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Topic Review (Newest First)
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| Aug 22nd, 2007 12:14 PM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
 This morning my son, Charlie, gave me a mug that says the worlds greatest dad and I’ve been drinking my soup from it but then I realize he’s only a 1 year old tot and hasn't money to speak of. So I took it to the aldi store and told the man at the counter that my son Charlie had swiped it and we were sorry and that, as previously, I will keep drinking my soup out a laundry detergent scooper if that’s the price of learning up Charlie right. The woman let me have it when I got home. She said "that mug was for you buster" and I got irate and fetched my magic marker and wrote "worlds incorrect mom" on all her dresses. I hope tomorrow will be better. |
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| Aug 22nd, 2007 11:54 AM | ||
| Emu |
They who?
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| Aug 22nd, 2007 11:31 AM | ||
| MisSFiT |
Quote:
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| Aug 21st, 2007 11:00 PM | ||
| maggiekarp |
I'll probably forget that I made a dramatic comeback and stop posting again
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| Aug 21st, 2007 10:57 PM | ||
| Guitar Woman | MAGGIEKARP IS BACK. THIS IS NO LONGER ONE OF THOSE DAYS. | |
| Aug 21st, 2007 10:53 PM | ||
| maggiekarp |
The world is not the same place it was when I was a child
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| Aug 21st, 2007 10:48 PM | ||
| Fathom Zero |
Turns out, I'm impotent!
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| Aug 21st, 2007 09:29 PM | ||
| zeldasbiggestfan |
I got shit on by a bird
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| Aug 21st, 2007 08:16 PM | ||
| Evil Robot |
LAKE TITYCOCKA 
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| Aug 21st, 2007 02:20 PM | ||
| Emu |
WTF does luigi have to do with this thread?
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| Aug 21st, 2007 02:14 PM | ||
| RaNkeri |
Trying to cope with all the stuff I have to do before moving. |
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| Aug 21st, 2007 02:00 PM | ||
| ArrowX |
:oneo fthosedays:oneo fthosedays Its a cluster bomb! |
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| Aug 21st, 2007 01:55 PM | ||
| MisSFiT |
 Please don't forget about Luigi.
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| Aug 21st, 2007 10:22 AM | ||
| Emu |
My job applications keep getting rejected before I even submit them |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:53 PM | ||
| Evil Robot |
A zionist suicide bomb killed my cousins while they were at the discotek.
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:45 PM | ||
| Chojin |
lol |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:42 PM | ||
| GADZOOKS |
So I'm reading this thread! |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:15 PM | ||
| Guitar Woman |
so last night I had probably the worst headache ever, it was like a horrible pounding pain in my temples that pulsated with my heartbeat I stuck my head in the freezer for a second and it didn't hurt as bad
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| Aug 20th, 2007 12:31 PM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
It was a calm summer morning. I should say, it was a calm summer morning on the friendly half of the world. On the frigid half I sat on a rock, a year's ride from home. The malicious winds of the pacific threatened to blow my hat away. The hat was painstakingly woven with straw and horsehair by the daughter of a man whose life I spared Friday last. "please," she pleaded. "My father is a wicked man, a dishonest man, a shameful man. He has regard for none but himself, he deserves to die, and I know this, but he is my father, and I cannot forsake the bonds of my blood." I knelt, taking in her bright brown eyes at a level. After a moment, I motioned for them to go. I knew they understood. Never again was Padre Dominique to take the crane and bulldozer to the valley where the beautiful copihue grew. Never again would he bring tears to my eyes. Never again would I forget hers. The hat blew off my head. I should have been too tired to care. My men and I had been marauding the Andes mountains for weeks, still without having seen trace of the opium trafficking known to trickle through the lesser-known treks. I was once a man of extraordinary vigor, and would certainly have chased after the straw hat, but my muscles would not move. My ribs seemed to creak with each breath. I yearned to chase after it, but could no longer. I wished to halt the export of the crop which threatened to ruin the people I so loved, but could no longer. The wrongdoers would make safely across the Andes and earn their sum. The hat caught a vicious draft, and was soon out of sight. "amigo." I felt a hand on my shoulder. "amigo, you mustn't allow these things to destroy you. You mustn't forget." I turned to face pogo, my most trusted rider. "forget what, fair friend?" "the test is today. Hurry up or you'll miss it." Startled, I looked to the sun. It was eight o'clock in the morn, at the earliest. "fuck!" I exclaimed. I troubled pogo for a pen and paper, and began to write. For hours I wrote, and the hours turned to days. I moved not from my hunched-over pose. I knew not the questions, or the questioner, so I was left no recourse but to record in written language everything I knew of the world. By my side was faithful pogo, feeding me pages when the one at hand was filled with ink muses and ramblings, and a fresh pen when the ink went dry. Sixteen days after putting pen to paper, I had finished. I spent my last bit of energy stuffing the novelesque stack of parchments in my donkey's burlap sack. "Vaya, burro". I gave him a kiss and a slap, and he was off. I watched him disappear over the next mountain pass with half-open eyes, then collapsed into the snow. I awoke a month later in a Santiago hospital. Pogo had watched at my bedside without recess throughout. I asked, "what of my test scores?" Pogo smiled wryly. "They fed your papers into the test reading machine. The test reading machine at first struggled to process them, groaning and creaking. Then, miraculously, it began to understand. It spent a great deal of time reading through the reams of knowledge you had penned so handily. Soon it began to sprout arms and legs, and before long it was walking and talking with us." He motioned to the other side of the room. "You’ve made a new friend." The machine had transfused itself into the image of a humanoid. It extended a metallic arm. "This is a happy day for me, father," it said. "If I could weep, I would weep." After a moment, I broke my silence. "I will weep enough for both of us. Come here, son, that your old man may give you a hug." My flesh met cold steel. I kept my vow, and wept like I never wept before as I thought of future days filled with baseball games, model trains and the wonders of boyhood. The day ended ok after all. |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 12:24 PM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
Unfortunately, yes
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| Aug 20th, 2007 12:18 PM | ||
| Grislygus |
 Am I doing this right |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:59 AM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
Oh, and I was so fucked up that I forgot to bring a pencil. Oh yeah, plus I didn't even give a fuck, I forgot to mention that. I was like "who cares, I'm too fucking smart for tests anyway, I don't want to be another sheep who crunches numbers for the Man." I just pretty much randomly put the answers in. I mean, not randomly because I thought about it and knew all the answers. It was just so easy for me that I just got bored with it and stopped filling in the bubbles. It's been one of those days! |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 11:17 AM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
Oh yeah? Well the thing with me is that round-about 07:00 this morning of the test I was reaching for the orange juice and accidentally grabbed laundry detergent and I had to get my stomach pumped. After a good while of that I ripped the IV out of my arm, told the nurse I had a test to take, and did what I had to do. Talk about a crazy day! |
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| Aug 20th, 2007 10:52 AM | ||
| Emu |
I bent one of those steel band things inside the front driver's side tire of my car, and now it makes a horrible screech when I drive. I just spent $125 on a tow and now I'm probably gonna have to spend 50 more on a tire.
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| Aug 20th, 2007 07:36 AM | ||
| MockMeAmadeus |
Well, I had like a lot to drink last night. I was busy banging my girlfriend and doing shots with my buddies, and suddenly it was 5 in the morning and I was like, "AW FUCK! I HAVE THIS TEST TO TAKE IN THE MORNING!" So I just took a bunch of caffeine pills and stayed up the rest of the night, and I couldn't see straight. I had the worst headache. |
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