AN OPEN LETTER FROM THANE FURROWS

To Whom It May Concern:

Well it's finally finished. HIGH STRUNG has been written, produced, directed, edited, screened and tweaked. Now strange people, who have had nothing to do with the film's creation in any way, will step in and make every concerted effort possible to screw it all up. Isn't life grand? But that's a moot point now. The most important matter at hand is:

HIGH STRUNG is about to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world, and if this movie is a big hit, I will become a big celebrity. I'm sure this will be a nightmare for me. (But it will be a nightmare involving a lot of cash, and I'm convinced that if more nightmares ended with gigantic checks, they would be more readily appreciated.) I am prepared for HIGH STRUNG to sweep through city after city, plex after multiplex like a tornado, helping everyone in its path to embrace cynicism. In light of all this "wonderfulness," I feel compelled to address a few small matters now, while I still have the time.

To the entire cast and crew... DO NOT CALL ME!

To the Russian producers... Now, aren't you happy that I arranged to keep you so occupied during production? And did you happen to notice that immediately upon the completion of principal photography, the Soviet Union crumbled? Sure, of course it was only a coincidence!

And to my fellow cynics, the critics... You can trust me! I understand! Big, successful movie reviewers are often too busy to cover every new breakthrough performer in depth, even unbelievably talented ones such as myself. You can take my word for it, this is NOT A PROBLEM! I have utilized my considerable skills as a writer to create a few really well-written quotes. After all, who knows more about HIGH STRUNG than I do? Plus, it spares you the inconvenience of leaving your comfortable office, or bar, or wherever. No there is no need to thank me. However, should you ever need advice on writing for children, especially on successfully incorporating true-life tragedies into children's stories, I do accept commissions.

The quotes are as follows:

"UNBELIEVABLY FUNNY TO A DEGREE NEVER PREVIOUSLY SEEN BY MAN!"

"STEVE MARTIN, LOOK OUT! THERE'S A NEW STEVE IN TOWN!"

"I GIVE IT A 10, 10, 10!!!" (for Gary Franklin)

"I LAUGHED SO HARD MY EYES SHOT OUT THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND KILLED AN USHER!"

Feel free to insert your own name as needed.

In closing, I would like to stress how enjoyable it is to contemplate the benefits the general public will derive from HIGH STRUNG. We all will be much better off and life will be so much more tolerable as soon as everyone realizes that life is, and always will be, INTOLERABLE.

Watch out for the edge,

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