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Topic Review (Newest First)
Feb 12th, 2008 09:24 AM
mburbank Indeed is is, oh eagle eyed science man! PM me your secret identity and when you lived there and where, as that is my hometown too!
Feb 11th, 2008 06:34 PM
Scienceman123 Holy shit, the building in that pic at the top is the Stevens House in North Andover-my hometown!
Feb 4th, 2008 12:59 AM
autodidact Just remember kids; These ARE the [your] good old days.
Feb 3rd, 2008 04:12 AM
JakeOfAllTrades Max scares me even more each time he makes a new article. He should write more novels.
Feb 2nd, 2008 06:29 PM
sspadowsky One of the best pieces I've seen from you in a while, Max. It was sort of like Alzheimer's with the fast-forward button getting stuck.
Feb 2nd, 2008 03:47 PM
Count Mek Woah, epic!
Feb 2nd, 2008 02:51 PM
Protoclown Haha, Max, I only just read this, but it was great. I loved The Warriors reference.
Feb 2nd, 2008 05:10 AM
JakeOfAllTrades Firstly, in a "New England Boyhood" article, I would have expected Shoggoth-fighting involved, but you showed incredible restraint Max!

Yeah, at my age (I was born in 1990) I'm old enough to remember a time without the internet and iPods. If you told me you could fit 500 songs on a gizmo of a size less thick than a GameBoy Pocket... I would have believed you, because I was very imaginative back then. I still am in a way. Back when I was a kid, I thought you really could fit cute monsters in a tennis-ball like item, and it wasn't that out of the question for Superman to fly, because I knew the secret to his flying was not that he was fictional, but because he was an alien. This was why I never attempted flying like him myself, while other kids had broken arms in droves. It was because I understood the mythologies of the modern age. Not just because I was a gullible wide eyed kid.

I didn't even have a Game Boy Pocket as a kid until my brother got one for his 13th Birthday, and then Colour ones were released and Pockets were out of vogue. I remember a simpler time when a piece of electronics could last ages without being obsolete. I keep my simple phone that doesn't have internet access or a flip-screen in memory of when phones were real phones, not overpriced media centers, you were supposed to use them to talk to people. Now you use them to avoid talking to people as you download annoying ringtones for them.

I still consider myself an elder-innocent. There are some things that I don't think I want to be exposed to, because I already know well enough they're not good for me. Alcohol was one of them. I waited so long for my 18th Birthday (the legal Aussie drinking age) so I could drink my first legal beer with my friends (my first illegal alcohol was wine at an art gallery, which ended up with me annoying Ex-Prime Minister Gough Whitlam in drunk happiness. This is not a lie, this really happened), only to find that I didn't like the taste of beer at all. I suppose its one of the mythologies of society that beer + friends equals fun, but I never figured out why that was. Maybe I just wasn't drinking enough of it.

People at school sometimes make fun of me because they think I'm too stupid to know what they mean by "do you do it with girls?", but I do know full well what they mean, and when they ask stuff like that I hate the way that they believe asking this to prove my naivety will make them laugh. I learned the hard way that even if you are a high-functioning Asperger's kid, some people are just bastards.

But it's not all bad news. I learned that there was honour amongst geeks and nerds. In Australia you don't get the stereotypical geeks who never had a girlfriend because nobody likes them, a geek/nerd is usually defined as a reader of books and watcher of cinema that has merit. Geeks and Nerds don't tease you like Jocks will because they know how it feels to be left out.

One of the other mythologies that I found untrue is the myth of the lesbians who swing both ways. Female homosexuality is called homosexuality because they have no interest in dating men. They'll be your friend, for sure, but they won't love you the same way a straight woman will. I discovered this when I asked a girl out. She liked the same Anime and books as I did, and she was really nice too. Then she rejected me on the grounds that she "already had a girlfriend". She wasn't bluffing. She really did have a girlfriend. And she was happy with her. I stayed friends, because I soon learned this truth: a girl can be your friend without being your girlfriend.

Besides, out of all of the mean teasing and being stood up I endured from the opposite sex, that girl chose the most honest and thoughtful way of letting me know she wasn't romantically interested.

After a life such as this, I can begin to understand why you feel the way you do Max. Your experiences have shaped you, whether this article had any truth in it or not. I just hope that you have some cheer in your life, like I'm trying to find, and being more successful at finding it than you may believe.
Feb 1st, 2008 10:18 AM
mburbank Dungeonbrownies; You like me against your better instincts. It's okay. Go with it. That's how I met my wife, and fifteen years later she only regrets it most of the time.
Jan 31st, 2008 11:52 PM
Autrach Sejanoz 'The Outsiders' is one of the best novels/movies ever.
Jan 31st, 2008 11:29 PM
Dungeonbrownies honestly, this was the most ridiculous pile of words i have ever read, but for some reason i could imagine it all vividly in my head like some kind of mad max of ww2 + galactica and schizophrenia.im pretty sure this isnt good for me. but i read it anyways. =[
Jan 31st, 2008 09:54 AM
mburbank Yeah, that name didn't have a lot of shelf life, did it? It's friggin' hysterical to call someone 'Ponyboy' now.
Jan 30th, 2008 09:09 PM
Colonel Flagg I like the movie, not because of the acting, but more for the unintentional humor value. Everytime someone refers to "Ponyboy" I break out into uncontrollable laughter.
Jan 30th, 2008 09:32 AM
mburbank Flagg; Astute comment, as "The Outsiders" was like a bible to me and my gang. A couple of years later, they actually introduced it into the English Curriculum, giving it's coolness cache a nasty chest wound in the process, but also a much wider readership. Not that it wasn't very popular when the 'Mike' from the story loaned me his copy, but it hadn't yet become as ubiquitous among my demographic as re-runs of 'The Brady Bunch'. I haven't read it in at least 30 years and never saw the movie. I've been meaning to do both.

Pirateface; I'm nowhere near as much like me when I grow up as my writing is.
Jan 30th, 2008 03:11 AM
Oska_Go_Wilde Max, I may not have been alive, but I remember it all as well as you do because I am secretly a time-traveling dinosaur.
Jan 30th, 2008 01:19 AM
Captain PirateFace Max Burbank.... I am only 27 with a 4 year old and a mean ass... I mean, 29 year old wife.
I have to say though... I wanna be just like you when I grow old and angry.
Jan 29th, 2008 07:48 PM
Colonel Flagg The only characters missing were Soda Pop, Darry and Pony Boy.

Hell, back then we didn't have "eye-pods", the interweb or "sell-phones" - we had to tough it out with M-80's, beer bongs and porn for entertainment. And rocket-propelled grenades, of course (how silly of me to almost forget!).

You "whippersnappers" have it so easy.
Jan 29th, 2008 06:47 PM
Nktalloth When I talk to my grandchildren about the good old days, I'm just going to make shit up.

They'll be all: "Gwanpa, what was two fousand like?"

And I'll be all: "Ah, two thousand... the year the time-traveling Nazis invaded DC..."
Jan 29th, 2008 12:29 PM
mburbank Mike is correct, and there's a bucketload of other stuff left out too.
Jan 29th, 2008 12:24 PM
incognit000 This reminds me of Pete and Pete.
Jan 29th, 2008 11:50 AM
bertleman My name is Mike. I am the best friend in the story. It is all true, and he left out the time we played dyanmite tag in the crumbling two hundred year old barn, and the time my elbows got ground down to the bone skateboarding in the graveyard.
Jan 29th, 2008 10:35 AM
thecatillaccat I've got one of those funny hats...I wear it when it is cold, to keep my ears toasty...
Wait. Does that mean I'm a communist?
Jan 29th, 2008 10:33 AM
stonewar using a cassette tapes on Vic-20

My Dad's Dumb joke whenever we were in a store that sold computers to command them to scroll "Terry is Cool" Terry is King" "Terry is the Best" But it suddenly being the coolest thing ever when he taught me to do it. "Lou is Smart and Monica is Dumb"

1984 in the house.
Jan 29th, 2008 06:55 AM
Pentegarn If you think canucks are scary with "their ridged brows, their ruddy skin, their beaver pelt coats, their hockey sticks" are scary, wait till they come at with their round bacon, maple syrup, and those funny hats. *Shudder*

Did you know they have a place where they harbor the French?!
Jan 29th, 2008 05:45 AM
greenimp y'know, the school playground hasent really changed much over the years...
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