More Fun w/ Aphorisms

[McClain]

Keep Burbank's dreams alive and contribute!

That which does not kill me only makes me stronger. Unless you're sucked in to a combine and spit out the other side with no limbs.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Tell that to a Phobaphobia!

Well done is better than well said. Unless you're a professional orator or you get paid to read books on tape. Or if you're a sirloin.

The pen is mightier than the sword. Especially if it's a laser pointer and you're fending off a race of giant eyeball creatures.

Your eyes are always bigger than your stomach. Especially if you're Christina Ricci. Not so much if you're Renee Zellweger.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Especially if you have a dead baby bird in your mouth.

If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. But if you're a mute it's probably okay to use sign language to convey your bad thoughts because chances are the other person won't know what you're saying. Unless you're at some sort of sign language convention in which case you should just put your hands in your pockets or try to juggle some apples.

If you don't control your mind, someone else will. THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!!!

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. But if some people didn't get pissed on I'd have nothing to think about while I'm snappin' on my slim jim.