash pile this time, so at least he's moving up in that regard). Beast puts up a better fight than any of Sho's other thugs, but the end result is still the same. Leroy finishes him and gives Richie the Johnny treatment, locking him in a storage room just in time for the final showdown.

Yes, we all knew it was coming. Sho'nuff appears and the fight is on! He's still wearing some padding underneath his robe, though, so that could be why he and Leroy are evenly matched for the first part of the fight. The fight seems to shift in Sho's favor when he kicks Leroy through a wall. Leroy counters with a crane-assisted jump kick, and it seems like the fight is over.

Just as Leroy starts to relax, Sho calls out to him, and Leroy finds that Sho's body has disappeared. Leroy goes to investigate, and gets an unpleasant surprise.

Looks like Sho'nuff figured out that old man's riddles before Leroy. Sho puts on his best pirate face and puts Leroy through the paces:

"Now, when I say 'who is da mastah?' you say, 'Sho'nuff'!"

Leroy is really getting spanked. Even when Sho goes so far as to rip Leroy's shirt off, the kid still refuses to call him the master... I'm sorry, "da mastah!" Finally, Sho works his way over to some kind of open tank of water and starts dunking Leroy's head.

Leroy starts flashing back to a number of different parts of the film, all of which point to the one logical conclusion. Sho pulls him back out of the water and asks him once more: "Who is da mastah!?"

"I am."

Leroy starts to emit a strange yellow glow, and suddenly starts dominating the fight. Sho's red fists of fury start to short out, and suddenly he finds himself blinded by blue and gold sparks as Leroy pummels him. During this time, Richie manages to find and untie Laura while Eddie runs off, and they watch in amazement as Leroy demolishes the Shogun of Harlem.

Finally, Leroy puts Sho to bed with an explosive jump kick that hurls his ass into the dunk tank. In spite of all that Sho'nuff has done to him, Leroy plays the part of the good guy and lifts his unconscious head out of the water. What about Eddie?

Eddie states what we've all known for some time, namely that a bullet will do what an evil, poofy-haired fighter can't, and shoots Leroy. Huh, what a bummer. Upon closer inspection, however, Eddie's shot missed the mark slightly.

Man, thank god Eddie was aiming for Leroy's mouth, or that could have ended in disaster! Leroy trips Eddie before he can aim for a part of his body that can't catch bullets, roughs him up a little, and then suspends him a few feet off the ground with a length of chain.

Then, moments later, the police and Laura's producer and hairdresser all arrive on the scene. Neither the producer or hairdresser seem overly concerned by the fact that there was a huge melee in the studio, or that there were gunshots next door. They just want her ready for the next show. Leroy uses his Glow powers to teleport away, and the cops finally, FINALLY arrest Eddie, though they don't say why. My guess: Tax evasion.

Minutes later, Laura is doing her show, with the kid martial artists donning all white clothes and joining the dancers on stage. She's taking the whole "repeated kidnapping and attempted takeover of her show" thing in stride, apart from pouting over her hero disappearing. Turns out he just ran down to the flower shop. He calls out for Laura to teach him some moves, and everyone laughs because they don't know he's talking about sex. One of Richie's friends calls Leroy a cornball, but Richie stands up for him, saying that he's neither a cornball, a weirdo, or a coward; he's the master.

Man, what a movie. So many memorable characters and odd one-liners. And nobody ever called the cops at any point. They just happened to show up at the right place at the right time! Incredible. A couple things to note before I wrap this up: the director reveals in the commentary that the initial scene where Leroy is swatting arrows out of the air was real, and that it took around two hours to film. Also, the little Asian kid kicking some ass near the end of the film is Eddie Reyes Jr., who would reprise his role as "ass-kicking Asian kid" in a number of other movies and TV shows, and even wound up recently hosting Final Fu, which was also ass-kicking-related. He also starred in Sidekicks - a TV show about a cop and a kung fu kid who fight crime. Most importantly, though, he was "Keno" in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. His dad (Ernie Reyes Sr.) did the fight choreography for all the kids, although his kid was really the only one to be prominently featured fighting. I wish they would do a sequel to this movie. It could be about Sho'nuff trying to get his title back, only this time, he teams up with a powerful ally: barking guy! Someone call Berry Gordy!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email Dr. Boogie

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Fantastic Four: The Unreleased 1994 Live Action Movie By Roger Corman!
Fantastic Four: The Unreleased 1994
Live Action Movie By Roger Corman!


No Holds Barred!
No Holds Barred!

help support I-Mockery by supporting our sponsors:

Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola too.
Want to help show your support?


Come talk about this piece & more on our Message Forums!

click here for more minimocks!