Batman |
"I'm thankful for my
Deus Ex Machina belt, and little green shorts." |
Spider-Man |
"Gee, I'm thankful I
didn't do anything stupid like reveal my secret identity to
the world on live television, because then Aunt May and M.J. would
be in grave danger! Oh wait, I did. DAMN YOU, QUESADA!!! DAMN
YOU!!!" |
Iron Man |
"I'm thankful for the
recent Civil War granting me the ability to become the biggest
jackass in all the Marvel Universe!" |
Superman |
"I'm thankful for the
status quo which makes it impossible for writers to ever do anything
of lasting effect to my character!" |
Wolverine |
"I'm just glad that
Humberto Ramos will be done drawing me soon. I mean, it was fun and
different for a while, but this 'giraffe neck' shit is starting to
get ridiculous!" |
Wonder Woman |
"I'm not thankful for
a goddamn thing. DC totally screwed me. First they make my book
bimonthly, then they hire a writer who's never read a comic book in
her life? Member of the 'Big Three' my ass!" |
The Incredible Hulk |
"HULK THANKFUL FOR
SHONEY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET! UNFORTUNATELY HULK ON ALIEN PLANET
RIGHT NOW SO HULK CANNOT EAT BUFFET! ONLY BUGS FOR HULK TO EAT! NOT
EVEN HAVE KETCHUP TO PUT ON BUGS!" |
Storm |
"I'm thankful I got a
husband! I'm gonna start makin' baby hurricanes!" |
Martian Manhunter |
"Dude, what part of
'I'm a fucking martian' don't you understand? I don't even know
what Thanksgiving is." |
Robin |
"I'm very, very
thankful to be spending Thanksgiving this year with the Teen Titans,
and far, far away from Wayne Manor, and Batman... Frank
Miller makes him touch me." |
Captain America |
"I'm thankful that I'm
wise enough to stand by the ideals that our flag represents rather
than the flag itself. Oh, and that I'm not a government tool like
that dork Iron Man." |
Luke Cage |
"I'm thankful for
Brian Michael Bendis resurrecting my career from obscurity, kind of
like Quentin Tarantino did for John Travolta." |
Power Girl |
"I'm thankful that I'm
not just some empty sex symbol used to sell comics to sex-crazed
teens... oh. Shit. Well, how about the fact that I never need
support for my gigantic tits, then?" |
Ghost Rider |
"I'm thankful for—JESUS
CHRIST, MY HEAD'S ON FIRE! WATER!! BRING ME WATER!!!" |
Nightwing |
"I'm thankful that I
finally grew up, and that I don't have to put on 'fashion shows' in
those little green shorts anymore for someone who has more
money than God and thinks he can threaten to send me off to the
orphanage where they will beat me with nickel-filled socks." |
The Thing |
"Thankful? Oh yeah,
I'm real thankful that Stan Lee gave everyone else in the
Fantastic Four powers they could turn on and off, and I got stuck
being a human rock forever. Fuck you, Stan!" |
Green Lantern |
"I'm thankful for this
spiffy magic ring I just happened to find in a Cracker Jack box one
day. It's boffo!" |
The Punisher |
"You think I actually
celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah, sure, me and all the rifles and guns
sit around at the table together and eat bullets. That'll happen." |
Aquaman |
"I'm thankful for all
of my fans." |
Daredevil |
"Well, I'm not
thankful that I'm not completely insane, if ya get my
meaning! Booyah!" |
Nightcrawler |
"I'm thankful that I
leave a stinky fart smell behind vhenever I 'BAMF!' someplace
else. It is very satisfying, ja." |
Green Arrow |
"I'm thankful that
everyone in my city is too stupid to put two and two together and
realize that if you take off this teeny little mask, I look
exactly like the mayor of Star City!" |
Invisible Woman |
"I'm thankful that
ever since the accident, shoplifting has never been easier! So sue
me, I like nice things." |
Cyclops |
"I'm thankful for
NoDoz, cuz it's the only way people can read a comic book that I'm
in and actually stay awake!" |
The Flash |
"Dude, I'm so far
ahead of you, I'm already celebrating next year's
Thanksgiving. Oh, and I wouldn't take Highway 41 to Aunt Mildred's
this year if I were you." |
Warpath |
"Did you just say
'Thanksgiving' to me? Did you? You'd best get the fuck out of my
face before I carve you like a turkey." |
