The holiday season is upon us once again, and that can mean only one
thing: Shopping. For the staff here at I-Mockery, though, Christmas means
that we each have a new flimsy pretext to base our articles upon.
This year, the baby Jesus will be pleased to see that a rom hack has been
made in honor of his birthday that doesn't contain the usual stipend of
drugs and genitals. But will it still measure up to the lofty standards
that I have for people stripping down classic Nintendo games (and
Codename: Viper) and changing a few minute details so that they can tell
their friends that they are genuine members of the rom hacking elite? Only
time will tell. Now, prepare to have your head exploded by the yule-fueled
sensation that is called Super Mario Bros. 2 – Christmas Edition.
title screen for a rom hack. Green background for that extra Christmas
touch, and even a little "Christmas Edition" written in script to drive
the message home.
And here are
our central players, decked out in fabulous new Christmas outfits from Old
Alright, guys, I've got Christmas shopping to do, and to be quite honest,
I really don't want to hang around here much longer. I mean, I've read
articles by this Dr. Boogie guy in the past, and I want to get out of here
before this piece really starts to blow. That said, I'll be leaving you in
the care of my main man, Toadworth.
Are you ready, Toad?
then. See you chumps and chumpettes later.
"Well, folks, let's get started on this tour of SMB 2 – Christmas
gone and turned the world into a winter wonderland. How delightful! Good
thing I decided to ditch my old vest-and-no-shirt look for this stylish
snow suit. My only regret is that I didn't bring my sled.
Man, though, I could stare at that snow all day. Looks like I'll have to,
seeing as every frigging scene, indoors and out, has snow in the
"Enough o' that, though. Let's you and me take a look at the bestiary:"
"And as for
the rest of you, the enemies that didn't even try to make a miniscule
costume change in the spirit of Christmas, I invite all of you to go
straight to hell!
Fortunately for you people, the bosses have at least put on costumes of their own for the
dressed up as the Rat King from the Nutcracker. The sunglasses he added
himself. I think it makes him look hip and dynamic."
look! It's the star that guided the three wise men to Bethlehem, where
they gave their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to Santa Clause,
and he drove his sleigh to the North Pole to tell Jesus to start cranking
out bread and fish for everyone on Santa's nice list, and to damn everyone
on the naughty list to an eternity of pain and suffering in the deepest
bowels of hell, watching as their own entrails are devoured by the
voracious pit beasts that have existed since times forgotten, and serve
masters whose names are too horrible to repeat."
"This one is
a little less Christmas-y. It's a Snow Crab (known affectionately as "Opies"
by fishermen in the industry). Man, let me tell you, if I earned more than
the pittance I make working for the princess, I'd be having myself a Snow
Crab for Christmas dinner instead of just a four pack of Ramen noodles.
But am I bitter? No, never."
"This guy is
Oh, to hell
with this! This whole thing is a bust! The damned author didn't change a
damn thing. I spit on the whole thing. *ptooie*"
Toadworth learned the true meaning of Christmas.
I'm back from my Christmas shopping, and seeing what a half assed job the
author of this hack did got me to thinking, "how would I have made a
Christmas-themed rom hack?" In short, I wouldn't because I am a
considerate human being, but I did come up with a few variations on the
bad guys from the second in a long chronicle of the world of the brothers
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Snifit! Sure, he may not be able to fly, but
reindeer aren't supposed to be able to fly, and look how well they're
doing. A little cosmetic surgery will turn that vulture's beak into a
respectable round nose in no time flat.
attempt at holiday spirit has turned this noble insect colossus into a
fashion faux pas. Red and black is a winning combination, but this…
In the rom
hacker's tradition, I have opted to simply add some text, rather than
radically alter the character sprite. It saves time and effort.
Interesting side note, you can't spell "noel" without an "L".
I'm particularly proud of this one. My buddy, Pidget, has donned an
adorable little Santa beard. No hat, though. He has a scalp condition.
Probably from riding his carpet at high altitudes.
Aw, look how happy he is! Sure, it is a little unnerving, but sometimes
it's good to be scared. Not right now, of course, but later.
Screw Bob Omb. He's got a five-second lifespan, so why should he get to
ride around in the talons of a huge bird? No, let's give our avian
companion a comically oversized ornament to hang on some comically
oversized Christmas tree (not pictured).
The world's least deadly ninja gets the star treatment. Yes, he's the
famous star from the Christmas story, and oh, how he shines. Beautiful.
I've gone to the trouble of giving the shyguy's WMD a little sprucing up.
Now, the "M" stands for "merry"!
That damned ostrich is always prancing about, but it's the winter for
god's sake. The bird needs some fine quality boots to help him slog
through the snow. Now, all he needs is a truss (carrying a Shyguy is
murder on his back).
Yon hedgehog has been striped like a candy cane. Or a barber pole,
depending on your own personal leanings. In either case, he tastes like
I admit I have no idea what the hell this thing was supposed to be in the
first place. What god would create such a hideous white mouthless mutoid? I can't
imagine what this thing would look like for Christmas, but I'm damn sure
that I want no part of it.
Last but not least is dear
Squigly. I'm sorry, but there is no alternative. The Shyguys and
Snifits of this world would do well to try and mimic the magnificence that
wraps it up. I've laid down the foundation for what could be a well-done
Christmas rom hack of Super Mario Bros. 2 - I leave it up to you rom
hackers out there to finish the job. And before you go, remember this: every time Dr. Boogie screams in
anguish, a rom hacker gets his wings. Merry frigging Christmas.
You too can play Super Mario Bros. 2 - Christmas Edition!
[CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE SUPER MARIO BROS 2 XMAS
EDITION ROM FOR THE NES!]
[CLICK HERE TO
DOWNLOAD THE NES EMULATOR]
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