[click to listen ]
So this track is supposed to be conversations between all the people
on the street talking about Macho Man's big comeback. "Girl, he look
good to be a old man, I would date him." "He look so good, he had
tight black pants and his muscles was all bulgin'." Somehow I doubt
these are the things on the mind of Afro-Americans today. In fact, I can't
imagine anything but undying laughter and derision upon hearing the news that
Randy Savage was actually going to release a rap album.
• I'm Back
[click to listen ]
"People wanna know if Macho's still in the ring. People wanna know
if Randy's doin' his thing. Everybody's talkin' wanna know this 'n that, so I'm a
tell you right now Randy Savage is back!" Actually, what people really
wanna know is: how did the man, who made the vocal sound of someone
while taking a dump famous, get a rap album deal? Furthermore, what made
him think it was a good idea at this point in his career? "I'm back
with vengeance and got good chemistry, me and Big3 bout to shock the whole
industry." Good chemistry? Let's not go that far, but yes, I do think
it's safe to say that this album shocked the whole industry. Shocked that
someone put up the money for you to record it.
Can we make a
rule that any song which features the words "Put your hands in the air
and wave 'em like you just don't care" is automatically filed away in
the "creatively void" cabinet? I won't even get into how many times they
repeat the phrase "Ru Ready?" in this damned song. "Girls in my
face that look like playboy models, and when they hear Macho's voice their
knees start to wobble." My knees buckled with laughter when I heard
you rap too; that's nothing to be proud of Randy.
features DJ Kool. Now I don't know who that is, but I imagine after
appearing on this album, he's got about as much street cred as your
average teenage suburbanite rich white kid. The track basically consists
of the DJ telling people "everybody wave your hands in the air!"
while Macho Man let's out a few "ohhh yeeeeah's" here 'n there.
Worst thing about this track is how the entire thing is a short loop in
which one note on a synth is hit over and over again. Randy does manage to
get in a plug for his web site in the song too: "So don't sleep I'm
constantly droppin' a bomb, like on ya CD-rom, it's MachoMan.com."
Unfortunately, the site isn't online anymore. Too bad... I'm sure it would've been
a real treat.
[click to listen ]
Other than the
intro, this is the shortest track on the album, and with good reason...
there's just not a lot too it. "Let's roll
baby! Come on tear it up! Let's roll baby! Come on kick some butt!"
I've noticed Macho Man likes talking about kicking butt quite a lot on
this album. I guess if you're gonna "be a man" you've gotta learn
how to "kick some butt". Well that and you need to say "ohhhhhhh
yeeeeeeaah!" about 500 times an hour.
Remember Me [click to listen ]
Looks like ol'
Randy was feeling like people had forgotten all about him. Sure, he used
to be a big wrestling star and appeared in a ton of Slim Jim commercials,
but he hadn't done much of anything in more recent years. Well Randy has a
response to that with this slow groovin' rap, "Been chillin' in da cut
but I'm back on the scene, I'll still kick ya butt cuz I'm still real
mean!" Yeah, he's so mean that he's got some macho women
singing some "la la la la" chorus to his song. Didn't Kylie
Minogue do that already?
• Tear It Up
A little hip hop, a little rock & roll... all crap. "I'm blowin' up
the spot like some dynamite, you've seen me kick some butt now I'm rockin'
da mic." Call me crazy, but I could've sworn I heard him talk about
kicking some butt earlier on this album. Must be my mind playing tricks on
me because it's been blown away by this amazing rap force. And what about the song title.
Tear it up? Randy, I'm pretty sure the only people who were singing "tear it
up" were the record executives talking about your contract when they saw
the sales numbers for this album.
This tune is all
about how the girlies love Macho Man and his Macho Thang. Wait,
wasn't the word "thang" outlawed in the late 90's? Then why is Randy
Savage using it on this 2003 record? "Shakin' her thang like it's the
end of the world..." It must be the end of the world, because I can't
think of any other reason Randy Savage would rap about how he's big
• Be A
Man [click to listen ]
Awesome. This is
the one and only truly great song on this album. Why? Because it's
basically a song in which Macho Man calls out Hulk Hogan for being a
coward. It's as if they had Mean Gene Okerlund interview Randy Savage about
fighting the Hulkster and set it to music. Macho Man not only criticizes
the Hulk for dodging him in the ring, but he even mocks his film career! "They
call you Hollywood (huh huh) don't make me laugh, cuz your movies and
your actin' skills are both trash. Your movies straight to video the box
office can't stand, while I got myself a feature role in Spider-Man!"
A feature role? Hahahah, sorry to break it to ya Randy, but you were in Spider-Man for about a minute. And
your role was playing a wrestler named "Bonesaw"... so how much acting
did that really require? The chorus is exquisite too: "Be a man Hulk,
come on don't be scared, you're runnin' from Macho that's what I heard. Be
a man Hogan come on don't be a chump, I never thought Hulk would go out
like a punk." What's great is that when they say "scared" they
pronounce it "skerd" just so that it will rhyme with the next line. This
track is pure comedy and simply cannot be missed.
I think I heard this track already, it's about Macho Man kicking some
butt. No seriously, it is. Some of the tracks are practically
indistinguishable, and the lyrical content definitely isn't helping
matters. This go around, he's getting his inspiration from Cypress Hill, "Get
Back Dude or I'm a have to bring the pain, cuz messin' wit Randy Savage,
you're insane in the brain." Come on Randy, don't tell us the
well is dry already.
The Madness [click to listen ]
This song is
probably the worst thing on the album. If you could come up with a worse
sounding chorus, my hat's off to ya, because I honestly don't think it's
possible. "Feel The Madness (everybody lose control). Feel The Madness
(come along and let's explode)." Just imagine that chorus being performed by
some high-pitched Bee Gees-sounding motherfuckers and you too will be feeling
the madness in no time.
What's That All About
Bleh. It's a
forgettable, annoying slow tune about Randy not being able to live without
some girl who completes him. "Even though we fight, I know we'll work
it out, because the last thing I wanna do is scream and shout." Pretty
amusing when you consider that Macho Man's public persona does nothing but
scream and shout. It's hard imagining him doing anything but acting
like a madman, whether it's in the ring or talking with his lady early in
the morning over breakfast.
Gonna Be Trouble
[click to listen ]
Holy shit, Randy really likes using the word "dude" in this track! "You're
in trouble now dude, cuz talkin' a lot of shhh ain't my style dude, but you
always wanna run off at the mouth dude, I'm about to show you what I'm all
about dude, I'll knock you out dude!" Dude, dude, dude! Gotta
also love how,
even though he's all hardcore now, Macho Man censors himself by saying "shhhh"
instead of shit. Probably because he knew that the only people who would
be purchasing the album were wrestling fans under the age of 12.
This is Macho's
song about his special wrestling friend, Kurt Henning aka: Mr. Perfect,
who passed away. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off as hilarious as "Hulkster
In Heaven" from Hogan's old album, but it's still heartfelt as you can get from
a guy like Macho Man I suppose. "He really was perfection, and now he's
gone away. We're lucky to have known him, and we'll miss him every day."
I wonder though, if Mr. Perfect were still around, would he be pissed at how far
from perfect this musical tribute to him really is?