HEADLINE NEWS

[Tadao]

Horoscope horror because Earth has 'wobbled' out of alignment with the moon
Most who thought they were Virgo are actually Leo - but only in the Easthttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1347140/Horoscope-change-2011-Sidereal-astrology-reveals-13th-OPHIUCHUS-zodiac-sign.html

[kahljorn]

the precession of the equinoxes

OH GOD 2012

[Fathom Zero]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110114/wl_afp/tunisiapoliticsunrest

I love me some civil unrest.

And isn't 'unrest' redundant? Why don't they just say political awakeness?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Horoscope horror because Earth has 'wobbled' out of alignment with the moon
Most who thought they were Virgo are actually Leo - but only in the Easthttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1347140/Horoscope-change-2011-Sidereal-astrology-reveals-13th-OPHIUCHUS-zodiac-sign.html

I saw that earlier and was like "Where the fuck have people been?"

[executioneer]

why ophiuchus, anyways

what's wrong with Ursa or Cygnus or something good that people will actually recognize instead of a constellation nobody's heard of apart from people who've played star control II

[executioneer]

i mean, cygnus has a FUCKING BLACK HOLE in it

awesomest swan ever

[Colonel Flagg]

Ophiuchus is on the ecliptic, and Cygnus is not. QED.

[Evil Robot]

Ophicus is an epilectic. Cyrus got a GED.

[executioneer]

well we should alter the course of earth's orbit until cygnus is in the ecliptic then

problem solved

[Pentegarn]

Ophicus is an epilectic. Cyrus got a GED.

That still didn't keep him from getting shot in The Warriors

[Evil Robot]

Ultimately, he could not dig it.

[executioneer]

yeah hs algebra's not real helpful in a gunfight

[Colonel Flagg]

well we should alter the course of earth's orbit until cygnus is in the ecliptic then

One good whack from a Near Earth Asteroid should do the trick.

[Colonel Flagg]

Of course it could wipe out all life on the planet.

SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE, DAMMIT.

[Tadao]

ALL HAIL SATAN

http://gelageo.com/Images/ophiuchus2.jpg

Funny thing is that medical and celestrial people confuse Hermes and Ophiuchus staff to this day.

[Fathom Zero]

That is pretty funny.

[Tadao]

The Caduceus vs the Staff of Asclepius

http://www.drblayney.com/Asclepius.html

too many names for the same fucking gods.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

why ophiuchus, anyways

what's wrong with Ursa or Cygnus or something good that people will actually recognize instead of a constellation nobody's heard of apart from people who've played star control II

AND FINAL FANTASY TACTICS.

[executioneer]

i never beat that ;_; too many tactics

[Colonel Flagg]

I wish I was an Ophiuchus. :(

[Tadao]

Daily Show pointed out that people with horoscope tattoos are idiots. But we already knew that.

[kahljorn]

I don't really see how this changes what your sign is anyway. If you were born under VIRGO, it doesn't matter if they add another constellation, you were still born under VIRGO

[executioneer]

nuh uh its like if they added a thirteenth month and took two days out of each month to make it, everything shifts a few days

[kahljorn]

the months aren't what matters its what constellation the sun/planets are in when you're born.

also they do add a 13th month because their calander is different than ours :O

the whole idea of it is retarded anyway. If astronomy is real, then when the zodiacs were altered did everybody's personality change?

[Tadao]

It's more like they made the signs correlate with the months a very long time ago. In our generatinon, the planet has tilted so much that you were not born under the same sign as the old chart proclaims. You were actually born under a different constelation. Also I heard that the 13 sign was originaly there but that made it way to hard for peoples brains back then.

[Zhukov]

But astrology is bullshit.

[Tadao]

Not anymore! It got fixteded

[Esuohlim]

The new system has weird days because it goes with when and how long the sun spends in that particular constellation. A tiny portion of Ophiuchus' sector in the sky overlaps the ecliptic, so now they're taking it into account like they should have in the first place.

I say "like they should have" as if it even matters. The only person I know who is upset about this is my mom, and only because she doesn't want to learn how to spell Sagittarius

[kahljorn]

Oh nevermind

[Zhukov]

Anyone hear about the wood carving man who was shot in Seattle by a cop?

BX8RD4C8WFU&feature=player_embedded

You can hear him get all of a few seconds to react before he gets blasted for not putting down his apparently minuscule wood carving knife. Nice.

"Suspect down." Suspected of... what?

Strangely enough I was watching youtube videos yesterday of police beating the carp out of shitty excuses for human beings, and loving it.

[Zhukov]

This is probably like months old but still: JUSTICE.

[Tadao]

This last year has seen a lot of cops shooting to death people with pocketknives or no weapon at all. In 100 percent of the scenarios I've seen, a taser should have been used.

[The Leader]

This is probably like months old but still: JUSTICE.
He was carrying a knife that met legal requirements for being carried in the open. Also he was native American and homeless.

That cop should be executed.

[kahljorn]

yea he shot like what 5 times? seems kind of unnecessary.

still its hard for me to blame cops :(

[Tadao]

http://gawker.com/5518553/san-francisco-subway-cops-temporarily-lose-taser-privileges

[kahljorn]

went to the source article for that and somehow i ended up on a completely different website where they were talking about all kinds of crazy new weapons and shit.

Like this thing called a DAZer LAZer that shoots green lasers into people's eyes to incapacitate them, and it can work from a mile away :O also a taser for bears and an automated turret that will prolly kill everyone like in robocop (and can kill people from like 1.3 miles away) :O they're using the turrets in the korean DMZ though

[Tadao]

I'd hate to be close enough to a bear to have to taser him. :eek

[kahljorn]

i think it said you could taze them from over 30 feet away or something. ALSO IT WAS LASer guiDed

[Dr. Boogie]

Laser tazer?

[Zhukov]

Are you talking about an actual beam of light that goes in people's eyes and shuts their brain down? That's a good idea.

[Zhukov]

Wait, no, that's a horrible idea.

[kahljorn]

:lol

no but they were talking about an older varient that they made which permaneantly blinded people sometimes
It was just a bright green light so bright it you can see it even with your eyes closed :O

xASD_eNE4VU

[Zhukov]

Ok, if it works. I can see people brandishing weapons start swinging/shooting them as soon as they get DAZERed though. People aren't going to just squint and suddenly become docile.

I guess you can say the same thing about pepper spray; but then you have to deal with overwhelming pain.

One guy with a DAZER LAZER ("saving lives, one daze at a time") versus one guy with a baseball bat isn't going to work, so maybe just in a group situation.


NOTE: why are they all wearing sunglasses? LOOKS SAFE!

[Pub Lover]

Well, Egypt just quit the Internet. http://www.renesys.com/blog/2011/01/egypt-leaves-the-internet.shtml

[executioneer]

trying to keep from having another tunisia, i guess, but it's too late for that now jrks

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

yea he shot like what 5 times? seems kind of unnecessary.

still its hard for me to blame cops :(

That's why you don't bring a native american with a knife to a cop with a gun fight.

[Tadao]

http://feww.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/yasi1.jpg

[Zhukov]

There's another one coming up the west, too :lol

[Colonel Flagg]

Got rain?

[Zhukov]

Should be hitting about ... now.

[Evil Robot]

Do your toilets flush the same direction as the cyclone?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20110218/wl_nm/us_pope_johnpaul

"After the beatification mass in the square it will be placed before the main altar inside the basilica. The closed coffin will remain there for viewing and veneration non-stop until everyone who wants to can see it, the Vatican said."

That just sounds horrible.

[Shyandquietguy]

It will sound horrible until a curious looking Pope whose charm can only be described as by the very characiture of The Fonz from Happy Days is eventually elected and takes it upon himself to do something about that old, dusty casket where the pulpit sits.

[Evil Robot II]

Facebook will be responsible for starting WWIII. Not but Facebook the company, but Facebook Ibrahim, daughter of Gamal Ibrahim.

[Colonel Flagg]

And her brother, Youtube.

[Colonel Flagg]

In other news, Jesse James is going to write a book.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2011/02/23/the.buzz.today.hln?hpt=C2

I didn't even know he could read.

[Tadao]

I didn't know people who cared about him could read as well. :eek

[Colonel Flagg]

I smell a BESTSELLER!!!

[Tadao]

HlZRcxvGIWE

[Dimnos]

Those... sick... fucks.. :eek

[Tadao]

http://www.fyms.de/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/godzilla001.jpg

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

That's what I was thinking too.

[WhiteRat]

I had two people text me today asking me if I was still living there would I have been ok even though I moved back to the states 3 years ago.

[Tadao]

Well?

[WhiteRat]

I would be dead....dead serious about this tragedy!

[Evil Robot II]

I wonder if the earthquake has anything to do with the thing in China where it looked like there were two suns for a few hours.

[Evil Robot II]

Now theres a volcano. The only two disasters left in SimCity are the tornado and UFO attack.

[kahljorn]

ooor bowser attack if its the super nintendo one

[Evil Robot II]

Gilbert Gottfried has died.


http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/4319061-417/aflac-drops-gilbert-gottfried-after-he-tweets-jokes-about-japan-crisis.html

[Dr. Boogie]

But his epic telling of "The Aristocrats" failed to draw any attention from the prudes at AFLAC.

[Dr. Boogie]

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

:lol

[Fathom Zero]

He routinely makes 9/11 jokes and nothing's happened to him from that. It's all prudish nonsense.

[Dimnos]

His firing is the greatest tragedy in all this mess. And when are they going to just call up Godzilla to come eat that damn #2 reactor? Come on Japan. Get with it. :rolleyes

[Chojin]

Now theres a volcano. The only two disasters left in SimCity are the tornado and UFO attack.

lol i made this same joke on around the same day :<

[elx]

am I really the only one that finds this (http://www.hudson-ny.org/2037/france-burqa-ban) sickening? In western communities we're constantly tilting our nose up at the near-eastern societies for their gratuitous lifestyle regulations, yet here we are, promoting the EXACT same thing in reverse. they are concerned that people are being forced into a veil in public, so the solution is to force them out of it?

somebody somewhere along the line should have realized that it doesn't make an ounce of sense. and it's all for what? the sake of "integrating them into society" ???? that sounds insane! free-societies are not ones that exist with fascist indoctrination and systematic persecution. that's the direction we're (obviously) supposed to be progressing away from.

france is garbage. infact, all of these participating countries are trash. they're doing a huge disservice to the future of civil societies everywhere -- anyone that agrees with this ban is simply part of that pollution. fuck australia too for calling them "un-australian." If that's the australian way then I'd want to be as "un-australian" as possible. it's wonderful to know that U.S finally got something right, while the rest of the world is still full of screw ups in this regard.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

What happened now?

[Fathom Zero]

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Especially since there's only about a 1,000 people that wear them.

[Tadao]

What, is there a ban on the burka or something?

[executioneer]

i think only ugly chicks should be allowed to wear them

[Colonel Flagg]

What, is there a ban on the burka or something?

or something. :\

I generally tune out whenever the news mentions the word "France".

[Tadao]

Those bitches need burkas.

[kahljorn]

I'm sure this will trigger some bombings/riots somewhere in the world. Prolly they'll go beat people to death who sell french fries or something if they even have french fries.

I've never even seen a woman wearing a burka in America though.

how come nobody has ever used burkas to rob people. it could be the new ski mask, although i guess its kind of unwieldy and they could trip and shit

[Chojin]

religion is retarded and so are their costumes. fuck 'em.

[Tadao]

how come nobody has ever used burkas to rob people. it could be the new ski mask, although i guess its kind of unwieldy and they could trip and shit

That's actually been an issue. IDK if you can wear one in a bank and other places wear you can't wear a hoody. I never cared enough to find out what happened in those complaints.

[WhiteRat]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MX1s6DY2duk/TE8eB5UkfeI/AAAAAAAAATI/ar562q8kRTM/s640/Burka+Swimsuit.jpg

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I want a beard like that though.

[Fathom Zero]

I bet it feels like Nerf stuff when it's wet.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

:lol

[Evil Robot II]

I see people in NYC wearing them all the time. Even my muslim coworkers think they make people look downright evil. It should also be noted that burkas were popularised in the 1950's to prevent arab men from being tempted to rape them and thats the only reason they exist.

[Evil Robot II]

THere are no references to wearing burkas in the Koran. None at all.

[kahljorn]

even if it was the Koran is just a collection of shit people thought Mohammed said anyway. prolly some seamstress could've slipped it in there to make a fortune.

[Zhukov]

fuck australia too for calling them "un-australian." If that's the australian way then I'd want to be as "un-australian" as possible. it's wonderful to know that U.S finally got something right, while the rest of the world is still full of screw ups in this regard.

"Un-Australian" was never heard of ten or so years ago, and now suddenly it's used to describe anyone who even slightly deviates from the status quo. Patriotism didn't exist when I was a lad; nobody gave a shit about the country and THAT was how an Australian acted. Now everything is either "true blue Australian" or "un-Australian", the latter being a label that prevents one from deserving the same rights as others, and it seems only the uneducated scum and right wing politicians get to decide who is who.

Australia is a really, really racist country. I don't think many people outside know that. The burka will get banned here soon enough.

I think religion is idiotic, but people should be allowed to wear what they want in public. Especially since these types of laws aren't aimed at religions, they are aimed at hated minorities, with the intention of creating conflict.

[Fathom Zero]

I think the world is aware of Australia's racism. As I understand it, the treatment of the native brown peoples hasn't been very good, historically.

[Colonel Flagg]

And we've done SOOOO much better here in the States. :rolleyes

[Tadao]

Compared to Australia, we are angels.

[Kitsa]

hey true blue
is it me and you
is it mum and dad
is it a cockatooooooooooooooo

[Zhukov]

I think the world is aware of Australia's racism. As I understand it, the treatment of the native brown peoples hasn't been very good, historically.

I'm not even talking about historically; I'm talking about racism that is around now.

[Fathom Zero]

I can imagine. But it's all over the world, really. Australia sounds a lot like my hometown, only bigger. :\

White power!

[Dimnos]

"Un-Australian" was never heard of ten or so years ago, and now suddenly it's used to describe anyone who even slightly deviates from the status quo. Patriotism didn't exist when I was a lad; nobody gave a shit about the country and THAT was how an Australian acted. Now everything is either "true blue Australian" or "un-Australian", the latter being a label that prevents one from deserving the same rights as others, and it seems only the uneducated scum and right wing politicians get to decide who is who.

Australia is a really, really racist country. I don't think many people outside know that. The burka will get banned here soon enough.

I think religion is idiotic, but people should be allowed to wear what they want in public. Especially since these types of laws aren't aimed at religions, they are aimed at hated minorities, with the intention of creating conflict.

Awww... Australia is turning into little America. :love

[Tadao]

I can imagine. But it's all over the world, really. Australia sounds a lot like my hometown, only bigger. :\

White power!

Australia has been named as the most racist place to live on the planet. I think it was Sydney to be specific. And I believe it wasn't just the white race, but every race has really taken up arms against every race.

[Fathom Zero]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1392113/Aspiring-rapper-John-Powell-killed-Tiffany-Startzs-single-punch-5-party-bet.html

i don't even need to say anything

[executioneer]

sounds like he was a real tough guy

[Fathom Zero]

Jimmy Mounts looks pretty classy, too.

[Esuohlim]

Ahahaha, I know someone who looks just like "aspiring rapper John Powell"

http://i.imgur.com/9jc3d.jpg

[WhiteRat]

I applaud the Daily Mail for finally getting around to reporting something that happened last year.

[Zhukov]

This is why I don't take wacky photos or use facebook; when I die/are charged with murder, the polis will only have photos of me looking intelligent or helping children, not looking like a twat.

[Tadao]

There's roller derby ref pics out there. It's a very cool thing, but it doesn't fall into the intellectual humanitarian category.

[kahljorn]

yea i can just see zhukov being charged for manslaughter and he has tiny striped daisy duke shorts on with a button up shirt and a whistle hanging out of his mouth doing some crazy sign language shit while skating around

also the sign language would stand for LESBIAN STOMP INFRACTION or some shti

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I thought this said this
the polis will only have photos of me looking intelligent or helping children.


http://howto-speak.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/How-to-speak-Polish-words.jpg instead

[Dimnos]

If Z ever gets charged for murder and they dont use that pic of him fawning over the cannon, I will be highly disappointed.

[Zhukov]

So far no pictures exist of me skating around a rink doing Lesbian stomp infraction sign language, but I suppose that might change.

Also, yeah, the cannon picture might get leaked.

"MURDERER LOVES GUNS, SAYS INTERNET FORUM"

[Kitsa]

"He had many dreams involving murder and violence toward children," said one member of the forums. "He seemed nice and sent me candy once, but I was a bit frightened of him."

:lol

[Zhukov]

I've got to get some kind of device that blows my laptop up when I die, I guess.

[Fathom Zero]

:lol

[Dimnos]

Nice!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110603/us_yblog_thelookout/first-man-functionally-cured-of-hiv

[Fathom Zero]

Old news. But yeah, I'd say a complete blood transfusion would do something like that. SCIENCE IS SO DAMN COOL.

[Zhukov]

So they've found a structure on Mars now.

When I say they, I mean some guy browsing the internet.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/technology/8257609/mysterious-structure-discovered-on-mars

[Tadao]

That would be cool if it actually was a structure.

[Colonel Flagg]

Using that map, I found a benzene ring. Does this mean all the Martians died of cancer? Seriously, the map I found seems of way too low resolution to positively identify anything. I couldn't even distinguish the famous "FACE".

In my opinion, the original uploads from the initial experimentation phase of the MGS were far more detailed, and showed far more extraordinary features than anything on Google Mars. Not to say it isn't way cool, though.

Until I can identify the feature in question in the original unprocessed high-resolution images from MSSS, I will withhold judgement.

[Zhukov]

I think everyone should hold judgement, especially news companies before they inevitably run with this.

[kahljorn]

MAYBE ITS A STARGATE P:O

[kahljorn]

OR A DINOSAUR CORPSE

[Dimnos]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyeo2ebVHF1qznirvo1_400.jpg

[Pentegarn]

I don't normally laugh at a man dying, but this one (http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2011/07/parish_man_protesting_motorcyc.html) I made an exception for


Town of Onondaga, NY – A Parish man who was participating in a motorcycle helmet protest ride was killed this afternoon when he went over the handlebars of his motorcycle and injured his head on the pavement, state police said.

Philip A. Contos, 55, of 45 East St., Parish, was not wearing a helmet while driving a 1983 Harley Davidson motorcycle south on Route 11 in Onondaga with a large group of other motorcyclists, troopers said.

About 1:30 p.m., troopers said, Contos hit his brakes, the motorcycle fishtailed and went out of control and Contos went over the handlebars.

Contos was taken to Upstate University Hospital where he was pronounced dead, troopers said.

Evidence at the scene and information from the attending physician indicate Contos would have survived if he had been wearing a Department of Transportation approved helmet, troopers said.
The protest in which Contos was riding was organized by American Bikers Aimed Towards Education, Trooper Jack Keller said.


So in summary, he was protesting a law requiring that one wears a helmet, and dies of head trauma on a motorcycle while doing so.


Personally I am anti helmet laws, but pro wearing helmets by choice, because if you are dumbass enough to go at high speeds without head protection, then I don't want you peeing your DNA in my gene pool, and helmet laws keep those dumbasses alive. That being said, I have to laugh at the story because of the irony.

[kahljorn]

:lol

thats great. Now we just need a NRA meeting where a bunch of people accidently shoot eachother.

[george]

i saw that yesterday and it made me laugh.

i dont even think motor bikes should be legal, unless they are little scooters or some shit. i dont care if some prick dies without a helmet it is his choice but every asshole with a Ninja wants to do 100mph on the back roads and is trying to kill me.

[Chojin]

anything that allows people to kill themselves is pretty much ok with me

i don't really see how seatbelts and helmets protect other peoples' lives or cost "THE SYSTEM" less money. my dad was trying to convince me that without helmets the state would have to pay extra money for injuries and it just seems like it would result in more fatal injuries, which are cheaper since dead people rarely ask for anesthetic

[Colonel Flagg]

Personally I am anti helmet laws, but pro wearing helmets by choice, because if you are dumbass enough to go at high speeds without head protection, then I don't want you peeing your DNA in my gene pool, and helmet laws keep those dumbasses alive. That being said, I have to laugh at the story because of the irony.

Well, maybe. Looking at it from another perspective, people who have endured head trauma from accidents involving extreme acts of stupidity, and survive, are quite the drain on our health care system. Personally, this is why I support helmet laws.

However, if they also sign a waiver denying any sort of medical assistance if they should sustain a life-changing injury, then ride on, citizen douchebag!

[george]

i bet people will try really hard not to feel really amused at the dudes funeral.

[The Leader]

i don't really see how seatbelts and helmets protect other peoples' lives or cost "THE SYSTEM" less money.

If there is someone else in the vehicle with them, a person not wearing a seat belt can become a deadly object, and no one wants to be killed by getting smacked in the head by their retarded friend's sternum.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Apparently K.C. Anthony or whatever her name is hired Franklin and Bash because she didn't get convicted of anything important.

[Colonel Flagg]

That jury is a bunch of idiot

EDIT - or that prosecutor

[Pentegarn]

I saw that story on the Telemundo station (which I watch when I get bored of TV in the King's English, also I watch it in hopes a soccer game will come on and I can hear the announcer yell GOOOOOAAAAAL)

[Zhukov]

ECONOMIC ARMAGEDDON.

[Tadao]

I just heard these words come out of Senator McCain's mouth.

"And the Tea Party Hobbits can return to Middle Earth having defeated Mordor."

I'm not a huge Tolkien fan, but I believe that sentence is really wrong. They are already in Middle Earth and Mordor is a place, not a person right?

So here's the thing, who is he trying to impress? Tolkien fans? Every time this guy talks, he comes off as out of touh with whoever he is talking to.

[Fathom Zero]

I wasn't aware he was still around.

[Colonel Flagg]

I think he meant Mordoc- Son of Teamon, Slayer of Eya, God Of sun.

A more correct statement would have been:

"And the Tea Party hobbits can return to the Shire, having defeated Sauron."

But that would be too geeky. OR WOULD IT???

[Fathom Zero]

That would have gotten just as much of a zero as it did before, only it would've at least been factually correct.

Probably just a couple stifled laughs at best. I don't understand how people can be out of touch with pop culture. It's called POP CULTURE after all. Jesus. Talk about the Green Lantern or Thor, you old fuck. Surely you know what a comic book looks like and have seen a commercial for them.

[Tadao]

I just can't believe he is paying writers big dollars and none of his shit is ever factual.

[k0k0]

It'll be 10 years down the line before he talks about green lantern or thor. Maybe 5 before he talks batman. Politicians are like bizarro-hipsters. They get into things way after they were cool instead of before they were cool.

[Colonel Flagg]

Reagan got it. He called it "Star Wars" while the franchise still had its soul.

[Pentegarn]

If McCain wants to impress me he needs to say "By Grabthar's Hammer, what a savings!"

kgv7U3GYlDY

[Colonel Flagg]

:lol

[Dimnos]

:lol

[Nick]

McCain is like 75, right? It's not wonder he can't remember all the fun facts he learned from those talking pictures he watches.

[Tadao]

He's just repeating what other people have popularized and getting it completely wrong because he is out of touch and unoriginal.

KINDA LIKE YOU!

[Nick]

Would I be more original if I go around flaming people all day? :\

[Pentegarn]

Who says flaming anymore? We call it mocking around here Sunny Jim

[Tadao]

Would I be more original if I go around flaming people all day? :\

It's funny because you think you are a person.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES.

Hurricane Irene is coming to the east coast this weekend.

[Pentegarn]

Come on Irene! (I know it's supposed to be Eileen but work with me here)

[Colonel Flagg]

Yeah, it's not like we don't need another 10 inches of rain or anything. >:

Feast or famine, choose your poison.

[Shyandquietguy]

Lighter side of the news!

BULL SEMEN CLOSES INTERSTATE!!

http://www.wkrn.com/story/15313584/ramp-to-i-65s-closed

Appearantly Greyhound ships them since they can't be flown. In a seperate compartment from the passengers.

[Pentegarn]

That semen came from good ol' Columbus Ohio

[Colonel Flagg]

And it was worth about $80,000. That's a lot of jack.

[Pentegarn]

And it was worth about $80,000. That's a lot of jack.

Delightful sir! :lol

[Colonel Flagg]

What a way to go. (http://www.thelocal.se/35878/20110831/)

From the article:

A 66-year-old Swedish man died in an accident at a paper factory in western Sweden after falling into a cistern filled with hot lye late Tuesday night.

“He basically fell through the roof of the silo,” Ulf Maxén manager of the Munksjö Paper factory in Billingsfors where the accident took place, told The Local.

“The liquid was corrosive and was heated to somewhere between 70 and 80 degrees Celsius.”

Note on chemistry: (of course. :() This is the part of the bleaching process of papermaking where the whitening chemicals (highly acidic) get extracted/neutralized by highly alkaline chemicals, typically oxygenated sodium hydroxide. In other words, he was dumped in a 170F concentrated aqueous solution of Drano.

[executioneer]

i hope he died quickly, cause that sounds like it would hurt like a motherfucker.

[Colonel Flagg]

Generally, paper industry accidents are pretty much fatal and pretty quick. Smelt explosions, dryer explosions, and chipper, beater or hydrapulper accidents can all kill you very quickly. Pain is irrelevant. :(

[Zhukov]

PAIN IS IRRELEVANT

GLORY IS ETERNAL

[Colonel Flagg]

Spoken like a true Klingon.

[Kitsa]

I remember when I worked in an ER outside Chicago, we had these retired physicians affiliated with us who were the doctors for the area steel mills. And when something happened, I was the one who processed the reports. It was always the goriest, most horrific stuff. Like something out of Upton Sinclair.

One time this guy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and an ENTIRE KETTLE of MOLTEN STEEL tipped and poured down on him. There wasn't even anything left of him. He was just, like, vaporized. It was pretty awful. :(

[Zhukov]

^ Jesus fucking Christ :\

Let's continue the morbid theme to the news:

GORDON RAMSEY SEX DWARF FOUND DEAD IN BADGER SETT (http://stage.sundaysport.com/?p=1798)

PS: It may look like a cheap porn site, but it's actually a respected UK newspaper.

[k0k0]

Giving you props for finding that. I laughed. But it is sad.

[kahljorn]

haha a mini gordon ramsay porn star

what the hell

[Tadao]

Yeah, I forwarded that to my buddy. We used to spam each other with midget porn.

[Dimnos]

Sex Dwarf. :lol

[Zhukov]

Gays can now get married here and everything. (http://www.news.com.au/national/tasmania-green-lights-gay-marriage-in-parliament-vote/story-e6frfkvr-1226142787766)

Tasmania green-lights gay marriage in parliament vote

A HISTORIC motion backing same-sex marriage has been passed by the Tasmanian House of Assembly.

It is the first time an Australian parliament has voted in favor of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples, The Mercury reports.
The Greens motion also called on the Federal Government to change the Marriage Act.

Debate on the motion was watched by local and interstate same-sex marriage activists in the public gallery and by a large national audience on the parliament's internet broadcast.

The Labor Party backed the motion while the Liberal Party voted against it.

The historic moves comes 14 years after sodomy was decriminalised in Tasmania.



Ok, so that's more local news. I don't know anyone that's actually getting married, but plenty of people who support this and are happy for it. Including me.

[executioneer]

but what about lesbian couples with small breasts, though

[Fathom Zero]

yeah that's exactly like little boys getting married >:

[k0k0]

I wonder if they have any lesbian porn where they get married and then just start doing it and the priestess or whatever joins in.

[Zhukov]

I didn't even hear about this small breast thing anywhere else but on this forum. I don't think it exists.

Koko - well, that's what I figured, yeah.

[Pentegarn]

I didn't even hear about this small breast thing anywhere else but on this forum. I don't think it exists.

Koko - well, that's what I figured, yeah.


There's a brief history of it here (http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/01/29/has-australia-really-banned-small-breasts/), the original links it references are gone though. The Anonymous d-bags cyber-attacked Aussie government websites over it too.

As it turned out it was all rumor-mongering though

[Evil Robot II]

What kind of story contains the sentence "The third-place winner was given two hand grenades."?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/21/world/africa/shabab-gives-unusual-prizes-for-somali-children-in-contest.html (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/21/world/africa/shabab-gives-unusual-prizes-for-somali-children-in-contest.html)

[Zhukov]

I'm more surprised that Somalia has something resembling talk back radio. Still, in all seriousness, I think that for the environment that these children have to grow up in, an AK is probably a more useful prize than some shite plastic crap disguised as toys.

[Evil Robot II]

I wonder if the third place winner is supposed to use the grenades on the second and first place winners like the test isn't over yet thier supposed to fight to the death. The real prize is forty virgins and a mule.

[Zhukov]

Sad, but lol.

[Colonel Flagg]

On the lighter side, it looks like Lego is getting into the automotive industry (http://www.pddnet.com/photos-of-the-day-lego-builds-a-ford-explorer-100411/?et_cid=2183511&et_rid=45600941&linkid=http%3a%2f%2fwww.pddnet.com%2fphotos-of-the-day-lego-builds-a-ford-explorer-100411%2f).

[Pentegarn]

Twice as sturdy as an actual Ford Explorer

[Colonel Flagg]

Plus think of the mileage!

[Evil Robot II]

lol it sys "Fomo"

[Kitsa]

I saw a Yugo yesterday, and it was actually still running.

[Colonel Flagg]

Not with the original engine, I'd wager.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/14/steven-seagal-hired-to-control-u-s-mexico-border/

Steven Segal hired to guard the us mexico border. Hopefully he uses a samurai sword

[executioneer]

absolutely shocked that isn't an Onion article

[Pentegarn]

Local headline news but still

http://www.abc6onyourside.com/shared/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wsyx_vid_14057.shtml

The big debate on facebook about this is 'the sheriff's department shouldn't have declared shoot to kill'. To that argument I have this to say, "Capture them yourself then or shut the fuck up"

[Pentegarn]

So it seems that some of the Columbus Zoo big shots wanted to get there but were too late.

Forget that a second though, I think we all know what is coming next. David Morse is going to now spread a virus that wipes out the majority of humanity

[MailCall]

So it seems that some of the Columbus Zoo big shots wanted to get there but were too late.

Forget that a second though, I think we all know what is coming next. David Morse is going to now spread a virus that wipes out the majority of humanity

And the worst part is we have to rely on Bruce Willis to stop him. :x

[executioneer]

so colonel quaddafi is apparently toast

pretty awesome

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Just heard about that too. I guess he died on the run

http://treadmills-for-all.com/site-assets/treadmills-us/Image/nordic-track-7000r-treadmill.jpg

[Pentegarn]

One article pointed out that 'he called the people who rose against him rats, but then in a twist died where a rat would be found, near gutters filled with filth'

Now to see what comes next, not like that whole area didn't have enough problems already, this should add to that pile nicely

[executioneer]

Just heard about that too. I guess he died on the run

http://treadmills-for-all.com/site-assets/treadmills-us/Image/nordic-track-7000r-treadmill.jpg

I GET IT

[kahljorn]

they'll probably just find some other dictator

[Fathom Zero]

Some reports say his legs were hurt when they captured him. I'd like to imagine they broke his knees.

DOPLJQuVm_I

[MailCall]

they'll probably just find some other dictator

And the band played on...

[Colonel Flagg]

And yes, Virginia, the "Men in Black" really do exist (http://www.rdmag.com/News/2011/10/Policy-Industry-Government-Policy-Space-Moon-rock-sting-terrifies-California-grandmother/), and they're scary enough to make you soil yourself.

Your tax dollars at work.

[b_squared]

The real men in black would have used the neuralyzer to make her forget she peed herself and took her rock.

I liked mr_bandits comments to the story.

[Kitsa]

I come from a place where Men in Black terrorize people on a regular-freaking-basis (see Mothman thread). All of the -- victims, for lack of a better term --- are freaking scared out of their minds of those people.

[k0k0]

I know most people here have probably already seen it, but herman cain just put out a weird fucking ad. I mean, why would you have your campaign manager dude blow smoke at the camera. And then the creepy smile. I mean, I know it's totally badass to blow smoke like you're not giving a fuck but not for political commercials.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2011/10/24/herman_cain_s_amazing_campaign_ad.html

[Kitsa]

Seems to be par for the course. I wonder where the politicians' brains are vacationing because they sure as hell aren't even pretending to try anymore.

[Dr. Boogie]

I think they've just realized it no longer matters. I remember Michelle Bachman saying vaccinations cause autism, then glibly defending that statement in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I feel like there was a time when someone that stupid and insane would've been pushed to the very margins of society, but nowadays you can just insist that it's the media's fault that you look like a horse's ass.

[Evil Robot II]

Reminds me of the 1800 victim2 commercials

[kahljorn]

yea i saw that thing about michelle bachmann. She brought it up in one of the debates too because Rick Perry made girls get vaccinations for vagina cancer.

she was all, "WHO ARE YOU TO DEMAND THAT A CHILD GET A VACCINATION FOR A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE, RICK PERRY." OMG SO HEINOUS CHILDREN BEING VACCINATED AGAINST STDS

what irritated me is the most is that Rick Perry didn't say, "Well we require them to get Hepatitis shots, so what is the big deal. STFU HO."

[executioneer]

man but perry just did that so his buddy who owns the company that makes the vaccine would get money / give him money

that infuriates me on so many levels

[Lone Wanderer]

Local headline news but still

http://www.abc6onyourside.com/shared/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wsyx_vid_14057.shtml

The big debate on facebook about this is 'the sheriff's department shouldn't have declared shoot to kill'. To that argument I have this to say, "Capture them yourself then or shut the fuck up"


That's how I found out about the animals, my friends started cracking jokes about it.

[MailCall]

So long to a talented talker. RIP and many memories.
http://news.yahoo.com/andy-rooney-wry-60-minutes-commentator-dies-133038061.html

[Dr. Boogie]

Jj-CErr0VOY

Myth confirmed: Cannon balls make equally good house-smashers.

[executioneer]

well that's gonna make their insurance rates go up

[Pentegarn]

So I was reading this article:

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Soldier-Remains-Landfill-Investigation-New-Jersey-Wife-Speaks-135294853.html

and no less than 3 times I felt like my head was going to explode in rage.

What was done was inexcusable, that the Secretary was 'comfortable' with how it was handled makes me want to see him removed from his position, saying that apologies would be given but only to those family members who called them for one is both lazy and infuriating.

[Colonel Flagg]

The armed forces, so goes the old advertisement, may be a great place to start, but it certainly isn't the best place to end. :(

[Dr. Boogie]

That's so kind of them to offer to apologize for desecrating the remains of soldiers. And all you have to do is beg them for an apology.

Such generosity.

[Colonel Flagg]

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, just not for "THOSE PEOPLE" (if you know what I mean, nudge nudge).

For the record, this (http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/12/my-take-is-all-american-muslim-begetting-all-american-bigotry/?hpt=hp_c2) does NOT make me proud to be an American.

[executioneer]

yeah i'd never shopped at a lowes before, and that makes me want to go to one just to shoplift from them

[Colonel Flagg]

"We're terribly sorry if by advertising during this program we offended any racist bigots."

Would this work as an apology?

[Colonel Flagg]

Kim Jong Il is dead. (http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/18/world/asia/north-korea-leader-dead/index.html?hpt=hp_t1)

So is Vaclav Havel. (http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/18/world/europe/czech-republic-vaclav-havel-obit/index.html?hpt=hp_c2)

Two extreme ends of the political spectrum pass away within hours of one another. Counterpoint.

[Fathom Zero]

Interesting.

[Esuohlim]

RIP Kim Jong Il I love your Apple products

[executioneer]

he went to the Distant Town :(

[Zhukov]

Holy shit, the Dear Leader....

what will I do with my life?



Christmas is CANCELLED.

[Kitsa]

Shit, I didn't see it had been addressed here before I made a post sry sry sry

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I don't think he will come back and haunt you for it.

[Zhukov]

I'm actually rather pissed off. I had planned to visit DPRK in September, but had to cancel for monetary issues. I was going to reschedule mid or early next year.

Now I might have to wait for a very long time.

[Evil Robot II]

I will never be allowed to visit the birthplace of our dear leader since Im american. They say he was born under a double rainbow on the top of Mt Peaktu.

[Evil Robot II]

I hope his son doesn't cancel arirang.

[Esuohlim]

http://i.imgur.com/Oovut.jpg

[executioneer]

i'm so stealing that

[Colonel Flagg]

http://i.imgur.com/Oovut.jpg

THAT! WAS! AWESOME!!!

[Zhukov]

I will never be allowed to visit the birthplace of our dear leader since Im american. They say he was born under a double rainbow on the top of Mt Peaktu.

I'm pretty sure that they let Americans in nowadays (well, the other day at least), for the right price.

They also say that a hummingbird flew down from the heavens and delivered the message of his birth.

[executioneer]

they say that one time he tried to eat... ENOUGH chocolate

[Pentegarn]

http://i.imgur.com/Oovut.jpg

:lol

So funny it gets quoted twice

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

:lol thats good soup

[Evil Robot II]

It would be funnier if it said 1941-2010

[Colonel Flagg]

They should play a somber arrangement of "I'm so lonely" during the funeral.

[Kitsa]

So there was this guy in Kouts, IN (that's pronounced COW-ts, not "coots" like they're saying on the radio), near where I used to live, who was arrested on drug charges and proceeded to steal the police car.

Then he radioed the police station to ask where the cigarette lighter and handcuff keys were.

Idiot. (http://posttrib.suntimes.com/news/porter/9986252-418/suspect-in-kouts-police-cruiser-theft-surrenders.html)

[Pentegarn]

For Colonel:

I can't wait to hear about the stolen cop car on Bizarre Files

[Colonel Flagg]

I can't wait to hear about the stolen cop car on Bizarre Files

:lol ;)

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

January 26, 2012

Internet Against SOPA, PIPA
Last week, several websites, including Google and Wikipedia, raised awareness of the prohibitive measures included in the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA). Here are some of the legislation's controversial provisions:


Music review sites can only allude to a song's title and content in vague terms
All pirated material available only at the Commerce Department's new site, Torrent.gov
Government will actively encourage people to download only public-domain music, such as Pipey Lester's "That Cat's a-Mewing!" or Ukulele Ted's "Nickel For Your Hat"
Denies future generations the ability to watch hilarious scene from Dirty Work where Chris Farley yells at the Asian hooker anytime, free of charge, which is a fundamental right of being an American
Does absolutely nothing to get rid of goddamn Lolcats
Makes the MPAA and RIAA feel better, which, if you have any shred of a soul, causes pure rage to swell through your very being
Any person suspected of Photoshopping bill sponsor Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) in an unflattering manner shall be subject to a minimum sentence of two months in prison; sentence will be increased by an additional two months if MS Paint is used
No longer legal to steal Ryan Gosling's credit card information


Spot on.

[Colonel Flagg]

Somehow, The Onion speaks for all of us.

[Evil Robot II]

EWNSFLASH!!!1
EVIL ROBOT RULES

[Colonel Flagg]

Whitney Houston is dead at 48 (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/whitney-houston-dead-age-48-publicist-tells-ap-article-1.1021087).

Even though it's not really shocking (drug use, self-destructive behavior, etc.), it did take me by surprise. Awfully young to meet your maker. 4 years younger than myself.

[LutiiChell]

Do not post anything with a religious or political character. This includes everything - news, reviews, gossip, discussion, opinion and everything else under the sun.Violators will be infracted. Repeat violators will be banned.

[Esuohlim]

Do not post anything with a religious or political character. This includes everything - news, reviews, gossip, discussion, opinion and everything else under the sun.Violators will be infracted. Repeat violators will be banned.

fuck, we better run

[Colonel Flagg]

Yes, of course I was referring to the CHURCH OF WHITNEY! :eek

[Tadao]

She wasn't my pick to die in 2012. I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT WHACK BITCH

[Colonel Flagg]

Lindsay Lohan still has a chance, dammit!

[Evil Robot II]

whatever happendd ot bob goldthwait?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

whatever happendd ot bob goldthwait?

!GOD BLESS AMERICA!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Bless_America_(film)

[kahljorn]

he teams up with a retard girl to kill other retards

it works i guess

[Evil Robot II]

SHIT

[Evil Robot II]

SHIIT