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I-Mockery at the West Coast Nintendo Wii Launch Party!
by: -RoG-


LOOK! WE'RE FAMOUS! Well... we're on that big screen up there at least.

As time went on, people realized they could be on the big overhead TV screen if they went to boogie on the dance floor. Still, most people seemed to want to just stand around and laugh at them while the DJ kept shouting out various Nintendo promotions such as, "It's only a few hours until midnight! Together, Wii can change the world!" Calm down lady, it's a video game, not the end of hunger and poverty.

Drink the contents of these glowsticks to gain Wii Power.

To go along with the techno bastardizations of some of your favorite tunes, they also handed out bright white glowsticks to everybody in the crowd. So, when looked at from afar, it appeared as though everybody was waving around the Wii controllers, instead of dancing to music that surely was making Kurt Cobain roll over in his grave.

Somebody's gonna get a DUI

Just like with the DS, there were lots of Nintendo Wii kiosks all over the City Walk where you could try out a variety of the new games. Here, Re tests out Excite Truck and manages to drive anywhere but on the road... just like in real life!

Arms moving faster than the speed of light!

Dr. Boogie and I ended up swinging our arms wildly in the Wii Sports Boxing game.

Jabbed to death!

Despite my best attempts to duck and block, his persistent right-handed jabs had me kissing the canvas faster than you can say "Wii".

Float like a butterfly, sting like a Re!

Re also tried out the boxing and ended up kicking the computer's ass. Way to go, champ!

I'm sure the interest rate was only about 40%

For those who were feeling extra lucky, you could enter a Wii giveaway simply by signing up for a new credit card! Fantastic!

I don't care about your license plate, gimme a goddamned glowing gift card!

In case you're wondering why you couldn't find any of those cool blue glowing Nintendo Wii gift cards at Target that I mentioned in the blog, this is apparently the bastard who bought them all.

So close, yet so far...

People were collectively drooling as they peered through the EB Games store window and saw boxes upon boxes of Nintendo Wii systems stacked up.


They kept interviewing this so-called "Gaming Expert" throughout the night about the various new games on the Nintendo Wii. Here, he explains to the crowd that Zelda has been around since Nintendo's first home console system! Wow! He sure is an expert, eh? There's more video game knowledge in bongwater than there is in this guy's entire body.

Uh, surprise?

We kept hearing rumors of a "surprise" come midnight and were pretty sure it would be something like fireworks. Sure enough, close to midnight, the pyrotechs started to lay these units out on the ground.

I really need a pair of Powerisers more than anything.

As the clock grew closer to twelve, some more acrobats came out wearing some Poweriser jumping stilts and doing flips way up in the air. I must admit, it really looked like a lot of fun... until one guy jumped a bit too far and damn near crashed right onto one of the guard rails.

Sweaty, athletic, and gay (in the happy kind of way)

Then came the final countdown to the unveiling of the Nintendo Wii and the sweaty Poweriser jumper guys couldn't have been happier about it.

Our apologies to the janitor. :(

At the stroke of midnight, fireworks and streamers galore shot into the air to celebrate the release of the Nintendo Wii. I had to remind myself this wasn't New Year's Eve. Also, it should be noted that a lot of kids were seen stuffing the streamers into Nintendo Wii bags. I guess if they couldn't go home with the actual system, they could at least take home some of the used party supplies. Give it a few days and you'll probably see some "RARE Nintendo Wii Launch Party Streamers!" up for sale on eBay.

And finally, to end the night, they interviewed the first guy to buy a Wii! He actually said, "I can't believe this is happening!" as if he had just won the lottery. Congrats! you just spent 40 hours of your life waiting in line so you could spend $250 on a video game system! The ultimate irony for this poor bastard is that, when he gets home, he won't be able to play it since his power has probably been shut off and he's now been evicted from his apartment all thanks to his failure to pay the bills.

(actually, they at least gave away the game systems free, so that's good to hear)

In all honesty, it really was a big event... something you'd expect them to throw for the premiere of a blockbuster movie in Hollywood, not a new video game system. You can tell that they really do believe in the Wii and have high hopes for it. As for the Wii itself, after having played it, I can honestly say that I do think it's going to live up to the hype. Sure, I may have gotten my ass beat in the boxing game (a rematch is definitely in order), but the controls still felt natural. Seeing people playing other games such as Red Steel, Wii Sports and the new Zelda only helped reaffirm this belief.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see if I have any of those streamers. If so, I'm gonna make a fortune on eBay! But before I go, here is the video clip of the dancing drunk guy in orange as promised. Enjoy!

Questions or comments about this article?
Email -RoG-

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