At some point in our lives, we've all wondered what it would be like to
just go riding around on a bike while throwing knives at everyone and everything in the
neighborhood, right? Right!? Ok, well maybe not all of us have thought
about doing that, but some guy out there decided to take it one step
further. He hacked the NES rom of "Paper Boy", a classic game where it is
your mission to deliver papers in one of the most dysfunctional
neighborhoods on earth. So what huge changes did he make to the game?
Hardly any, well except that he changed the graphic of the newspapers
into a bloody knife! And by changing that one single graphic, he
decided the game needed a brand new title. KNIFE BOY!
the guy was too lazy to change the paper in his hand to a knife? Notice
that he didn't change the "Hero Paperboy Stops Theif!" sub-headline to say
"Knifeboy"? This here is the pinnacle of ROM hacking folks. Ok, even
though the guy who did this was obviously lazy (and on heavy medication),
it still sounds like an interesting enough game. I mean come on, the "AMAZING
KNIFEBOY KILLS!" headline is enough to gain anybody's interest! So we decide to play...
Look at that
bloody knife graphic! I cannot even fathom the amount of time he must have
spent working on that beauty. As you can see, you are no longer a paper
delivery boy. You are a "killer". A knife-throwing KILLER! Now
there's a few things you'll definitely need to know before you begin your
psycho knife-wielding frenzy.
Here is your
paper, er, knife route. In the original paper boy game it showed the
houses that were "subscribers" and "non-subscribers". In Knife Boy,
however, you're either throwing knives at "Assassins" or "Civilians". I'd
like to know what neighborhood in the U.S.A. this is where 50% of the
homeowners are assassins. Actually, I know of a few places in Philly that
would probably fit that mold.
need to "deliver" these bloody knives to the assassins by throwing them
onto their doorsteps or into their mailboxes. Sounds a lot more exciting
than some stupid paper boy job right?
As you can
imagine, you can only carry but so many bloody knives at once. You start
off with 10 and once you run out, you'll have to pick up some more knives.
And guess what, the genius who created this game drew a knife on top of a
new stack of newspapers so you can get more knives! He didn't even erase
the old newspaper stack graphic, he just plopped a knife right on top of
it. And while we're on the topic of the knives, where is the blood on them
coming from? Did Knife Boy kill someone? Is Knife Boy one of those
self-inflicted-pain freaks that enjoys cutting himself up? Where the hell is all that
blood coming from?! I guess we'll never know.
bloody knives to assassins might sound like a great job, but it's not all
fun and games. There are many obstacles that you, Knife Boy, will have to
overcome to deliver these bloody knives. And if you're not careful, these
obstacles will knock you on your ass. Let's examine some of them:
Obstacle #1: Angry Puppy
puppy chases after you whenever you go near his dog house. I'm assuming
it's because he can smell the blood on the knives and thinks you have
food. You can either try speeding by him or throw a bloody knife at him.
Of course, nothing really happens to the dog (or any of the other
obstacles) when it gets hit with a knife. It just freezes. No blood. No
gore. No cool yelping-in-pain sound effects. It just... freezes.
Obstacle #2: Construction
not dancing to the "YMCA" theme song, the Construction Worker guy is hard
at work driving that jackhammer of his deep into the concrete. But if you
run into him, he'll stop you cold in your tracks. So just move over to the
side and speed on by him. If you want, you can throw a bloody knife at him
to interrupt his hard work. Good times, good times...
Obstacle #3: Damned Kids
neighborhood has its share of annoying kids, and this place is no
exception. There's a kid who's not allowed to go into the street, so he
just pulls up onto the sidewalk on his "Big Wheels" (THE ride to have if
you were a kid in the 80's) and gets in your way. He's pretty easy to
avoid, but then there's that damned skateboarding kid. He thinks he's all
slick speeding down the sidewalk and he'll plow right into you. Now in
real life, if a
guy on a skateboard was headed for a guy on a bike, the guy on the
skateboard would be the one in pain. But, apparently our Knife Boy is a
real wimp cuz if he makes contact with the skater, Knife Boy gets knocked
down. Makes perfect sense to me...
Scared Manhole Guy
Now this is
the first sane person in the game that I've seen so far. Scared Manhole
Guy is obviously terrified. And why shouldn't he be? He lives in a
neighborhood with a 50% assassin population and a crazy-knife-throwing guy
that rides by on a bike every day. You bet your ass I'd be hiding down
there in the sewers with him if I lived there. Don't worry Scared Manhole
Guy, I know where you're comin' from pal!
Obstacle #5: The
in this neighborhood surprisingly don't take too kindly knife-throwing. In
fact, some of them will come chasing you down. There is one old lady who
comes storming out of her kitchen, with a heavy roller-pin in hand, when
you throw a knife at her house. And she will keep on chasing you for a
while, so you had better throw some knives at her or else you will receive
one hell of a beating like this:
too fun does it? So throw some knives at her to stop her in her tracks or
it's curtains for you, Knife Boy! CURTAINS!
Obstacle #6: The
This guy is
nuts. He's either break-dancing, suffering from a killer wedgie, or having
a heart attack, I'm not sure which. Whatever the case may be, he's decided
to put on this show for everybody to see right in the middle of the
sidewalk and he WILL knock you down if you get in his way. So by all
means, let the man dance. It's a free country.
Obstacle #7: The
break-dancer was so fast that he was able to dance up a storm: LITERALLY.
Out from behind you will come a mini-tornado that for some reason or
another, has a magnetic attraction to you. There's no real way to stop
these things, just ride your bike as fast as you can. Once the tornado
hits another obstacle, it will stop. As you can see, the tornado just
messed up the break-dancer. Ha Ha Ha! Poor bastard.
Obstacle #7: Death
I guess it's
not surprising that the ultimate assassin, Death himself, lives in this
insane neighborhood. Well, it's either Death or just some lunatic who
likes to dress up in a cloak and hood and walk out into the yard with a
huge scythe. Perhaps he's come out to congratulate you on a job well done.
Perhaps he's come to rip out your eyes and eat your bike. I really don't
know. Just stay the hell away from him.
plenty of other obstacles that can mess you up. Cars, sewer grates,
fences, you name it. So be careful where you go. Don't worry though, it's
not all stress. There's plenty of fun things to do in the game. Just look!
laugh as you throw a ton of bloody knives at one poor bastards house.
defile the graves of the dead! FUN!
test your knife-throwing skills in the obstacle course! FUN!
laugh at all of the people that cancel their bloody knife subscriptions!
Actually, who the hell would want bloody knives delivered to their homes?
Oh yeah, assassins. Right. I forgot. (sigh)
was an "interesting" experience. It showed me that you can edit one single
graphic in a game and then name it something completely different and call
it your own. Well, everybody will think you're an idiot if you do that,
but the point is you CAN do that if you want. If I had to choose between playing Paper
Boy or Knife Boy, I'd probably have to go with the latter. I don't know, I
guess there's some kind of allure when it comes to the idea of riding your
bike through a neighborhood while hurling bloody knives everywhere. So
that's Knife Boy in a nutshell. It's you vs. one hell of a screwy
neighborhood. Think you can cut it? Get it? CUT it? You throw knives! CUT
IT? Get it!??? Eh??? Nevermind...
like a good idea to me.
can play Knife Boy!
HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE KNIFE BOY ROM FOR THE NES!]
HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE NES EMULATOR]
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