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ALBUMS THAT SUCKED!
 

Macho Man Randy Savage - Be A Man

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeeah! We've already heard Hulk Hogan's album, so it's only natural that another wrestling superstar would step to the mic and record one as well. What's surprising, however, is that Randy "Macho Man" Savage decided to do it in 2003 instead of back in the 80s at the height of his popularity like Hogan did. If anything proves the "better late than never" saying wrong, it's gotta be this CD. Maybe he was just waiting all these years for the right style of music to come out that would suit his masterful lyrics. Well, it appears as though his search has ended, and sadly he has chosen overproduced rap music as his signature sound. "Be A Man" is Randy Savage's self-proclaimed return to the spotlight, and as you can see from the album artwork, there's a lot of stuff that's been holding him down all these years. Well, mainly chains...

No ropes can hold back the Macho Madness!

Oh and rope. Yeah, chains and rope. If it wasn't for those chains and rope, Randy would still be at the top of his game, champion of the world, and snapping into an endless supply of Slim Jims without a care in the world. But life's been hard on Randy, with all of its ropes and chains trying to hold him back... what's a Macho Man to do? Most people would just shrivel up and die, but not Randy. He's here to let the world know that he's back for good and no ropes or chains are gonna get in his way this time. As the inside of his album cover boldly states, "LET'S GET IT ON!"

Let's take a look at each track from the "Be A Man" album and see what Randy is up to. As usual, you'll have a chance to listen to a few of them along the way:

Intro [click to listen ]
So this track is supposed to be conversations between all the people on the street talking about Macho Man's big comeback. "Girl, he look good to be a old man, I would date him." "He look so good, he had tight black pants and his muscles was all bulgin'." Somehow I doubt these are the things on the mind of Afro-Americans today. In fact, I can't imagine anything but undying laughter and derision upon hearing the news that Randy Savage was actually going to release a rap album.

I'm Back [click to listen ]
"People wanna know if Macho's still in the ring. People wanna know if Randy's doin' his thing. Everybody's talkin' wanna know this 'n that, so I'm a tell you right now Randy Savage is back!" Actually, what people really wanna know is: how did the man, who made the vocal sound of someone speaking while taking a dump famous, get a rap album deal? Furthermore, what made him think it was a good idea at this point in his career? "I'm back with vengeance and got good chemistry, me and Big3 bout to shock the whole industry." Good chemistry? Let's not go that far, but yes, I do think it's safe to say that this album shocked the whole industry. Shocked that someone put up the money for you to record it.

Ru Ready
Can we make a rule that any song which features the words "Put your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care" is automatically filed away in the "creatively void" cabinet? I won't even get into how many times they repeat the phrase "Ru Ready?" in this damned song. "Girls in my face that look like playboy models, and when they hear Macho's voice their knees start to wobble." My knees buckled with laughter when I heard you rap too; that's nothing to be proud of Randy.

Hit The Floor
This track features DJ Kool. Now I don't know who that is, but I imagine after appearing on this album, he's got about as much street cred as your average teenage suburbanite rich white kid. The track basically consists of the DJ telling people "everybody wave your hands in the air!" while Macho Man let's out a few "ohhh yeeeeah's" here 'n there. Worst thing about this track is how the entire thing is a short loop in which one note on a synth is hit over and over again. Randy does manage to get in a plug for his web site in the song too: "So don't sleep I'm constantly droppin' a bomb, like on ya CD-rom, it's MachoMan.com." Unfortunately, the site isn't online anymore. Too bad... I'm sure it would've been a real treat.

Let's Get It On [click to listen ]
Other than the intro, this is the shortest track on the album, and with good reason... there's just not a lot too it. "Let's roll baby! Come on tear it up! Let's roll baby! Come on kick some butt!" I've noticed Macho Man likes talking about kicking butt quite a lot on this album. I guess if you're gonna "be a man" you've gotta learn how to "kick some butt". Well that and you need to say "ohhhhhhh yeeeeeeaah!" about 500 times an hour.

Remember Me [click to listen ]
Looks like ol' Randy was feeling like people had forgotten all about him. Sure, he used to be a big wrestling star and appeared in a ton of Slim Jim commercials, but he hadn't done much of anything in more recent years. Well Randy has a response to that with this slow groovin' rap, "Been chillin' in da cut but I'm back on the scene, I'll still kick ya butt cuz I'm still real mean!" Yeah, he's so mean that he's got some macho women singing some "la la la la" chorus to his song. Didn't Kylie Minogue do that already?

Tear It Up
A little hip hop, a little rock & roll... all crap. "I'm blowin' up the spot like some dynamite, you've seen me kick some butt now I'm rockin' da mic." Call me crazy, but I could've sworn I heard him talk about kicking some butt earlier on this album. Must be my mind playing tricks on me because it's been blown away by this amazing rap force. And what about the song title. Tear it up? Randy, I'm pretty sure the only people who were singing "tear it up" were the record executives talking about your contract when they saw the sales numbers for this album.

Macho Thang
This tune is all about how the girlies love Macho Man and his Macho Thang. Wait, wasn't the word "thang" outlawed in the late 90's? Then why is Randy Savage using it on this 2003 record? "Shakin' her thang like it's the end of the world..." It must be the end of the world, because I can't think of any other reason Randy Savage would rap about how he's big pimpin.

Be A Man [click to listen ]
Awesome. This is the one and only truly great song on this album. Why? Because it's basically a song in which Macho Man calls out Hulk Hogan for being a coward. It's as if they had Mean Gene Okerlund interview Randy Savage about fighting the Hulkster and set it to music. Macho Man not only criticizes the Hulk for dodging him in the ring, but he even mocks his film career! "They call you Hollywood (huh huh) don't make me laugh, cuz your movies and your actin' skills are both trash. Your movies straight to video the box office can't stand, while I got myself a feature role in Spider-Man!" A feature role? Hahahah, sorry to break it to ya Randy, but you were in Spider-Man for about a minute. And your role was playing a wrestler named "Bonesaw"... so how much acting did that really require? The chorus is exquisite too: "Be a man Hulk, come on don't be scared, you're runnin' from Macho that's what I heard. Be a man Hogan come on don't be a chump, I never thought Hulk would go out like a punk." What's great is that when they say "scared" they pronounce it "skerd" just so that it will rhyme with the next line. This track is pure comedy and simply cannot be missed.

Get Back
I think I heard this track already, it's about Macho Man kicking some butt. No seriously, it is. Some of the tracks are practically indistinguishable, and the lyrical content definitely isn't helping matters. This go around, he's getting his inspiration from Cypress Hill, "Get Back Dude or I'm a have to bring the pain, cuz messin' wit Randy Savage, you're insane in the brain." Come on Randy, don't tell us the well is dry already.

Feel The Madness [click to listen ]
This song is probably the worst thing on the album. If you could come up with a worse sounding chorus, my hat's off to ya, because I honestly don't think it's possible. "Feel The Madness (everybody lose control). Feel The Madness (come along and let's explode)." Just imagine that chorus being performed by some high-pitched Bee Gees-sounding motherfuckers and you too will be feeling the madness in no time.

What's That All About
Bleh. It's a forgettable, annoying slow tune about Randy not being able to live without some girl who completes him. "Even though we fight, I know we'll work it out, because the last thing I wanna do is scream and shout." Pretty amusing when you consider that Macho Man's public persona does nothing but scream and shout. It's hard imagining him doing anything but acting like a madman, whether it's in the ring or talking with his lady early in the morning over breakfast.

Gonna Be Trouble [click to listen ]
Holy shit, Randy really likes using the word "dude" in this track! "You're in trouble now dude, cuz talkin' a lot of shhh ain't my style dude, but you always wanna run off at the mouth dude, I'm about to show you what I'm all about dude, I'll knock you out dude!" Dude, dude, dude! Gotta also love how, even though he's all hardcore now, Macho Man censors himself by saying "shhhh" instead of shit. Probably because he knew that the only people who would be purchasing the album were wrestling fans under the age of 12.

My Perfect Friend
This is Macho's song about his special wrestling friend, Kurt Henning aka: Mr. Perfect, who passed away. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off as hilarious as "Hulkster In Heaven" from Hogan's old album, but it's still heartfelt as you can get from a guy like Macho Man I suppose. "He really was perfection, and now he's gone away. We're lucky to have known him, and we'll miss him every day." I wonder though, if Mr. Perfect were still around, would he be pissed at how far from perfect this musical tribute to him really is?

In conclusion...

Macho Man can wrestle with the best of 'em and he can even make eating a Slim Jim seem like an action-packed experience, but release a good rap album he cannot. The album is about as generic as rap albums come (even with his hysterical voice), with only one standout track. So get back in the ring and "Be A Man" Randy, you'll be better off and so will we. Ohhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeah!

Questions? Comments?
Email -RoG-

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