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Topic Review (Newest First)
Mar 18th, 2003 08:19 PM
Rez
Quote:
Originally Posted by FS
I like the original version of the Three Little Pigs, where the wolf uses mustard gas to render the pigs unconscious, then makes them feature in Russian pornography.


i listened to my copying machine run while reading that story.

i'm scared now.
Mar 18th, 2003 07:48 PM
Rongi The japanesse mafia
Mar 18th, 2003 07:46 PM
Jeanette X
Whats that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FS
DID YOU KNOW:

Up until 1898, all fairytales ended not in "...and they lived happily ever after." but in "...he died of brain cancer on his mother's birthday. She was raped by the Yakuza and thrown in front of a train."?

:misinformationman
Whats the Yakuza?
Mar 18th, 2003 05:48 PM
Rongi FS made me LOL
Mar 18th, 2003 05:43 PM
FS DID YOU KNOW:

Up until 1898, all fairytales ended not in "...and they lived happily ever after." but in "...he died of brain cancer on his mother's birthday. She was raped by the Yakuza and thrown in front of a train."?

:misinformationman
Mar 18th, 2003 05:19 PM
sadie fatsatan is not an aussie. stupidhead.
Mar 18th, 2003 08:52 AM
Infinite Mass Of course he is. Don't you know?
It's physically impossible for an Aussie to lie. Thats why we're such rude, but honest bastards.
Mar 18th, 2003 06:55 AM
The Unseen FS, are you for real?
Mar 17th, 2003 03:09 PM
FS I like the original version of the Three Little Pigs, where the wolf uses mustard gas to render the pigs unconscious, then makes them feature in Russian pornography.
Mar 17th, 2003 11:52 AM
Jeanette X Oh yeah, the story of Talia. That wasn't the Grimm's version though. Theirs was "Briar Rose". Disney actually managed to be somewhat faithful to it.

I can see why the Talia story didn't go over too well. Rape isn't very romantic.
Mar 17th, 2003 10:31 AM
pjalne Also, Prince Charming fucked Sleeping Beauty while she was passed out and left her. Nine months later she gave birth to twins, and one of the infants started looking for a teet to suck. It started sucking on a finger, thus pulling out the magical needle that had made Sleeping Beauty sleep in the first place, and she woke up.

Pretty fucked up.
Mar 17th, 2003 10:25 AM
Jeanette X
Yeah

Quote:
Originally Posted by FS
When I was little, my dad used to occasionally read fairytales from a pretty old book we had to me and my brother and sister. In the story of Cinderella, one sister cuts off her heel to fit into the glass slipper, and the other cuts off her toes.
Yeah. That is the orginal Grimm's fairy tales version, before it was totally santized.
Mar 17th, 2003 05:16 AM
FS They could call it "the little cat that called people sluts" and just have it be a picture book of the cat in all kinds of situations, with a balloon saying "slut!". Like, an old woman is feeling up tomatoes at the grocery store. Or a little boy is hiding a Victoria's Secret catalogue under his matrass.

When I was little, my dad used to occasionally read fairytales from a pretty old book we had to me and my brother and sister. In the story of Cinderella, one sister cuts off her heel to fit into the glass slipper, and the other cuts off her toes.
Mar 16th, 2003 08:42 PM
Jeanette X
That would rock

Quote:
Originally Posted by FS
Fuck little Red Riding Hood. Why isn't there a series of tales about this cat that calls people sluts?
Damn straight.
Mar 16th, 2003 05:59 PM
Zomboid I've seen those toys before. I like the mad hatter one the most.
Mar 16th, 2003 04:04 PM
Sir Laughs You mean Duckman, did you know he believed in 1700's ethics, Thats why he was such a QUACKER!

(rimshot)

HAHAHAHA
Mar 16th, 2003 03:55 PM
Skulhedface I think that cartoon was on HBO a few nights ago
Mar 16th, 2003 05:29 AM
FS Fuck little Red Riding Hood. Why isn't there a series of tales about this cat that calls people sluts?
Mar 16th, 2003 02:22 AM
Sir Laughs Hey, who gives a damn

NOONE

(rimshot)

HAHAHAHAHA
Mar 16th, 2003 01:55 AM
Evil Robot this thread is no. You have posted no.
Mar 16th, 2003 12:44 AM
Jeanette X
Little Red Riding Hood for grown ups



http://otakuworld.com/index.html?/ki.../pages/red.htm

http://www.toymania.com/columns/spot...hoodpics.shtml

http://darkstar-sifi.co.uk/figures_scary_tales.htm

http://www.tommycastillo.com/mayhem/RedRidingHood.JPG

http://www.squidge.org/~mrs_fish/art/red.jpg

http://www.innervisioncomics.com/ima...ghoodlarge.jpg


The Earliest Known Version of Little Red Riding Hood
(I swear I am not making this up)

Once a little girl was told by her mother to bring some bread and
milk to her grandmother. As the girl was walking through the forest, a wolf came
up to her and asked where she was going.

"To grandmother's house," she replied.

"Which path are you taking, the path of the pins or the path of the needles?"

"The path of the needles."

So the wolf took the path of the pins and arrived first at the house. He killed grandmother, poured her blood into a bottle, and sliced her flesh onto a platter. Then he got into her nightclothes and waited in bed.

"Knock, knock"

"Come in, my dear."

"Hello grandmother. I've brought you some bread and milk."

"Have something yourself, my dear. There is meat and wine in the pantry."

So the little girl ate what was offered; and as she did, a little cat said, "Slut! To eat the flesh and drink the blood of your grandmother!"

Then the wolf said, "Undress and get into bed with me."

"Where shall I put my apron?"

"Throw it on the fire; you won't need it any more."

For each garment- bodice, skirt, petticoat, and stockings ; the girl asked the same question; and each time the wolf answered, "Throw it on the fire; you won't need it any more."

When the girl got in bed, she said, "Oh grandmother! How hairy you are!"

"Its to keep me warmer, my dear."

"Oh grandmother! What big shoulders you have!"

"Its for better carrying firewood, my dear."

"Oh grandmother! What long nails you have!"

"Its for scratching myself better, my dear."

"Oh grandmother! What big teeth you have!"

"Its for eating you better, my dear."

And he ate her.



Another early version ends like this:

"Oh granny, what a big mouth you have!"

"The better to eat you with, my child!"

"Oh granny, I have to go badly. Let me go outside."

"Do it in the bed, my child!"

"Oh no, granny, I want to go outside."

"All right, but make it quick."

The werewolf attached a woolen rope to her foot and let her
go outside. When the little girl was outside, she tied the end of the
rope to a plum tree in the courtyard. The werewolf became impatient and said: "Are you making a load out there? Are
you making a load?"

When he realized that nobody was answering him, he jumped
out of bed and saw that the little girl had escaped. He followed her but arrived at her house just at the moment she entered.

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