-a rom hack of "Super Dodge Ball" for the NES-
review by: Dr. Boogie

For those of you that have played Super Dodge Ball, you know that it is a strange enough game on its own without any hacks being attached to it. While it looks on the surface to be a normal game of dodge ball, you will find that the players can do super moves with the ball that will make it hit members of the opposite team with such force that they will be thrown clear off the ring. Even better than that, each hit took points away from a power meter that each player had, and when that meter emptied out, the team members actually DIE, leaving the field in the form of a small angel floating up toward the sky. Sure, some might say that that type of killing was sufficient, but one rom hacker has decided that that is not the case. Thus, Death Dodge Ball was born.

Hooray, bring on the killin’!!! Oh, wait, first we have this guy, sitting on the first L in the word “Ball” with his middle finger raised in a triumphant sign of protest. What is he protesting, you ask? He’s protesting the need for quality in a game, the need for a rom hacker to put more than an hour of work into a hack before declaring it finished, and above all, the need for said author to leave their name in the hack to show whom created/was responsible for it. What a noble figure! Too bad he’s only a head and a finger away from being the original guy sitting there.

Past that glorious introduction, you are greeted with the ever-present question, “What has been changed to make this game so much more concerned with death?” Well, just look at this:

MUSCLES! That’s right, the normally penny-wearing characters are now totally ripped. Looks like all those years of smacking the crap out of each other with a dodge ball has finally paid off. Of course, muscles alone don’t account much for all the death and carnage that the title promises. That’s why when playing a game of Death Dodge Ball, you need one of these babies:

Ooooh, pointy. At least I assume it’s pointy, I can’t really tell, what with the horrible drawing that it is. Regardless, people still get whacked with the thing, and they still die. You’d think that maybe, just maybe, the author would throw in some blood, or something to remind you that this is Death Dodge Ball and that it is completely different from Super Dodge Ball, yet here we are with a poorly rendered ball on our screens and a look of disappointment on our faces. Hey, you know what else is associated with death:

That’s right; ghosts. Spooky, huh? That’s right, no longer are you the team from the good ol’ US of A. Now, you’re the guys from the United States of… Ghosts. Population: one talentless hack, six crappy muscular guys, and now, your sorry ass. Sadly, no other countries have been converted into their monstrous counterparts, but England has undergone an interesting transformation.

Wow, that spells death for your corneas, anyway. If you look carefully, through the garbled mess that this scene is, you can see that the ripped muscular figures are present. Sadly (or fortunately, depending on how you look at the situation), the images only work on one level in the entire bid for the championship, that being Iceland. Maybe the author just really liked Iceland. I mean, how can you say no to all those giant penguins? Seriously, how can you say no to them, they scare the hell out of me with their evil grins and unnatural hugeness.

The thing is that aside from Iceland, the changes do not affect the single player game. What they do affect, however, is the Bean Ball mode. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, Bean Ball is the mode where the six guys have a no boundaries free-for-all match to see who will come out alive in this brutal blood sport. The players and the ball aren’t the only thing that has changed in Bean Ball mode, oh no.

The author has left the school that appeared in the background in ruins. Although, when you think about it, most of the public schools in America are as dilapidated as that one is, so the whole thing makes sense. Anyway, in front of that school, the six ripped teenagers hurl a spiked ball at each other, and the winner gets to do the victory wave after putting his shirt back on.

What a complete waste this rom has turned out to be. Going into it, I thought that it would bring more violence and questionable behavior, but all I got for my interest was a crappy spiked ball and a psychedelic version of England. Let this be a lesson to you, kids: Having the word “death” in the title does not make a good rom hack.